Fading Away ✅

Chapter Two

The moment I step inside the house, I march straight towards the kitchen.

Something smells delicious. I sneak towards my mum and place my head on her shoulder. Mum is making chicken casserole for dinner.

"Were you given an off day or something", I ask and kiss her cheek.

"No, the hospital had no severe cases this morning and since I covered Lucy's shift yesterday, she offered to cover mine"

I nod and shove my head in the refrigerator in search of my ice cream. I had hidden my cookie dough ice cream far back in the refrigerator because of Brandon.
That little devil better not have taken it.

Fortunately,I find it and close the refrigerator.

"How was school today?", my mum asks

"Same old, same old", I answer

I don't look at her because I don't want to see that pity smile that is obviously on her face

My mum always looks forward to a different answer but I can't give her that. I have no friends, it's as simple as that. She is beginning to think what happened in New York is the reason affecting me being unable to make friends.

She is right but I'm not going to to tell her that, it'll just make her worry.

I shake my head to rid myself of those past images and swallow a gulp of ice cream

I walk upstairs to my room muttering a mantra of leaving the past in the past; if that was even possible

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Tuesday passed quickly. If other weekdays could behave like Tuesday,I could actually love going to school
I laugh at the absurdity of that idea

I wake up the next day after a shitty night, take a shower and settle on wearing leggings and a black turtle neck sweater with white converse.

I take out a white envelope from my drawer. I want to open it but hesitate and sigh. Tears threaten to spill and I place the envelope back.

I pick up the charm bracelet beside it
Reminiscing about my past isn't going to do me any good.
"Forgetting isn't either",my conscience says

But ignoring you is, I say back

I return the charm bracelet to its place and hoist my school bag on my shoulder and walk out of my room

Walking into the hallways, I see people crowded at their lockers talking to friends or laughing.

Suddenly,a strange feeling takes over me. That feeling that comes once in a while;a suffocating loneliness
I sigh and trudge ahead refusing to entertain that feeling

I move to my locker and pull out my English notebook. A subject that used to be my favorite subject until someone destroyed it. I erase that memory as soon as it comes

I walk into English class waiting for Miss Valerie
Our English teacher, Miss Valerian is a beautiful young lady and the boys always make pervy comments about her.

Their conversations range on what her body count is,how fuckable she is and how she is their center of their wet dreams.

I groan
I don't deserve imagining my teacher in that way

I really have to stop listening to Layla.

Miss Valerian enters the class and  wolf-whistles ring among the boys

I don't know if I'm the only one but sometimes I think Miss Valerian encourages it. The boys make their flirting obvious and she flirts back

I roll my eyes and open my"thought book".
It is sort of a journal where I write poem ideas, make designs, put in random thoughts, or let out my feelings through words

I had started making a design of a feeling
A feeling I was experiencing lately; one-word loneliness

I don't draw, I practice lettering. It gives me a strange sense of comfort
I had already made the lettering and I had decided to finish it

Below it ,I wrote:
The word loneliness is defined in the dictionary as being unhappy because you have no one to talk to but that is not true. You can have everything and still be lonely.
Loneliness doesn't  grab you,it lures you in slowly until you finally succumb to it. So I might as well start embracing because it's now a part of me I can't get rid of

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Q/A: On a scale of 1 - 10, how annoying are your siblings; that is if you have any❤

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