Change of Heart - A Cahir X Reader story

Chapter 5 - It's not hate

The book I was reading was really good. It was about a princess who was forced to marry some asshole, gave birth to a child which she loved but hated at the same time, because it reminded her of her husband who she wanted to kill so badly, so in the end, she killed herself. It was tragic but really good.

After some time, the door opened and Cahir entered. He looked tired, sweat glistening on his face and his hair messy. He looked at me and the book I was reading. „Didn't know you were the type of person to read this... kind of books. Must be pretty boring, no?" I shook my head. „It's actually really good.", I told him. „Keep on reading, I'll take a bath and then we'll have dinner. Training these new recruits was nerve wracking, they didn't even know how to hold their blade without cutting themselves. I'm fucking hungry."

I wondered how young these poor recruits were when someone like Cahir-who probably wasn't that much older than them- had to tell them how they didn't kill themselves by mistake.

When Cahir got out of the bathroom with his hair wet and nothing on the upper half of his body, I thought that I would faint. I still wanted to hate this man but how could I hate him when he looked so damn fine with the scars on his chest and his face, unaware of what I was thinking. He put on a robe and then we had dinner. Unlike in the morning, he was silent for most of the time, probably because he was too tired to talk. But then, he did speak up. „Your heart.", he said. I was confused, didn't know what he meant but he quickly explained it. „This morning. When I asked you about a weakness of yours. You said it was your lungs, but I thought more about your heart. It stops you from doing things that are right. Necessary."„I always do what is necessary. That's what brought me here. I wouldn't say it is a weakness, like you do. Sure you see it as such, I mean... do you even have a heart?" I didn't mean to insult him with that, and he didn't thought that it was an insult. He smirked instead, not knowing what he did to me every time he did that.

„I do have a heart. I'm just good at hiding my feelings, because they're unimportant." "All the time? Do you think that your feelings never matter? Don't you ever cry when you lose a friend on the field?" „We lose people every day. This is why we became soldiers. To fight for our land. Even if that means dying." This sounded so sad, but I knew what he meant. I just couldn't believe that he always had to hide his feelings. That they were unimportant to him.

I was already lying in bed when I heard someone knock on the door. Cahir opened and stepped outside to talk to the man. I was curious, so I stood up again to hear what they were talking about. I didn't hear everything, but it was enough. „Come on...", the man that knocked said. „You can't have her all for yourself. You could borrow her to me. Not for every night, but I want some fun." Was he talking about what I thought he was? I hope I got something wrong but when Cahir told the man „Fuck off. She isn't a thing you can borrow.", I was pretty sure that I understood everything perfectly. The man went away, his steps getting more and more quiet and Cahir entered, seeing me obviously interested in what they said. „And you... Did your parents never taught you that eavesdropping is a naughty thing?" I didn't care what he said to me, instead I smirked as I got back in the bed, Cahir doing the same.

„Sooo, Nilfgaardian, you do have a heart.", I said, looking at him. He looked at me and simply said "I'm no Nilfgaardian. I'm from Vicovaro." „Doesn't change what you said to the man in front of the door.", I said, smirking. He was lying on his back now, facing the ceiling. „I have... had two brothers and three sisters. I wouldn't want this asshole to do something to them. And I didn't want him do these things to you as well."

„So I am like a sister to you?", I asked to be sure. „God, no.", he simply said and smirked lightly. This was kind of weird but I tried not to think about what he meant. There was one question that came to my mind as I thought about everything I knew about him. „Cahir..." He looked at me. „What's your full name?" He still looked at me, not saying anything. I looked at him expectantly, if he didn't want to tell me, for whatever reason, I wanted to know it even more.

„Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach.", he told me. I couldn't resist giggling quietly, but he noticed it and for a moment, I thought I saw him being... hurt? That was not what I wanted so I asked him if he could explain what his name meant. He told me that his name came from old Vicovarian traditions.

We spent almost the whole night talking about our families, the other people in this fort and everything that came to our minds. I saw the sun rising again and damned the night for being over this quickly. I really liked this side of Cahir. The side where he was a normal human-being, where he could talk about what he felt, what he dreamed of and what he missed about his home. It was that moment that I knew that he wasn't heartless at all and that I was probably the only person he could talk to about this.