Northstar Optimus Prime x Fem Reader

7, Grief

Grief. Its fucking hard. I sobbed into the dead, cold, metal body of my dearest friend... Oh Optimus. I miss you so much it hurts... I just wanted to feel you beside me again... To hear your voice once more... I just want you here with me. I miss you so much. And even though I know I have no right to feel this way about him... I... I think I have feelings for you, Prime.

"...Optimus, do you remember that song I was telling you about? The one my mom used to sing to me? I remember w-when I was telling you about it and you asked me to sing it for you, and I said only in exchange if you let me see you smile... And we didn't get to do it." I sniffle, heartbroken.

"I might as well do it now..." I take a breath,

"Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting. Right there where you left it, lying upside d-down..." My voice quivered, but I kept going.

"When you finally find it, you'll see how it's faded. The underside is lighter when you turn it around."

"Everything stays right where you left it, Everything stays...But it still changes, Ever so slightly, daily and nightly... In little ways, when everything stays..." I sigh, finishing the song. He of course, didn't react...

I was quite surprised when the planes hangar door slid open. With a handful of shoulders waiting on the other side, so I silently got up and exited without any words between us, but I could feel their simpathey. I painfully pushed on as they moved Optimus to an empty room in the base. I tried to not cry as I sat down at my work bench in the hanger with the rest of the bots, Optimus' spot empty...

I placed Northstar's helmet down and removed the suit before setting it back up on its stand. I sat back down in my seat and immediately started working to distract myself. Reaching for the energy swords handle I click the little button to make it come to life, but it only lasted for a quick moment before fizzling out. Damn, needs more work.

~~~

In my attempt to distract myself, I ended up working till my hands wouldn't function. Which just happened to be like two in the morning. I felt so upset over the situation that I... I started self medicating again... I was doing so good! But when I stopped I kept the leftover pills I had, and that was my mistake. So I decided to try to go to bed.

I thought that being on diazepam would help me sleep, but my thoughts were just racing as I was giggling then crying, then giggling again. Tossing at turning around my bed got really annoying, really fast. So with an annoyed huff, I grab my blanket, phone, and headphones before exiting my room quietly.

I could go outside and look at the stars. Oh wait its cloudy... I thought to myself, disappointed. As I scanned the hanger I noticed the huge door across from me. And behind said door was Optimus Prime himself...

With a quivering lip I run over to the huge door, desperate to get on the other side. I can't open it with the moter cause it's way too loud, and I can't open it manually cause it's too heavy... Then I noticed a small gap under the door. Bending down, I use all my strength to lift this 60 pound door for a gap big enough to kick my blanket, phone, and earbuds under the door before slipping under. The room was quite cold and empty, other then Optimus' body laying there in the middle of the room...

"Oppy!" I jumped like a child, running over to him.

The sound of my footsteps echoed in the room as I ran over to his body and embraced his shoulder. Next I climbed up his shoulder to his neck, around the spot I would stay hen he lifted me up to sit on his shoulder. I pulled my blanket over my body and laid into Optimus as I listened to music and softly sang along till I fell asleep.

~~~

"Y/n!" A voice shouted, my eyes snapped open to see a handful of people in the room with me.

"Wha..." I groan, I felt someone's hand grip mine and pull me up.

"Come on Y/n, get some breakfast and grab Northstar, we're leaving in 30." Lennox ordered and I groggily went along with it. Changing into shorts and a shirt. No loose fitting clothes do well with that suit. Putting my hair up I grab the Northstar and hop in with Ironhide and make our way to Egypt.

"Incoming! Stick the landing! Whoa-ho-ho! Behold the glory of... Jetfire!" The decepticon- uh Autobot, my bad, that Sam quickly told me about not so gracefully landed and started attacking. Huh, I like that guy.

"Oh god..." Sam groaned in pain, turning around I saw something I wasn't expecting. Sam's ankle was completely fucked. Oh jesus.

"Sam... Oh jesus how are you gonna get to Optimus?" I ask my brother, who was bleeding quite a bit.

"I... I'm not."

"What!? You have to! We're in a war! We need Optimus!"

"No. Not me. You. This is your destiny now Y/n." Sam places the sock with the matrix's dust in my hand.

"I know how much you care about him. Bring him back for us..."

"... Okay. Take Northstar, It'll help you move if you have to." I stand up and click a button making Northstar open up along the seams and pull back so I could just walk out, and Sam could be lifted into, then click back into place while moulding to his body shape, which left some gaps as he was a bit too big, but it'll help for now.

"We're gonna make a break through the B's on my command, okay? You guys stick with me, you understand? You stay on my ass." Lennox spoke up, we nod,

"I hope these F-16s got good aim." Epps huffed, huh?

"What do you mean?" I ask him, he looks between me and Lennox before answering.

"I told them to hit the orange smoke."

I look past Lennox and Epps, "You mean that orange smoke?" I point behind him,

"It wasn't my best toss, okay?" He sighed, oh god...

We heard someone speak through the coms before being told to run.

I decided to run around some of the debre to get to Optimus faster. I felt the hottest heat I've ever felt ingulf my back, blowing me forward. A ton of sharp piercing pain in my chest just before I landed on my back. And in that instant everything went dark.

I wanna live... I wanna live...