Peter Reid

Chapter 14 ~ Being Scared

Spencer's POV

Spencer was slow-moving but with a little help from Hotch, he was sitting comfortably on the couch in the jet. Peter was talking with Morgan and Garcia on the other seats, so Spencer was able to just lay down and relax. The pain wasn't terrible but without narcotic painkillers, it still hurt enough to make him uncomfortable. Blake walked over and crouched down in front of him. "Hey," she mumbled, and Spencer lazily kept her gaze. "how are you feeling?"

"Tired," he smiled, and she smiled right back. However, as she started to stand he reached up and grabbed her hand. "Are you alright?"

She hesitated for a split second and looked to make sure no one was looking at them. "Yesterday touched a nerve when I saw you like that." She admitted and crouched back down. Her eyes showed more sorrow than Spencer thought she held.

However, he plowed on, "Who's Ethan?"

Alex's eyes grew glassy and she took a deep breath. "My son, he was nine when he died." She said her tone as soft as it had been when he was bleeding out. "Doctors said it was neurological, but they didn't have a name for it; still don't. That drove me crazy. No word to put to this thing that took away my greatest love." Her voice shook and he knew she was trying not to cry.

He gripped her hand and gave it a squeeze, "I'm sorry."

"He kept growing despite his disease. The last time I lay beside him, he was almost as long as me." She nodded to herself, "he was ready to go. But I wasn't ready to say goodbye." Spencer wanted to say something to help her in any way he could, but he let her talk. "I begged him to open his eyes." Alex continued, "and the cruelest part was that I could see who he would be at 20, but I knew he'd never get there."

So, instead of facts, instead of helping, he stayed calm. "Ethan's a great name." It was soft and made her smile.

"Yeah, it means enduring."

Spencer glanced at Peter who was laughing with the others, "it's fitting. You and your husband never let go of one another." She shook her head and stood up, her hand slipping from his. "Have you ever had that feeling that your future is somehow behind you?" He whispered.

She paused and nodded, "All the time."

He didn't let his eyes slide shut, "I did too. But it isn't." He promised.

A smile finally showed on her face, "Ethan would have been a lot like you." But Spencer somehow felt her giving up.

So, he smiled back up at her. "Thank you for being there when I woke up. That meant a lot."

Her eyes grew glassy again, "of course." She nodded towards him and walked over to the corner chair on the plane.

Spencer turned slightly and caught Hotch's gaze. Once they locked eyes Hotch gave him a small smile and Spencer could barely smile back. As they flew towards Virginia Spencer slept and if the others could hear his quiet murmurs of conversation in his dream rather than nightmares, they didn't talk about it.

The next few hours are busy. JJ drives them to her house where they'd wait until Tony got a car for the two of them. Spencer's tired as he walks through the door, but he smiles at the sight of Will and Henry. "Hey-a Spencer," Will says in a thick southern accent. "My beautiful bride," he says to JJ, kissing her cheek. Henry bounces over to him but pauses when he spots Peter behind Spencer. "I've made dinner if you're hungry?"

Spencer smiles, "sounds good... But um, Will, Henry, this is my son Peter." He gestures and Peter moves to stand next to him.

They both look startled but Henry's the one that speaks first. "Is he, my brother?" He asks innocently and everyone is shocked into silence.

Peter clears his throat and kneels down so he's eye level with Henry, "That would be awesome! We aren't brothers by blood, but I'll be here if you need me to be." He said, "I've always wanted brothers." He laughed and Henry jumps into his arms.

Spencer is trying to stay unaffected but as he glances at JJ and Will and sees teary eyes, lets himself get a little teary-eyed as well. "Can I show you, my room?" He asked, bouncing in excitement. Suddenly Spencer sees Henry as Peter, the echo of familiar words bouncing in his head.

"Of course, you can, we'll have to be quick though. We don't want your dad feeling like he made dinner for nothing." He smiles and lets Henry pull him along. The two stumble up the stairs and the adults let out a breath.

Will looks at him in a new light, "I didn't know you had kids."

His muscles tense, "just the one."

JJ's hand reaches out and squeezes his bicep, "he's wonderful. I'm happy Henry and him, hit it off right away." She smiled and pulled back, heading to the kitchen. Will smiles kindly and pats his back before following his wife out of the room. Spencer toes off his shoes and follows, avoiding looking at the comfortable couch he's slept on many times.

As he sits down at the table, his neck twinges and he can barely hide the wince. "So, how did it go?" Will asks as he piles food onto plates.

JJ helps him, putting the plates on the table, "we got them. But someone had to go and get shot in the neck." She says trying to joke but everyone can hear the pain in her tone.

Spencer does his best not to turn his neck too much, but he has to turn to look at his best friend. "I didn't die," he states. Will grabs her hand and Spencer can see them shaking. Sighing he shifts back into his seat and taps his fingers on the wood. They stay in silence until Peter and Henry stumble down the stairs. Henry's face is flushed with joy and Peter looks happy but there's a stiffness in his shoulder that wasn't there before. He sends his son a worried look but allows himself to focus on Henry's rambles.

Spencer lets Henry monopolize the conversation over dinner. The excited chatter shifted the mood and made everyone relax. However, their car gets there eventually. Peter thanks them and heads out to Happy, who had driven all the way down just for them. However, Spencer gives Henry one hug then pulls JJ off to the side. She doesn't look confused, she knew it was coming but when he pulls her into a hug instead of a conversation, she's startled. "JJ, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I planned to tell you personally, to have a normal adult conversation surrounding the topic. But- I never wanted to tell anyone. Most people thought I got a girlfriend pregnant prematurely, even most of my family. Then those who knew treated me like I- I was broken." He admitted and she tightened her grip.

A small smile graced his lips and he continued, "You guys thought I was innocent; it was really nice. You thought that I never experience true pain until H-Hankel."

"Spence, we love you. We might worry, but just like how we worry about Derek. I'm just sorry you felt like you had to hide it from me." She said and he couldn't ignore the shake in her voice.

They stand there for a moment, "Garcia told me you guys wouldn't treat me differently. That it would be okay. But- it's okay that some things scare me. It makes me human." He says quietly and she nods pulling back.

Her hand reaches up and cups his cheek, "Being scared is important. Just like being strong is. And I don't know many people stronger than you."

Yes, I'm still alive, exhausted but alive. If you thought people exaggerated about college, I tell you that they aren't. I finally am in a comfortable, no homework for a few days, position. Anyways, hope you all liked the chapter! 

Love y'all!