Khumo: the arranged wedding

TWELVE

               DORRIS MORAPEDI

Joseph laying in the coffin, is what made me believe that he is really gone. I couldn't even cry because it wouldn't make sense of me crying louder than the widow.
Motlalepula is just being herself, being a bitch and trying to control everything. She should be sitting on a mattress, mourning her husband but she's more focused on me and what I'm doing in her house.
I saw this dark beautiful lady and little boy who had some of Khumo’s features. For a second I thought I saw Khumo until she turned and I noticed that it's not her.

Keneilwe has been crying from the day her father left this world until his burial. She's not coping. Poor Khumo is just a walking zombie. She has not cried and that's not healthy.
She was helping the ladies outside to dish for people and serving them. She was all over the place.
“Khumo?”
“Mma?”
“Come here..”
“Do you need anything aunty?”
“No my baby.. come sit here for a bit you must be tired.”
“I'm okay.”
“How are you holding up?”
“I'm okay, I knew that he was not going to make it.”
“If it gets too much, you can come and hide by my house for a few minutes. How was your last paper?”
“It was tough but I had studied so I hope I did well. I can't wait to leave this place.”
“I wish you well in everything you do. I wanted to ask you something.”
“What?”
“Do you know that lady and her son?”
“No, but she kind of looks like me.”
“I thought it was you the first time I saw her.” we both laughed before she left.

             KHUMO MORAPEDI

I kept on staring at this lady who looks like me. I wanted to ask her how she knows my father but that would be rude.
I have not had the time to sit down by myself and cry for my father. It has not sinked in that he is gone. I can't even celebrate that I'm done writing my matric exams. Why can't I be happy just once?
“Mmata are you good?”
I just looked at Itsanang
“Stupid question! Obviously you're not fine.”
“You know there's a woman who looks like you?” Tidimalo
“I saw her and I want to ask her how she knows my father but I'm so afraid.”
“Just go and ask maybe she's someone from your father's side.”
What Tidimalo was saying made sense. Maybe she's my aunt.

I walked to where she was sitting.
“Hello?”
She smiled and she had a dimple. This is creepy, it's as if I was looking at myself smiling. “Hi.”
“I'm sorry to ask this but did you know my father?”
“I didn't know him that well, he was my brother.”
“What?”
“I haven't seen him in years but my husband is a private investigator, he told me this is where he lived but it looks like I was late. It's his funeral.”
“Why did he leave home and never went back?”
“Our families and keeping secrets. I also don't know. All I knew is that I had a brother who left home and never came back. I don't blame him though.”
“Why?”
“Our parents are bulldozers. They like controlling everything! When I was old enough, I left and never went back as well.”
“Wow!”
“Are you his only child?”
“No. His first child passed away then there's me and my younger sister.” I pointed at Keneilwe’s direction.
“I have to go now, can I get your number if you don't mind?”

We exchanged numbers before she left.

“Who was that lady Khumo?”
“She said she's our aunt.”
“What?”
I shrugged my shoulders and went inside the house.

           KENEILWE MORAPEDI

I don't know how to make sense of what Khumo just said. Our aunt?
I looked inside the house for her, but I couldn't find her. She needs to explain what she meant by she's our aunt.
My phone has been ringing non stop and I hope it's not Robert. It rang again and I picked up without checking who it was.
“Hello?”
“When am seeing you?”
“TK?”
“Yes it's me. When are you coming here baby?”
“Really? We just buried my father and you want sex? Wa tsenwa?” (are you mad?)
“Since when do you care about your father? You never did when he was still alive.”
“That doesn't matter! I'm not coming there.”
“I can come there.”
“You're really sick! I can't believe I used to sleep with an idiot like you!”
“Well you did Keneilwe. Either you come here or I'll come and fetch you there.”
“Come and explain why you're sleeping with a minor.” I cut the call

I started feeling very sick and I fainted.

I woke up in our room and I remembered that I had fainted.
You're up? Khumo asked
“What happened?”
“You fainted.”
“Does mama know?”
“Know what? That you're pregnant or that you fainted?”
“That I fainted.”
“This is her house, someone must have told her.”

The door opened and our mother came in.

“Keneilwe what's wrong?”
“With what mama?”
“You fainted, you have never fainted in your entire life.”
“It must be stress?”
“Or she's pregnant?” we turned and looked at aunty Dorris standing by the door.
“Dorris this is a family matter that does not concern you! Why do you like to be everywhere? My child is not pregnant.”
“Keep telling yourself that but even a blind mouse can tell that she's pregnant.”
Khumo looked at me and I looked at her.
“I'm not pregnant aunty.”
“The truth always reveal itself punkie.”
“Dorris tswa! Get out motho wa modimo!”

                 DORRIS MORAPEDI

Motlalepula, is really stupid if she can't see that Keneilwe is pregnant.
I sat in my room holding the letter Khumo gave me. I don't know what he wrote in that letter but maybe if I read it, I will finally get the closure that I needed.

My lovely Dorris, I don't even know where to begin but I'll start by apologizing.
I'm really sorry my love for all the pain I have brought into your life.
I don't know what was wrong with me years ago when I broke your heart. I'm the reason you lost our baby. I couldn't even be there for you, to help you mourn.
I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. I just got greedy and let that greed control me.
I want you to know that I have and will always love you. I never stopped loving you.
I spent my living days wondering what would have happened if I had given us a second chance. Even on my death bed, I'm wondering if it would be possible to be with the love of my life, in the afterlife? Will it be possible to hold you in my arms, look into your beautiful eyes and tell you how much I love you.
My heart has only beat for one woman and it's always been you. All these past years I never had the courage to tell you how I felt and how sorry I am.
Nothing I say in this letter will erase the pain of losing our baby. No amount of sorries will fill that void. But I couldn't leave this world without telling you how sorry I am. I know when you look at Khumo she reminds you of what we couldn't have but she's not at fault. Please don't punish her for my sins. Don't punish her for Motlalepula’s hatred towards you as well.
I know deep down, my soft hearted Dorris still exists. I don't want you to live with so much hatred in your heart, that's not you. I want you to be very happy. Motlalepula is toxic don't be like her. Please remember who you are and never let her go. Until we meet again my love.. I love you Dorris. I will continue loving you from the grave but just be happy for the both of us.
Love
Joseph

I had tears blinding my vision as I read the letter. I will always love you too Joseph. I wish I could have told you this, while you were still alive.