Fading Away ✅

Chapter Sixteen

I am almost at Blaze's house and I'm so close to turning the car around. I don't want to go; that I  know. My hands twitch and my heart pounds.
She is never going to celebrate her birthday; that is on me but I have the opportunity to visit someone else's birthday I am a plague and people need to stay away from me before they get infected. I take a deep breath and walk towards the house, I'm just going to be here for a little while and make up an excuse to leave

I hear music behind the house and walk behind the house to see children in shorts and bikinis. There are floats in the pool with children in them, others spraying themselves with water guns, and adults supervising them. Laughter rings around me and I'm reminded of why I shouldn't be here.

Ellie runs to me in a pink bikini and a big smile.

"How is my beauty doing?", I ask crouching down to her level and hug her?

"I am fine and I'm finally seven. I'm so grown-up"

She pulls me to a decorated table filled with cupcakes, cookies, and oroes. There was an ice cream stand, a popcorn machine controlled by a lady giving bags of popcorn to the kids, and a cotton candy stand

Ellie hands me a cupcake. A little girl with auburn hair runs to Ellie

Belle, this is Sophie. Ellie points to the girl and Sophie, this is Belle; my other best friend.

I give Sophie a small smile and Ellie waves to me and runs to the ice cream stand with Sophie in town

I can't find Addison or Seth anywhere. Addison told me Blaze wasn't going to be here. It made me wonder why he didn't like Ellie; there was more to the story

I take a bite out of the fluffy and creamy cupcake. I head into the house to find Addison or Seth. I want to thank Seth for the invitation and make up an excuse that I have to go.
I search the kitchen and living room, they are both empty. I walk upstairs and passing by Blaze's room, his door is wide open.

Do not go in there, my conscience states. Do I ever listen to my conscience? No

I walk into Blaze's room which is lit only by those fluorescent blue lights. It wasn't completely dark but it was dim

This is an evasion of privacy. Haven't you heard of the proverb, "curiosity kills the cat", my conscience says

Well, "satisfaction brought it back"

Blaze's bed is unmade and some clothes are strewn on the bed. His laptop lays open on his table, the only bright light in the dim room. There is a book on the table as well

On the laptop is a search engine and in the search box are three simple words but three messed up feelings; pain, fear, and blame

I stare at the book that has cursive handwriting, the words read:

The pain in me;
they do not see
The fear in me;
I try not to show
To get rid of these feelings;
I blame it on her

My throat gets clogged and I begin to worry. Why did I read that? The fear of someone reading my self-hate book comes to mind and I feel guilt

I take a step back and immediately, a hand is wrapped around my neck. I let out a strangled breath

"Who the hell are you?", Blaze whispers in my ear

"It's Alexa, Blaze. Let me go, you are hurting me"

Blaze immediately lets me go and I turn around to see him close; I mean close to me.
Our noses are almost touching and his green eyes up-close look mesmerizing. His eyes are beautiful. We both look at each other and I feel his hand on my neck, his hand moves slowly to cup my cheek and I feel like I'm under a spell with his feather-like touches.

He swipes his thumb over my lower lip and places it in his mouth, sucking on it with his eyes on me the whole time

I feel hot all over and I lick my lips biting on them. He releases my lip with his thumb and I let out a strangled breath

I jerk back to reality and realize where I am.
No, no, no
What am I doing
I turn around, running out of Blaze's room, out of the house, and into my car

Stupid, stupid, stupid
Selfish bitch
You don't deserve happiness

I keep muttering as tears run down my face.
I spend the rest of the day at the cliff feeling broken all over again and hating myself

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Blaze's POV

Who the fuck is in my room.

My little sister's birthday party is going on and the music is irritating. I don't want to be here. I love my sister but it's hard to look at her; it's painful to look at her face

Someone is in my room and I swear if any of Ellie's friends go through my stuff...

Standing in front of my laptop is someone that looks older than Ellie's friends
She doesn't notice I'm behind her

Shit, my book is open, no one can see what's in that book
Walking closer, I see the person has curly hair. The only person I know with curly hair is her

And anyway, she told Addison she wasn't coming. I doubt she's the one
She takes a step back and I wrap my hand around her neck

"Who the hell are you?", I whisper in her ear

"It's Alexa, Blaze. Let me go, you're hurting me"

Shit

I immediately let go of her and she turns around to face me
We are close, too close to each other.

I don't know what comes over me but the sadness in her eyes has me cupping her neck. Her long lashes framing her eyes make her beautiful

I slowly move to cup her cheek. It feels like I'm in a trance. Her lower lip has a small coat of icing on it and I swipe it from her lip with my thumb.

Maintaining eye contact, I suck my thumb clean. She licks her lips and bites on them.
I feel hot all over. I use  my thumb to release her lips staring at her lips and she lets out a strangled breath
I stare at her soft lips wishing to taste them

Before I can regain my thoughts, she runs out of my room

Fuck, fuck, fuck
What did we almost do? I ran my hand through my hair letting out a deep breath. I see something on the floor by my swivel chair.
You have a girlfriend for fucks sake,dummy

I pick up the charm bracelet that pretty sure belongs to the curly haired girl who just ran out

The first person to call me egotistical.
She pisses me off so much with her sassy and sarcastic comments

Since the day, she yelled at me when I was having a mental breakdown; I think of her a lot

When Addison spilled that she had told her about my mum's death, I was so pissed but after the yelling match we had here, it was like she opened my eyes

She opened my eyes so I could see I wasn't alone
Weirdly, I felt calm that someone understood what I was going through
Lucas and Addison are my best friends and they have always been there for me but they didn't understand exactly how I felt

It feels weird, right?

I decide to keep the charm bracelet.
Of all the charms on the bracelet, three charms draw my attention

The key with the letter S on it, the rose, and the half hearts joined together with the letters A and R engraved on it

She is probably going to kill me when she finds out I have her charm bracelet

But it is going to stay with me for a while whether Belle likes it or not

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A/N: This chapter felt bland to me but anyways see you in the next chapter