When We Were Young (Twilight)

Chapter 21

It feels later than it is- a whole week's worth of emotional upheaval catching up to me- and as tired as I am, I don't know if I can sleep.

Later that night, when I get to Rose and Em's apartment, I don't expect anyone to be up. A quick glance at the clock, and I see it's only 9 p.m.

Em is in the kitchen, and when he sees me, he raises his eyebrows. He's already made coffee, and for a split second, I take the time to wonder how he's doing.

He stands and pours me a mug and sets it on the counter. He looks so much like Charlie at this moment, I can't help but hug him.

"The last few days..." I say, even if it's muffled, "I've realized how unfair I was to you after...Dad died. I'm sorry, Em."

His arms keep me close for a second and he pulls back.

I've always heard that I was the one who looked like Charlie, and Em looked like Renee.

I see Charlie in the way he looks at me right now: worried but proud.

"Hey. We get through things the way we get through them. I don't blame you for how you felt. I'm sorry I couldn't help you sooner." He pulls me back to him, and when he lets go, his mischievous smile is back. "So, how's the husband?"

"Who's asking? My brother or the town gossip?"

I raise an eyebrow, waiting.

"Brother first, always."

I smile, because for as long as I can remember, he has been there for me. Garrett just happens to be his best friend, and the two of them gossip like old ladies.

"He's... okay," I say, and he raises an eyebrow. "We're in a limbo right now, I guess. Things aren't strained, but I don't know what's next." He watches me. "He kept his apartment when we moved. He said it was mine, if I wanted it."

"What do you want?" he asks.

I want the boy who made me laugh until my stomach hurt the night we met.

I want the man that kissed me crazy in the rain the day we became husband and wife.

I just want him in any way.

If that's even possible.

Em must know what I'm thinking because the look he gives me is a little skeptical, but he nods anyway.

"You're a grown-up, and I know you're not taking this lightly."

I nod, waiting for his "but."

My phone rings, and when I see the name on it...

"Just be careful or I'll break his nose again."

—

"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you." He sounds like he just woke up.

"It's okay. I had to get going, anyway." I sit outside on the patio, watching the stars. The sound of the city soothes me. "I missed your snoring, anyway."

It comes out quick, but I'm not even a little sorry that I've said it.

Edward laughs. "A lifetime ago, I didn't think that I'd ever hear you admit that."

"That's probably true. You're up early," I mention, thinking of the question I asked but I don't think he heard; he was definitely asleep.

"I have to go to the hospital and check on my patients."

"Hope you remember how to be a doctor." I smile, recalling how tired he was earlier.

"Yeah, so do I,' he agrees with a huff, "how did your meeting go?"

Kate didn't let Garrett tease me too much for being late. When I told them the reason I was; Kate smiled and Gar looked like he was ready to call Emmett.

We decided to do an exhibit for a month. It'll open in a few weeks. Kate was already putting out information, ordering lights, caterers and promo gear.

"It went great. I can't wait to see what Kate does with the studio."

"Good." I hear him shuffling around, and for a brief moment, I remember watching him get ready for a shift.

The feelings I ignored for so long make their way back to me.

The smile he'd give me when I would tell him he didn't have to work.

Pulling off his shirt after he'd just put it on.

In the moment of silence, I take a deep breath. If I don't say it now, I don't think I ever will. So I decide to lay it all on the line.

"I don't know what this is. The thought of talking to you again makes me so happy and so guilty at the same time." He lets out a breath but I keep going. "For so long I tried to deny that I wanted you in my life. I placed so much blame and anger on you when I had no reason to. I'm truly sorry."

I close my eyes; it feels so good to say these words out loud to him, finally.

"I don't know what this means for us—talking again. I want to make this clear to you, Edward: I'm not signing those papers, and I know we have a lot to work out. But I want to. I want us to work it out. I need you in my life."

He lets out a laugh, and then...

"Good, I've missed you..."

I immediately feel better, smiling so wide.

I know we have a long way to go, but it's a start.