This has been the day i have been dreading my whole life. I don't know if i can make it through the day, week ,or even my life with this mistake I have made, this was my mistake and now i won't be able to fix it no matter what I do. All I want to do is die, I can't anymore, I can't live with myslef knowing that this was my fault and having to live with it every single day of my life with it on my mind not being able to escape it. I have the boys and my bestfriend to talk to but I don't think it will ever be the same without him. His kisses, his hugs, and the way he told me that he loved me...all gone becuase of a mistake I made and in a second my whole life changed before my eyes. All I could do was cry, I hated myself for letting this happen...all thoes years of my life wasted in one second...and that all it took. Why did't I tell him before..i loved him and now I won't be able to tell anybody. Everybody always told me life was too short to make mistakes and I didn't listen..I should've listened....
I hear someone walk upstairs and know on my door. "are you ready?" I hear tom say as he opens the door and comes towards me, i nod my head in response and i get up wiping a tear from my cheek, he pulls me into a hug making me want to cry more. "it will be okay love just be strong like I know you are." he says pulling away and smiling but that quickly turns into a frown and now he too has tears in his eyes. We head downstairs and get into the car with the others and start to drive. The sky was gloomy and it was raining just like they described it would look like on a day like this, everyone was broken nobody with a dry eye. We arrive and go inside, I stop at the door not wanting to go in, Jay notices I have stopped and grabs my hand nodding at me with a small smile and I sigh nodding and we walk in.
There he is my love, my mistake, my life, laying down and knowing he was never going to wake up again thanks to me, I wish I could lay next to him and not have to suffer all I am feeling at this moment..
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