Island of Lies (18+)

35

But only for a moment and in the next one I'm craddled against hard chest while soothed by beautiful voice.

"It's gonna be alright. I'm sick, you're sick we'll cure each other. You'll be my cure little one, won't you? Hm, baby carrot?" Murmurs of his gentle yet words that sounded inarticulate to me due to pressure in my ears, made me feel...

Uneasy.

Somehow, shivers were sent up my spine, making me feel unpleasant as if I could sense something big was up. Something... Forbbidden.

Parted lips of mine were gaped for few milimeters, trying to move, to atleast form some sort of word, but it sounded like a gurgguling of sliced throat fulfilled with thick blood.

"My sweet girl, take it easy." The sweetness made me gag. It was as if someone pressed a certain button that was hidden beneath clothes. This wasn't him.

It couldn't be.

He couldn't be.

But yet he was and the realisation hit me, it wanted to make me cry and throw even a big fit. How come I missed all signs? How in the name of God?

I was always having a bigger interest in a psychology and yet I never noticed red flags that my father had... Or that Collan has.

All the puzzles were fitting properly, making it seem more realistic. My heart was bleeding for him, for his story.

Because now I understand.

The first time I took a peek in the psychology field was when I had a friend in high school that was diagnosed with Asperger sindrome. She never disclosed or even somehow revealed that she was different. But the more we hung out I noticed her changing demeanor.

Avoiding hugs especially kisses.

Being like a robot but literarlly.

She was never able to understand jokes or sarcasam.

And one day she just blurted out her issues. Of course you expect when someone has its own struggles that it would probably be tattooed on their forehead, because it should be obvious.

Whenever someone mentions autism or psychopathy we expect to notice because it should be noticeable. But it isn't.

Those people are perfectly fitting in our world because they are normal and it isn't easy to read through someone's motions, emotions... Just like Collan seemed like an asshat to me, it never ringed anything more.

But now as I look closely...

It does.

Palming his chin, my thumb started stroking it lightly leaving a trail. The nurturing should calm him down, bring him back I hope. I never had an experience like this and realising it made me all panicky and nervous. I didn't want to fuck up. To make things even more shitty.

I clung to him like a little monkey, tangling his legs with mine until his nose found the crook of my neck, inhaling the scent...

"I knew I would find you again."

What does he mean by that? I was always here. Walking on the eggshells was the perfect word to describe the feeling that was cooking inside of me. Anything could be a trigger and it seems that my breaking, yelling and choking brought him back to the past events.

"I knew from the moment I saw you there." Rocking slightly while holding me, he talked. And I listened, hoping to hear atleats a slightest crumble that would explain his diagnosis to me.

"It's alright Collan, I had my moment. I'm fine now." Sighing, I tried to move but he wouldn't let me. Not until he comes back...

"You were sexy in that white dress and cardigan." Frowning, the wheels started turning in my head. When the fuck did I wear that? I never wore those in his presence... I haven't wore a dress in a... Year probably? Yeah, I think it's a year. Except when I started college, but he never saw me in it.

"I would always ask her about you, but she wouldn't tell a single damn thing." He spoke faster and faster and it wasn't easy to catch up.

"Ask who?" I was getting impatient and I wanted more thank anything else to talk normally... But I couldn't.

"Well her obviously." He said seeming frustrated. The only person who was frustrated was me. It was getting on my nerves that I couldn't put two and two together to discover what the fuck was he talking about.

"Who is she?" My voice ranged through the house a bit too loud for his liking so he dropped me out of his hold and walked away yelling and pulling his hair.

"I have to go!" His feet were stomping loudly as if the elephant was in the room.

"Go where?" I quickly got up running after him through his hallway.

"Go!Go!Go!" He continued yelling.

"But where Collan?! Where?!" Words were just leaking out of my mouth, not caring even in the slightest if they upset him again.

I. Need. Answers.

And he isn't willing to give them.

Like a gazelle, he jumped out of the porch into the woods, barefoot and coatless like a wild man walking as far away from me as he could, and I stood there as the wind touched me with its fingertips and made me cough.

I closed the door, took Brio and sang him a lullaby while watching through the window his return.

It will be a cold and a long night, but I got nothing else to do.

Except for a furthermore digging.