At this point everyone knew about me and Damiano and only two days had passed. Two days in which he refused to talk to anyone, completely ignoring all of us. It was self explanatory that he was hurt and didn't want anything to do with me anymore.
I even tried writing again, but couldn't. I wanted to write down exactly how I felt, but somehow the paper stayed empty. And I couldn't describe it any better.
'Sorn, don't you want to go out for a little? Maybe we could go for a walk at least.' suggested Meike sitting on the bed besides me.
These two days all I did was cry and sleep. I couldn't eat, I couldn't go to work. Only then I realized how attached I was to Damiano and how my life didn't make much sense without him.
'I don't feel like getting out of bed.' I shrugged.
'We can all come and just go to the park and have a picnic.. anything that could make you feel better.' she sighed.
'Meike, I need to talk to him. He needs to hear me, to know my side of the story.'
'He might be in denial, he might be hurt too. You should let things fall in their place, things will work out eventually.'
'I can't stay here and don't do nothing! I need to talk to him.'
I reached for my phone and texted Damiano once again. Meike was watching me with dissapointed eyes, but didn't say anything.
me: damiano can we please talk?
me: i just need to talk to you then you can forgot you met me
me: please consider this
I sighed and let down my phone. I knew he wouldn't answer, why would he after all? These days I had the time to think about everything and I still wasn't accepting the idea of him leaving me for good, but at the same time it was the most plausible situation. He wasn't talking to anyone, wasn't answering his texts.. basically he ghosted all of us.
I was drown in my thoughts when I heard that my phone got a notification and I immediately opened it.
damiano: fine then
damiano: meet me at the park at 6
'Thank god' I sighed in relief.
'What? Did he answer?' asked Meike trying to look in my phone.
'I'll meet him at 6.. God, I need to know what I'll say to him..'
'You don't need a speech, you need to tell him what you feel. What you told us. Also, will you tell the others that he accepted to meet you?'
'Of course.. that's the least I can do.' I shrugged.
-
'I don't think I can do this.' I sighed looking at Thomas, Ethan, Vic and Meike who were sitting on the couch.
'Of course you can, you've been dying to talk to him for a couple of days now!' protested Vic.
'What if he doesn't believe me? I mean, he wanted to meet me so that means he wants to make everything ok, right? Right?' I looked at them with desperate eyes.
'You shouldn't have expectations from anyone' sighed Ethan.
'Sorn, you should go. It's already 5:40' said Thomas looking at the clock.
I nodded and hugged them all, then left the apartament . It was almost September and the weather started to get colder. I entered the park and searched for Damiano with my eyes, then spotted him. He was on a bench, smoking.
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath, before approaching him. He looked up to me and my heart skipped a beat. He had proeminent dark circles and tired eyes.
'Damiano-' I started trying not to cry.
'Let's don't do that. You said you wanted to talk, well- talk.' he said without looking at me.
You turned him this cold.
'S-sure, yeah. First of all, I'm really sorry- I wish I told you from the beginning, but I was too scared-'
'So you were scared to tell me that my girlfriend was cheating on me? Scared of what, Sorn? You didn't even know me.'
'Scared of- of not being able to get to know you. I suppose you read everything- I admired you before I knew you.'
'Sorn, this is not an explanation, it doesn't make any sense! You could've told me, who knows, maybe that would've bonded us even better!'
'I know, I just- I didn't want to be nosy and get into your relationship with Wanda when it clearly wasn't my bussiness..'
'You knew how much it hurt me, you acted surprised when I told you..'
I could feel my heart breaking. He was now looking directly at me, gesticulating.
'I know I've been dishonest, but- I love you! You can't leave me, Damiano!' I tried to grab his hand, but he shook it off.
'I just got out of a toxic relationship and now I am in one again. This is a lie, it was a lie from the beginning.'
'Please, reconsider this. Let's start over, I- I can't do life alone-' I started, but he intrerrupted me.
'I can't do this either. I can't get over this, at least not now. I should be going.' he said and stood up, starting walking.
'No! Please, listen to me!' I stood up and followed him. My vision was blurry from all tears.
I grabbed his hand and turned him around to look at me. My hand went to his face and I cupped his cheek, wiping the tears that escaped his eyes.
'No..' he whispered moving his head.
'Is this the end?' I whispered back. It even started raining.
'I'm scared it is, he answered taking off his jacket. Put this on until you get home.' he said and handed it to me.
He turned around and walked to the exit of the park and I watched until I couldn't see him anymore. The rain made my clothes soaking wet so I run home. I wasn't totally processing what just happened, but I was completely desperate.
Once I got home I bursted in the room. Everyone looked at me with pity eyes and the questions started immediately.
It's all my fault. It will always be.
