08.08.2021
Love. Love is a drug. Adrenaline. Dopamine.
Now that I know that love exists, how do I not love? It would feel shameful and just ignorant. You touched me and it felt as if stars were dancing across my skin.
Last night he saw the real me and didn't step back. He saw the ugliest and horrific parts of me and accepted them. He didn't complain, not a little bit. Is this how love feels like?
unconditionally, Sorn
As I put my pen down, I heard the bell ring. I stood up and started reciting my usual quote.
'Buongiorno, how can I help you to- oh, hi Meike!' I smiled when I saw the familiar face entering the shop.
'Hi, cara. How are you?' she asked coming to hug me.
'How do I explain this? Wanda knows about the-' I said and looked at my belly.
'The fuck? How?' she exclaimed furrowing her eyebrows.
'It was a whole situation, shs told Damiano right before I was supposed to.' I sighted.
'How did he took it?'
'Surprisingly, very good. He didn't even ask about the father.' I bit my nails in frustration.
'Well, we are talking about Damiano here, of course he would have understood you. What are you going to tell him about the father?'
'The truth. No more lies. I'll tell him that I was a reckless 18 year old girl who hooked up with some guy at a party.'
'How much you've changed.. I can't believe it really. The Sorn you were in highschool versus the present Sorn.. two different girls.' she said sounding dreamy.
'Everything just helped me grow up, I guess. Anyway, what are you up to today?' I asked trying to change the subject.
'I'll stay with you, of course, until Vic comes and after her shift we have an official date!' she yelled in excitement.
'I'm so proud of you two!' I said and pulled her into a hug.
'When are you and Damiano going to make it official?'
'We are official, I laughed. It happened like on Saturday I think.'
'Why didn't you tell me?' she faked being hurt.
'I guess I just forgot.' I shrugged laughing.
-
'Sorn! Damiano is at our door, am I supposed to let him in?' whispered Thomas entering my room.
'Of course, I laughed. I told him to come.'
I heard the door unlock and Damiano greeting Thomas. Then, he came in my room, smiling softly.
'How are you?' he asked sitting next to me.
'Better now, I guess.' I said and rested my head on his shoulder.
'You know, we don't have to talk about last night. We could watch a movie or-'
'No, I want to talk. I want you to know everything.' Except for the fact that I knew your ex was cheating before you.
'I'm listening. Take your time.'
He moved around so we could face eachother. I brought my knees to my chest, taking a deep breath.
'First of all, I am sorry I didn't told you before. I was scared- no, I was terrified that you would leave me.'
'I would never-'
'Wait, let me talk because if I don't do it now, I'll chicken out.' I intrerrupted him and he giggled shortly. 'At 18 I was at a pub with Meike and we both got drunk and some guys that were- you know, the usual type of teenage boys that attracted me those days- well, I was reckless and ignorant, I didn't think about it too much. Some weeks later I felt nauseous and Meike suggested to buy a pregnancy test and so I did and it was positive.'
He was watching me as I was talking so fast. He just simply nodded sometimes, making me sure that he was listening. After a short pause, I started talking again.
'Four months later I was coming home with her and the taxi we were in- it- another driver.. he-'
Without saying anything he pulled me into a hug. I tried not to cry because I wanted to at least seem strong. He gave me that strength.
'It's ok. I'm glad you felt comfortable to tell me that.' he whispered.
'Actually, Wanda kinda broke it to you. I was supposed to tell you, but your agency called and of course I chickened out..' I sighed.
'How did she find out?' he asked raising an eyebrow.
'That's my question too.' I pressed my lips into a thin line.
'She's lowkey a psycho so maybe she went and searched in every hospital in Italy for information about you. Who knows?' he shrugged amused.
'I forgot to ask, about that stalker of yours? Is he still around?'
'He isn't or at least I didn't see any black car following me. To he honest I didn't go out so much this week and I was gone the whole weekend so yeah, maybe because of that. Anyways, don't think about it.' he smiled and removed a string of my hair from my face.
I leaned in and kissed his lips. After last night, when I told him those three words for the first time, I felt relieved. Maybe it was something I've been dying to say, but didn't find the courage.
He said it back and we talked about everything, without mentioning the main subject. He made me forgot about the numbness. He made the world stop for a couple of hours and I felt like we were the only people left on this planet.
The moment we shared last night, the two of us, in the bed, in pitched dark in his room while talking about the present and the future- that moment meant everything to me. He was my person, because no one else felt right. No one else made sense.
And I despite everyone saying that time equals relationship durabilty. My parents have been together for 20 years and never loved eachother, not even for a moment. He met me half an year ago and without realising, I fell in love. What a blessing it is to stumble upon a soul that wants nothing but smiles and sunshine for you, without asking for anything in return.
tadaaa 🎉
the PAIN i feel when i know im literally writing about things that i never experienced in my life😭😭
hope u like it stay safe🤍
