Perfect Double Suicide ~Dazai Fanfiction

#19

Chapter 19

When I came back to my senses, I found myself in our bedroom. I looked over to the window and saw the night outside.

What time is it?

I sat up slowly and a sharp pain on my head hit me. I lifted my hand to my head and felt a bandage. Huh? I saw another bandage on my arm as well.

What happened to me?

The door opened and Dazai's head appeared. "Oh you're awake" He said and came inside the room, closing the door. He didn't come the bed, instead he leaned against the door. "Is it you now or the other one?" he asked and I looked at him. "What do you mean?" I asked confused and he sighted relieved. Dazai pushed himself away from the door and came the my bed to sit down. "I'm glad you're back to being you" He said and took my wrapped up hand.

Sadness overcame his face, as he looked down to my arm. "I'm sorry" He whispered and his grip got tighter around my hand. "I'm so sorry!" His voice broke and he pulled me into a hug, pressing me tight at himself. He started shaking and I wrapped my arms around him.

Did he injure me like that?

"I didn't know how to stop you, you just kept coming at me and I had no choice but to fight you till you went to the ground" He whispered and buried his face in my hair. "I didn't want to hurt you... I'm so sorry"

I couldn't believe what he was saying, I attacked him? I tried to remember what I did after the voices returned, but it was all just black.

"Say Dazai-san, what exactly did I do?" I asked and he sat back. "Are you saying you don't remember?" I shook my head. He looked away and was silent for a moment. "I woke up because I heard someone laughing and breaking things. I went after it and saw you on your rampage. The moment you seen me, you jumped at me to attack. I tried to calm you down but you were a complete other person. I had no other choice but to return the attacks and bring you down... I think in the end you came back to mind right before you collapsed, but I'm not exactly sure"

I remembered that weird scene when I saw him crying before passing out.

"Hey bunny" I bowed a bit forward and took his head into my hands. "It's okay, don't blame yourself. You had to do what had to be done. It's-" Suddenly I remembered what I did to the old lady and froze. "What is it?" He asked concerned. "Say Dazai-san... where did you find me?" I asked slowly and his eyes crossed mine. "In my mother bedroom" He replied and silence turned up in the room.

"I know you killed her, do you remember that?" His words cut through the air like knifes. I shrugged together and turned away quickly. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to feel either, I felt nothing. 

"Hey sweetheart" 

Dazai said and pulled up my chin. "You did it for me, didn't you?" He asked and I looked into his eyes. "Tell me, did you do it for me?" I nodded and swallowed heavily. "You wanted to protect me right?" Again I nodded and he smiled softly. "Then don't feel bad about it, thank you sweetheart. You did what I couldn't and you saved me" My eyes widened, as I starred in disbelieve into his.

Did he- Did he say I saved him?

He tilted his head to the right, closed his eyes and smiled. I held my breath, as I felt my heart beat fast. He said I saved him! I did the right thing and killing her was correct! The weight in the air disappeared and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me and laying my lips over his.

Oh Dazai-san, I will protect you forever!

I thought and sat down on his lap, continuing to kiss him. His hands started to wander over my body and under my clothes. I buried my hand in his hair and pulled it backward, when he squeezed my boob. I looked down into his face and saw that look in his eyes. Oh, that look and grin upon his lips. It drove me crazy every time I saw it. I bit on the lower part of my lip and gently pushed him backwards into the sheets.

I felt how hard he was already and slowly started moving over his with my hips. With my hands on his chest, looking into those eyes, I started unbuttoning his shirt. I didn't wrap his chest up in bandages, since he was passed out earlier, so when I saw him covered in scars I stopped a moment. "I'm sorry, let me-" He started but I laid a finger over his mouth. "Pssst" I made and bowed down. Starting gently to kiss over his scars. I felt him tense up and he grabbed my head, but he didn't stop me. So I continued my way down, unzipping his pants with my hands and then pulling them down and throwing off them bed.

When I looked back at him, I saw Dazai for the first time being insecure, with his arms crossed over is chest, trying to hide himself. "Hey bunny" I said and took his head gently into my hands. "You are beautiful the way you are, don't hide yourself from me okay? It's okay to show them to me, I don't think they make you ugly, they make you even more special" He looked at me with big puppy eyes and I smiled down to him. "Can I?" I asked and took his arm into my hand. For a moment he looked at the bandages, and then nodded. I smiled and slowly started to unwrap his arms. When I was done I kissed every scar I could find. Gently going with my fingers over them and making sure he'd feel that I'd love every single one. That I love and accept everything about him!

A while later, we were cuddling under the sheets, holding each other close and keeping one another warm. It did become quite cold already. I smiled while listening to his heartbeat. Hearing it would make me calm every time, remember me that he is alive and well. That the day I saw him die is no longer reality. I felt tears building in my eyes, when I remembered that night. Even though I knew it wasn't true anymore, it would still hurt me thinking back.

I can never lose you Dazai-san!

I thought and turned my head to look into his face. It made me smile again, he always looked so peacefully when he was asleep. Not a worry in the world was showing in that beautiful sleeping face.

For a little while longer I adored his cute face, before I cuddled myself back into his arms. Shorty after I fell asleep and we slept till late morning.

When I woke up, Dazai was gone already. I yawned and stretched myself, and got out of the bed walking to the window. I was surprise to see him outside already and then realized what he was doing.

He was digging a grave...

Suddenly I felt nauseous and ran to the bathroom. I almost didn't make it and ended up puking into the bathtub, which was closer to the door. After I finished, I cleaned the tub and then sat on the floor holding my stomach. I felt like needing to puke again and I was so dizzy!

I must be getting really sick, I should go and see a doctor.

I heard Dazai come inside the house and walk up the stairs. Shortly after he came back and it sounded like he dragged something heavy down the-

He was taking the body out to bury it.

I immediately had to puke again. Flashbacks of what I did yesterday to that old lady came back, and I felt like I was close to passing out. Then suddenly everything went away and I was left shaking and holding onto the bathtub. I must have been under some kind of shock I though and cleaned the tub after I had calmed down. I weirdly seemed all good again, so I went downstairs to get some water. When I passed the window, I decided to not look outside, before I'd end up puking again.

While drinking my water I thought about what I could do for dinner. Thinking about anything with meat made me feel sick again, so I decided it gotta be vegetarian today. Or maybe I could make some Sushi. Thinking about raw fish made me wanna puke again.

What the hell? I love Sushi!

Something was off, but I didn't get to think about it much more because Dazai came back in the house into the kitchen. He gave me a cheek kiss, said good morning, grabbed some cleaning products and then went upstairs again. He was for sure gonna clean up all the blood. Maybe I should- I stopped my own thought, because this time I was sure gonna puke.

What kind of flu is this?