Ace of Spades (BxB)

Chapter Eighteen

~♤Aces PoV♤~

I sat under the stream of water from the shower head, holding my legs to my chest. Thinking is a thing I've been doing a lot lately and right now is no exception. The opposite really. I felt gross at how much I told him but also so relieved I actually got it off my chest. I don't think I have ever said that much about my personal life to anyone. After all of that happened I had a personality swap. I stopped giving a fuck and haven't been in a relationship since then. Honestly I don't care anymore. I don't even remember that assholes name.

That's bullshit. Eric Benson was his name I believe. And he wasn't an asshole.

Actually he was but that's not the point. I don't care about him anymore. I don't care about anyone.

What about Mason? You obviously care about him.

Okay, a little bit. But he's the only one. He took me in and is helping me. I'd never date him either. We have a good friendship and that's that.

Under the right circumstances you know, he has a nice body-

Shut up.

I think it's time to stop thinking now. There was a knock at the door that made me jump.

"Y-yes!?" I squeaked. I blushed and cleared my throat. How embarrassing.

"You coming out soon? Food is getting cold." Mason said through the door.

"Yeah. I'll be out in a sec."

I stayed in there for a few more minutes then shut off the water and dried myself off. I think all that crying gave me a headache. Today is going wonderfully, it has everything I want a day. Emotional breakdown, pain, mentally and physically, and there's definitely going to be an awkward conversation when I get out there.

It was weird how much I related macaroni and cheese to childhood and it felt almost uncomfortable. Anxiety built in the pit of my stomach as I thought about what to say. I had to say something even if I really didn't want to.

Thank you... By the way. I've never been able to say stuff like that." I cringed at the silence that I wish I hadn't broken.

"Of course Ace. Any time. And I meant what I said earlier. I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to."

I couldn't tell if it was what he said or my anxiety making my heart race. Probably a combination of the two. You don't just spring that on a person y'know? I'm still recovering from before and now you have to be all serious again. I just wanted to be polite jeez.

"Um yeah thanks. I was saying weird stuff just ignore it. I mean, I do appreciate it but... ah fuck this is embarrassing." He shot me his language look but didn't say anything.

"I said a lot of embarrassing things and I'd appreciate it if you didn't bring it up and for my sanity stop being serious." I groaned.

Mason laughed and agreed. Every time he laughs it's so... irritating. Like sure it's nice to hear but makes me feel kind of fluffy in a way and its gross. It's not bad that after all that emotional crap I'd feel more relaxed right? That's normal.

I can feel when I shift into that space. My body relaxes almost completely and my brain gets foggy and I just feel good. It didn't help that Mason was watching my every move and made me want to die, but I tried to ignore him. Okay I'll admit it I want to be in little space. One, because I can't deal with this situation anymore and two, it'll make me feel better and probably get Mason to do something other than stare at me.

I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "what?"

"Nothing. I'm just happy you-" yeah I knew exactly where that was going.

"Don't say it. I don't want to know." I poked at the noodles in my bowl. "I feel better. I want to meet your friends soon."

There was that spark that was always in his eyes. He told me about them and how excited he was for us to meet. I guess that's something that makes him so good at being a caregiver. Not like I would say that out loud I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

After listening to Mason rant about all sorts of things I wasn't paying attention to I sat on the couch with Bean as Mason did work stuff.

"It's crazy how good he is at talking. I'd go as far to say creepy. And way too happy. But then again understanding and comfortable to be around. When he's not staring at me like a maniac. Yeah... he's kinda great."
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