The room was quiet and dark, but I swear my body was dancing and lightning the whole place. I felt like fire within my bones, like my soul was alive again. Until the guilt hit me.
He broke the kiss slowly. I was still keeping my eyes closed because of the embarrassment that I was feeling. I could sense Damiano smile and move his face away from mine. I opened my eyes and felt like my cheeks were on fire.
'This changes everything.' he whispered looking in my eyes.
I nodded, avoiding eye contact. The silence between us got so intense and overwhelming I couldn't keep up with it.
'I'm sorry.' I snapped.
'What? For what?' he asked confused.
'For this. It's not normal. You just broke up with Wanda, things are still complicated.. I can't do this.'
'I wanted this too, Sorn. Don't blame it on yourself.'
'It's not normal, fuck, I said and stood up with my hands in my hair. I- I shouldn't have done this for fucks sake!'
'Hey, hey, hey, chill. You didn't want this?' he asked standing up coming in front of me.
'I wanted, but it's not how it's supposed to be. I need to- think about this.'
'I'll give you time.' he said.
He debated a second if he should hug me or not, but just gave up on that idea. He took his phone from the bed and left without another word. When I heard the front door closed I crawled in my bed, sobbing.
What was I thinking? I shouldn't have done it, even though my mind was craving for it. I confused him and even myself. It wasn't platonic anymore- we couldn't be friends who kiss sometimes. It's not the kind of relationships I wanted with him. Even I didn't know what I wanted.
I opened my diary, scribbling anything that came in my mind.
24.06.2021
My mind is drunk and I wish I could sober myself up. I'm tired. I wish I could put all my feelings in a jar. I'm sick of stressing, panicking, of frustration. It's been only six days and our relationship just got more complicated. I don't know if I want to commit to this, I don't know if I am capable.
unconditionally, Sorn
It was already very late and the next day I had work. I stayed up laying in my bed until 4am, just thinking about what was going on and what was I supposed to do in that situation.
-
'You'll be late' I heard Thomas say, coming in my room.
'I'm not going to work today.' I murmured.
'What's going on?' he asked confused.
'Text Vic and tell her to pay me back for yesterday and take my shift too.'
'Fine.' he said and leave my room.
I was not able to fall asleep again and instead I just layed in bed, thinking. Not short after Thomas came in my room again, bringing me some sliced apples.
'You should eat..' he said smiling and sat next to me.
I nodded and smiled softly.
'What happened?' he asked again.
'I made a mistake towards Damiano and I don't know how to fix it.' I sighed. I needed Thomas's support.
'A mistake? Like what? Did you fight with him?'
'I kissed him.' I murmured.
'What? he laughed. Is that a mistake? I bet he wanted it too.'
'He did want it, he kinda initiated it.. I still feel like shit.'
'Sorn, you can't just be unapproachable your whole life. Let Damiano get to know you.. It's true, you two did kind of rushed, but there's no right way to do this..'
'Don't give me relationship advice' I laughed.
'I'm just trying to help, but I guess you're still a know-it-all.' he said rolling his eyes.
'Thank you Thomas. Really. I'll try. I need some time though.'
He smiled and kissed my cheek before leaving my room.
-
All I did that day was read, eat, overthink and play games on my phone. I had a constant headache probably because I was a lot on my phone. Thomas went to school, so I was all alone.. and it felt depressing. Alao the storm that was all over Rome did not help.
I really tried not to look on Damiano's Insta. I was on his friends close list and I knew he had a story up, but I didn't want to see it. I fell asleep earlier since the last night I only slept three hours.
-
The next morning I was woken up by my alarm. I saw that Victoria and Meike texted me.
vic: wanna go out 2night?? bring thomas as well
meike: bestie WE are going to this party ill pick u up at 8 loviu bebs
Fuck. I didn't want to go, but at the same time I didn't want to stay alone all night again. My body was so sore after the last days when I stayed in bed all day.
Work was normal, I guess. It was still rainy outside and the weather didn't help my mood at all. I told Vic that Meike will pick me up that night and apparently they knew eachother, probably through Ethan.
'By the way, don't forget about the dresscode!' giggled Vic before I left the shop.
'What dresscode?' I asked raising an eyebrow.
'A blue accessory or piece of clothing for the ladies and a pink one for boys. I know, so cute, right?' she asked and I nodded smiling.
-
'Blue? I don't have blue clothes!' I whined in front of my closet.
'Sorn, give me your pink hat!' yelled Thomas bargining in my roon.
He was coming to the party too. I gave him the hat and he thanked me. He was all smiley and happy, I loved seeing him like this.
I moved my attention to my closet again. That's just stupid. Why couldn't it be black or white dresscode? I hate this.
I threw myself on my bed, sighting. I can't go. I don't have any fucking blue clothes.
'Wait.. Thomas!' I yelled and rushed to my brother's room.
I hope you like it 😋 stay safe 🤍
