The heart under the dark robes

The farthest is the closest

Day 6 :

They said 10 days , they said ten days , but Harry could not do it , he could not keep the promise he had made to Aunt Petunia . Harry felt totally guilty , only in the first 3 days he had tried to split the 5 cookies that his aunt had left him and the main idea had been  to eat only one cookie each day and fill up on water , but simply his stomach hurt him a lot and  , he had to eat one cookie in the morning and one at night , he had failed his aunt .

It was day six and Harry tried to do all the chores around the house, while crying profusely. He felt cooped up, he couldn't even go out to the backyard because there were also locked down. He felt like the house was suffocating him. He didn't care about anything anymore, because  Duddley wouldn't be there to bully him and his whale ( uncle) couldn't hit him. Harry was very hungry, it was one thing to be a little bit hungry and another to be three and a half days without eating, although he gave himself encouragement, remembering that last year he had lasted few days without eating, his thoughts only wandered thinking about the abundance of food that they offered in the Hogwarts dining room, he would give anything to stay and live in the castle forever.
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Day 7

He was thanking Merlin that his relatives were not here, in more or less elegant words... he was puking his guts out in the toilet as if there was no tomorrow. Maybe it was the water from the kitchen tap or maybe he had caught something, whatever  ,  it didn't help his chronic gastroenteritis. As best he could, Harry grabbed his baby blanket and wrapped it around his shivering little body, he just wanted his mommy to come and make him feel better, like she always did when he was a baby. Harry went into the bathroom and thinking it was better to be in the same place ,  so he wouldn't have to run when he felt the bile coming up his throat . He decided to cut his trips short and sleep in the bathtub.

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Hogwarts :

Severus was turning in his bed and frankly thought , he could already make a hole in the middle of the mattress. Who he was kidding ?  yes, he was very happy, but he was also afraid, anxious and a whole bunch of other feelings that had made him finish with the calming potions in his private room. He was expressly forbidden by Poppy to consume the dreamless sleep potion (due to his mental health rehabilitation and possible addictions to the potion) and that alone meant he had started hitting things in the middle of the night to calm his river of sensations.

Happiness? Of course, who doesn’t ... Lily was no longer dead, at least not in the figurative sense and had a son ...as I had always dreamed, a little boy who would say daddy , and who would embrace him in the nights , to whom he could buy clothes and cauldrons to teach him the magical world of potions. But he was also afraid and his derivatives...what if he wasn’t a good father, if he ended up hurting the child or if he ...didn’t want him as a dad ? It was a very tangible possibility, he had treated the child like garbage all his first year, he felt he had failed as the most basic thing he was ... A tutor.

Would Lily be proud of him? He did not know it, but he would do anything to make her happy, so that she would be happy to see them reunited again.

However, the icing  on the cake that caused his fucking insomnia ,  was thinking about the mistreatment of the Dursleys. How Lily’s own sister had been able to betray her nephew. He  was flesh of her flesh and blood of her blood. That was the main cause of his long stays , reading books until dawn  ... Harry, his  Harry and what would your child’s relatives be doing at that time. Would he be eating? Would he  be okay? Would he be sick? And his  asthma? Does anyone has time to  comfort him?