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Chapter 9 - The Past, Two Black Spots, The First (Kaden POV)

A/N: NOT EDITED.

Chapter 9 - The Past, Two Black Spots, The First (Kaden POV)

"I can't believe her father would do something like this," someone muttered, quietly, near a whisper as I blinked a few times coming too. My head throbbing, tiny prickles all across my scalp, felt deep inside my head, as I try to pull memories from the blackness, coming up empty.

"You don't believe Bill could do something like this to that poor girl?" John snaps, "I can, he would do something like this to her and sleep like a goddamn baby!"

Pushing myself up, blinking, John and Sean turn to face me, worried expressions on their face, eyeing one another from the side John comes forward.

"What the hell-"

His eyes focused on mine and right now I could tell he was just evaluating me, ignoring my question. "How are you?"

"How am I?" the words coming out slowly.

"Are you serious right now John?" he couldn't be.

"Etta - babies - the crying? Someone tell me what the hell is going on? Because-" I got to my feet, "because right now, I'm hoping that I'm fucking so off base..." again the two men in front of me shared a look.

"When Etta was fourteen she went to a science program down in Florida," John is focused on me, and just with that one sentence memories out of reach that were dictated to me by my mother are flashing in my mind.

"I was sixteen, I went to Florida - I was there for the engineering summer program." He nodded.

"So I knew Etta before?" a slower nod this time.

"When did I meet her?"

"What age can you not remember at all?" John countered, while Sean just rested against a desk waiting for this part to pass.

"I can't remember nearly three years of my life from age fourteen to sixteen-" I stop abruptly 'I want the man inside to love Mr. Kaden.'

"She's - Etta has met me as both Reese and Kaden," I'm grasping at straws, but John just gazes at me warily, waiting for me to blow up.

"Why - I can't remember that time - wait-" holding a hand up I turned around, just pacing, wait... wait... he doesn't know they exist. Never in the picture. Two years old.

"What - Kiki and Coco," I roll my eyes again at those names, "What are their names? Are they mine?" my voice rising as the thin rope I have on my temper is stretched and ready to snap.

"Why am I having to pull out this information from you!?" I shouted, fists at my side, the prickling in my head not fading, as he just remains stiff in front of me. He doesn't want to overload me with information, doesn't want to have me snap, but this - right now, I wanted answers.

"You met Etta when she came to visit her family in the pack... you and her hit it off, became very good friends..." I closed my eyes as he spoke calmly, trying - reaching into that darkness again, I could remember Lana rejecting me, and the painful memory there and I pull away. If I could remember Lana's rejection, painful as it was, what happened between Etta and I?

"Etta - her father wasn't treating her right, but you two hit it off nicely, she spent all summer with you and when you went to Florida for the Engineering program, Etta went for Science, you looked out for her," my eyes flashed opened.

Shaking my head, "I - I don't - I can't remember any of that..." the wall I continued to hit, grating on my nerves. The distress, I force myself to remain in place.

"How - what did I - John?" my voice lowered, did she reject me? Was this experience one I forgot because it was worse than when Lana rejected me? Why couldn't I remember the second time either? How - two children? Why wouldn't she let me see them?

His face grim, "When you were at camp you and Etta were close - intimate..." I nodded, cringing inside when I realized that if I was sixteen, she was only... just a child. "For some months after that I had no contact with Etta, we couldn't place her at all..." his voice pained, his eyes glazed over and far away. "So I was with her - why - how come I can't remember?" it wasn't bad, grant I wish we were probably older, but I should be able to recall that time.

"Kaden," John said with such regret in his tone, sitting on the chair in front of me, he sighs heavily, "You - You destroyed her for a while... you remember how you were after Lana rejected you?" I could remember that perfectly, the hate I had for all things mates.

"Etta was like a breath of fresh air for you, she lifted you out of that dark place you were, she became your other half," he started speaking faster, louder and jumped suddenly dashing out of the room only to return a few minutes later.

Dropping a album on my lap he pointed with his chin, "Go ahead - take a look," I glanced down at the blue eight by twelve album, "Look," he damned again with more force. A gush of air leaves my chest when I turn the first page and see a much younger me, scrawny, my arms around a younger Etta, her butterscotch eyes filled with happiness, and me? I'm focused on the girl next to me, my eyes on Etta, a smile on my lips, but what takes my breath away, is the love in my eyes.

Swallowing, I don't - I can't make my hands move to turn the page and go to the next photo, my heart beating loudly, I want more than ever to have that emptiness of that time removed, I want to remember the feeling clear on my face. I had believed that in my twenty-five years that I had not felt for another person the depth of those emotions, love.

I had.

The proof is in the picture.

"What happened?" I whispered.

"You both went back to North Carolina - you were normal but Etta was - I don't know, but it was like the light disappeared from her eyes, she went home - here and then we lost her for nearly eight months."

I nodded squinting, "She was pregnant? I - I - we - what happened?"

"On your last night in Florida she overheard you talking about her... badly," I nodded woodenly, "Etta - she told me after she - when she didn't run to your pack, she told me."

 "You were immature, said a few things and she, you told her that your parents were making you be kind to her, that she had a bad life, no friends..." I looked down at the picture, shame for my actions then.

"And her being pregnant?" I ask monotone, closing the book and looking up at John.

He shakes his head, "I never knew, but turns out - well you can see that this happened in London," he hands me the death certificates.

Again, I nod, my insides screaming for me to shift, my skin felt like a million tiny ants were crawling all over me, "There was an accident, when Etta woke up, she said Bill told her that the babies died, and that he would plan a funeral for them. He - she told me that she never saw them, or anything, Bill didn't think that it would be healthy for her," my bottom lip trembles while I get more answers, but the questions double exponentially.

"Anyways, after that she just couldn't deal so that's when I took her with me... she had faded away..." his face scrunched up, his eyes on the ceiling, when John looks at me again, his eyes are watery.

"She said they aren't - she was hysterical that the babies were alive?" he nodded, blinking away his tears.

Going to the computer, he turned the screen to me, showing me another picture, then another, two children - running, the next - on the swings, playing with one another, the little girl - Etta's carbon copy, the little boy, mine.

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sooooo... should I continue?

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