My heart rate slows down and I feel a stinging pain in my wrist
I place my hand under the flowing tap and hold back a yelp
The physical and emotional pain is present but the emotional pain overlaps the physical pain
I take the first aid kit, dab the cotton in the antiseptic and wipe it over my wrist. I whimper out loud, it hurt like hell but funny enough, it felt right; in a masochistic way
I have learned to cut without making it deep. I don't need mom knowing I self-harm
I don't want her to get worried
To her, I am quiet, sane Alexa and it is better that way
I rub antibiotic ointment on both of the cuts and bandage it and also take in aspirin.
Today is going to be hell and it is still morning. I think of ditching school but remember I have an AP Calculus test to take
Mr. Holland stated that it would account for forty percent of the term's work
I walk back to my room and search for her favorite hoodie which had been stashed far back into my closet. The black hoodie has a motif of a rose on the back of the hoodie with sweet and dangerous written below it
You could say her signature image was a rose
Tracing the rose, I sigh and pick up leggings to wear with it
After dressing up, I take the charm bracelet and put it on. It feels strange wearing it and I am close to placing it down but decide against it
I am wearing her hoodie, I might as well be more selfish and take something I don't deserve to have. Selfish bitch
∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆•∆
Take your seats and get ready for the test, Mr. Holland yells
You have a test to take and instead of you preparing for it, you make a noise like there's no tomorrow. In those days, he begins, everyone groans and the noise begins again
Finally, after a long ten-minute lecture about how the youth of today disappoints him, he shares the tests. Halfway into taking the test, the door opens to reveal Blaze. I already knew how the conversation between him and Mr. Holland will go like
Mr. Grumps is going to ask why he's late and he will give a sassy or stupid comment. The wonders of reading too many cliché books
He only rolls his eyes and gives the test to Blaze telling him to sit down
I look back at my test paper and there are a lot of questions I do not know the answers to and I just want to close my eyes and sleep
I hear the sound of the chair scraping and I lift my head quickly to see Blaze sitting beside me. No one sits by me and I like it that way, Blaze just has to make my cliché books precise
There are empty seats around the class and we aren't friends
Ten minutes later, Blaze pats me and I and turn towards him
"What do you want?"
"You didn't do number ten, the answer is thirteen", he whispers
"And how do I know you are right", I whisper back
"Because I know the answer and you don't"
"Mind your business", I snap at him
"That's usually what I say but it seems like the table's turned today, what crawled up your ass"
I ignore him and decide to take the answer; it's not like I have any other choice
After Mr. Holland collects our test papers, I decide to apologize to Blaze for snapping at him. Life is too short to hold grudges; I had learned that the hard way and I was suffering from it
Blaze walked out of the door and I ran to catch up with him
Falling in step with him, he smirks.
"You can't get enough of me; can you?"
"Your ego's showing", I reply.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you back in the class"
"No hard feelings, he says with a shrug. I am right and that's all that matters"
"So obnoxious", I mutter under my breath
Lucas and Addison walk up to us arguing.
"Stop being paranoid, she is not a banshee", Addison says
"She was wailing like one when I told her it was over between us", Lucas replies
"I give up", she groans and thumps his head
"Not again", Blaze says with a sigh
"Ouch, Addison. What was that for?"
"Talking with you is like having an old television, you have to slap it a few times to get the picture"
"I still say she's a banshee and I'm pretty sure the warning is for the spawn devil I call brother"
"Oh please, Zach is an angel"
"He kicked me in the crotch, how is that angelic"
"You probably deserved it"
"Should I ask what this is about?", Blaze asks
"Just know, Lucas broke up with Emma"
"About time, I never liked her anyways"
"Me neither", Addison states
"She is hot and all but it started getting weird when I caught her sniffing my boxer briefs twice", Lucas says shuddering
Okay, that is gross
"Anyways Alexa, Addison begins wrapping an arm around me. My heart pounds and I want her hand off
I'm sure Blaze didn't tell you this but Ellie is having a birthday party and she wants you to be there."
Blaze spaces out at the mention of Ellie's name and there is a pained expression on his face.
"Seth wanted me to relay the message, last times event didn't make that possible"
"Sorry, but I don't think I can make it", I say trying to come up an excuse.
Yes, because you'll be moping around all day. Fun, my conscience states
This is one of the few times I wish lying came to me easily
I love Ellie and I want to go but today isn't a good day for me
"Sorry, Addison but I just can't"
"Can I have a word with you?, Addison looks at Blaze and Lucas
Privately", she adds
"No way, I want to know", Lucas says with a pout
"Lucas, do you want me to tell Blaze what I saw you doing last week"
"On second thought, the bell just rang and I have a history test to take, he says running down the hallway"
"What happened last week, Addison?"
"I am not telling you anything, my lips are sealed"
"Lucas, come back here. When have you ever willingly gone to History class", Blaze yells running after Lucas
"Lex, Addison turns to me
Remember when I told you about Blaze's mom"
"Yes, I do"
"So, technically I didn't mention one thing. Miss Amy died giving birth to Ellie so Miss Amy's anniversary is
" Ellie's birthday", I finish
"Right but Seth and Blaze can't handle death and birth at the same time so Ellie's birthday was switched to another date that is today"
"Also, the party was a last-minute decision. We were just going to have dinner and eat cake but Seth got a birthday planner at the last minute. It would mean a lot to Ellie if you; the best babysitter ever according to Ellie comes to the party"
I don't deserve to go to the party; I know that. I had already ruined her chance of ever having a party.
On the second hand, the least I can do is be there for Ellie when she needs me; I had not learned that
"All right, I say
Expect me there"
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
A/N: See you in the next chapter❤
YOU ARE READING
Fading Away ✅
Teen FictionOverthinking make the voices in your head imminent and you begin to listen to them. You listen to them because they are the only thing there,the only thing telling you how it is. So you believe what they say; believe you're not worth the good thing...
