𝐌ᵉᵐᵒʳʸˢ ༊ 𝗐.𝗌𝗈𝗈𝗍

Joe mama |3|

⚠︎Sensitive topics that are going to be mentioned in this chapter are:⚠︎

✵Self harm

✵Eating disorder

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Recap: A movie grabbed my attention. "Scot Pilgrim VS the world." I said stopping at the movie.

"Sure, it looks interesting." Wilbur said looking at the TV.

"Okay I'll get some snacks." Wilbur said getting up.

"Okay, sure." I said with a smile. Wilbur opens the door and closes it behind him.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

𝗬/𝗡𝘀 𝗣𝗢𝗩:

He came back with two beers and some snacks. "Here." He said passing me the beer. I grabbed the beer. While I was grabbing it, it showed some of my cuts on my wrist. "Y/N, what is that on your wrist." He said with a conserned look.

"Oh its nothing." I said covering my arm.

"Are you ok?" He asked...

I really wasn't. My mental state was shit. I am starving myself. Slicing up my skin until my bones are showing. Punishing myself at every single fuckin thing I do wrong. Everytime when someone gets mad at me. Being on the verg to just take a knife and finally end all of my pain. Stab my already hurt heart. I used to be mad everytime when someone hurts me, mentally or phisicly. But now I do it to myself. I look at myself in the mirror every morning looking at my body. Pinching the excess skin. Going on the weight and keeping track on how much weight I have lost, or gained. Of course everytime I gained i would 'punishe' myself. I really wasn't okay. But I acted like i was. The only thing I'm good at. Acting. Putting a smile on my face everytime I stream. My DMs on Instagram are fuild with death threets and people just being mean to me. For what? My whole online present was how I'm this super funny girl who has almost no emotion. Everytime when a topic that I have experience with, like sa, abuse, sh etc. I start laughing since humour is my coping mechanisms. I laughed at rape story so I didn't start having a panic attack on stream, but in the end I got cancelled.

Flash back ;P

I take a deep breath and turn on the stream. It immediately fuild up with people who wanted answers. ;H-Hey chat, this will be a quick stream just to adjust the conteversy I'm in. So let me start of my saying humor is my coping mechanisms. Everytime when I see or hear something that can trigger me, or cause a panic attack. I start laughing or making jokes. So that's why I laughed at the rape story.; I look at my hands as they were shacking. I was used to the shacking from hunger, but this was more the usual. I take a big gulp before I start talking again. ;Uhh so I'm sorry. I know that this isn't really an excuse for me to laugh at someone's horrible story, but that's the only way I can function without ending up in the hospital.; I said with a slight giggle at the end. ;Again I'm very sorry. You don't have to believe me or accept my apology. I'm just asking for people to stop uhh s-sending me death threets.; I said trying to stay calm. ;Guys I don't really wanna go Sayori mode again.; I said making a joke to cope with the current situation. I giggle a bit and look at chat.

Lovely.leah: Oh god Y/N are you ok?
Username1: what do you mean by again?
Bhabe.kay: I don't accept her apology
Ikaz.new: Girl she's over reacting, wdym by sending death threets, I bet no one is

I take a deep breath and continued. ;But uhh chat that's it. Just so you know, if I keep getting death threets and people begging me to stop recording. I probably will. Twitch isn't my actual job, I have a real job I work at. This is all for fun. So if you want me to stop, i will.; I said looking at the camera. ;Thankyu for your time. We'll see if this is my last stream or not. But bye for now.; I said as I turned off the stream...