Until forever ends

Twenty eight

I walk in the funeral home, Hayley and Ryan walk in with me. I try to keep my face up for Jess. Who already runs to me immediately while crying. I hold her in my arms. "Don't tell me you're going to leave me as well. Please don't go." "I won't go anywhere." I go in the room where everyone is and say my condolences. Thomas is nowhere to be found but neither is Tyler so I think those two are together. Or at least I hope so. Neither of them should have to be alone. They deserve happiness. Thomas, Jess and Mr Havey. They all lost so much this time. And so did I. He saved me and now he broke me. After I thought he could never break me but yet he did. I find Mr Havey and I get pulled into a hug with Jess still in between. "I'm so sorry Kyra." "I'm sorry too. Really sorry." He softly smiles at me and I smile back at him.

Everyone is in the room saying condolences and sharing memories, a perfect time for me to sneak away into the other room. He lays completely still, nothing. No movements, just him. His winks, his smile and the way he felt. Is gone. Everything is gone and everything hurts. "No. Jay. No you, you can't be. Don't. You promised. If I held on, so would you. Jay damn it. Why?!" I shake him even though he's in the casket. "No! Please wake up and tell me this is some sick prank. Jay. Sweetheart. No!" I scream and cry at his empty body. Everything hurts as I fall to the floor. Hoping he'd come outside and wrap his arms around me like he used to. That he would tell me he loved me. But he's not coming. Because, he. He's gone. He is actually dead and all I can do is sit down and cry. "Kyra." I look up and see Ryan, Lou, Maya, Hayley and Tyler. No Brandon. It's wrong. This is all wrong, Jayden should stand with them. This can't be it. We should be there, next to Ryan and Hayley. My actual family. Not bound by blood. But my favourite person in the world is gone. He saved me and now broke me. "Kyra. He gave me a letter to read to you. It was with the others." Letter? I got my letter right after they found him. "A second letter?" "Well it is for all of us but mostly for you. Should I read it?" I nod my head and everyone sits down on the ground like at the picnic we once did. Or the weekend we went camping. Tyler sits right beside me with Lou and Maya on my other side. Hayley sits with Ryan.

"Dear everyone. I'm sorry. I apologise forthis. You guys are the reason I tried to fight so long. And Kyra, wonderfulbrave Kyra. You made me better. I won't ever forget how your eyes sparkled inthe sun on the cliff. We had our first kiss. Forever in my heart." Yesforever in a heart that won't ever beat again. A heart that is cold and quiet."I won't ever forget the day we went out dancing in the rain. All of ustogether soaking wet but we were free and unafraid. How we'd look up to thestars and decided to stay together, forever. Until forever ends right? Feelsironic now. My forever has ended and yours hasn't." Mine has. It endedwhen you ended yours I quietly think to myself. "At least I hope not. I hopeyou all will find peace and love. Oh and Ryan, Hayley does love you back. Don'tworry about that. And if you would do anything to hurt her I will find you andhaunt you as a ghost." Soft, small laughter comes from all of us. This istypical Jayden. "Hayley, don't be afraid to let him show who you trulyare. You don't have to hide away. And for the sake of the little life inside ofyou please don't run away and I promise you this, Ryan isn't going to run. Youmay think no one noticed but I saw the way you keep your hand on your stomach.I saw you and also, I saw the pregnancy test. Please find each other in lovethrough all this." I notice how Hails is smiling softly with indeed a handon her stomach. A little life inside. Ryan continues. "Lou, you're one ofmy best friends. Maybe more like my sister. Please, don't turn away. Don'tleave this family. Because that's what I'd like to call us. We're family. Mayadarling, I know your story as you know mine as we grew up together. Myneighbour who always pretended to be the bigger boss just because she was oneyear older. Look how that turned out. Ty, take care of my girl for me, l don'thave words for her. I can't tell her how she made me feel. I just want you toknow that I love you Kyr. I won't ever leave you." But you did, Jay. Youleft me and now I can't breathe without feeling hurt. "Forever may haveended on earth but please. Keep me in your heart sweetheart and forever won'tever end. Everything I couldn't ever tell another, I could tell you. You're myeverything and yet I gave up. Please stay clean and sober, please. Don't giveup. You deserve everything this world has to offer my darling. I gift you allmy books. You are the only person I know who would care for them actually. As Iknow no one else reads as much as you. It's one of the reasons I love you.Loved. I don't even know. I want to ask for your forgiveness but I don't thinkI deserve it. Because in the end. I think I hurt you more than life ever had.And I'm sorry. I keep repeating myself but truly I am. I love you all so thisis goodbye. For now." Ryan stops talking finally. We're all in tears andjust holding each other. And yet, somehow. I still feel alone. More alone thanever. Jay even in death is right. This hurts more than anything. But no wordscome out of my mouth anymore. Nothing can fill the damn silence I feel. Nothingwill ever be enough to fill the void so I just listen. Hayley and Jade give thespeech I wrote about Jayden. His father can't do the speech either so hisbrother, Jayden's uncle steps up. Tyler holds me close to him and I just holdJess close to me. The funeral was beautiful. His grave is surrounded by flowersand little notes people wrote to him. "Goodbye Jay. Know that you wereloved and will always be in my heart even when your forever has ended." Isay it to the grave after everyone already was huddled away into the funeralhome for the last food and drinks. To tell everyone goodbye. As I wipe my tearsaway I walk up to them and say my goodbyes to the people there and go homeafter.