I See Colors | Taegi

prologue

When I was younger, the world was so confusing.
I got a lot of headaches
that turned into migraines.
Mama helped me a bit
but couldn't do much.
Each time she held me
I was embraced by red and the taste of grape
that soothed me to sleep.
I thought at the time: "This is my favorite combination."

Like every other kid, I never looked forward to school.
I didn't realize until a few years later
   that it was for a different reason.

My headaches came during school.
Most of them became migraines.
It's hard to not get distracted,
not just because of the headaches,
but also because the person to the right tasted like an orange
and the other to the left tasted like copper.
I liked to think of it as blood instead.
I thought at the time: "I hate the taste of blood."

   5th grade
   was the first year that taught astronomy.
   I remember it taking my attention span
   and leaving me dazed once the class ended.
   As years progressed,
   my life spun around science
   like how the moon
   spins around the Earth.

There was only one teacher I have had
who didn't have a vibrant color with their voice
and who tasted like a fruit.

My music teacher in 8th grade.
His voice was a light indigo
since he often whispered.
When he shouted, it hit me especially
as a deep, strong indigo filled my eyes
and I could only focus on the taste of watermelon.

Those days, I was especially excited to go home,
so I could forget what watermelon tasted like
and remember the taste of grapes.
I thought at the time: "I hate shouting."

I hate the word 'freshman'.
It starts with a dark brown, almost black
and ends in a seaweed green
with hot pink near the middle.
None of my favorite colors are in that word.
After that year, I understand why.

I hadn't known there was something different about me
until the middle of that year.
A boy who tasted like beef kept whispering next to me.
I hated that taste.
And I hated the teacher's bright orange voice
that looked like a fake sun.
My eyes only wanted to close
to try and get the colors away.

The boy who tasted like beef made me sit with his friends during lunch.
I didn't have anyone else to sit with
because we had just moved.

I had a lot of friends in my middle school.
They spoke in my favorite colors
and mostly had tastes of fruit
which together would be like a fruit salad
but with kiwi
and some lemon.
It used to be overwhelming
but by the end of the year
it became a sort of happy place for me.

These people all had random tastes
that didn't line up.
One tasted like vanilla cake
but the person next to them tasted like perfume
from one of those fancy stores.
Their voices had many different colors
with many different letters
and it reminded me of the caterpillar from
Alice in Wonderland.

I lost my appetite
while I was around them.
They asked me why I didn't eat
and I said what I thought.

"You all taste like random things,
so why do you hang out together?"

They called me crazy after that
and joked all day.
The other students heard and were happy to follow,
all with their own tastes and colors
that all became my least favorites.
I didn't bother explaining
what I really meant
because all I knew
was that I
was weird.

I've lost my ability to socialize.
All I heard were conversations about me.
Those were the only ones I had to listen to.
They all thought I was insane
even though I am tan like them
and bleed the same colored blood.

I had some bullies.
Not just because I taste their voices,
but because to them,
I'm interested in weird things
and have a weird way of speaking.

It was mainly the beef tasting boy and his friends.
They made me experience so many different colors
that weren't their own,
and so many different tastes
that made me further hate the taste of blood.
And, by then,
I could tell the difference between it and copper.

I'm now in senior year of high school
and it has two of my favorite colors.
Purple and black.

The boy who tastes like beef graduated last year
and I wonder if he'll be able to get a job with that taste.
But I have some other questions that I haven't gotten answered.
Including:
What is normal?