Horrifyingly Sexy

Chapter 27

When I got back to my room I couldn't believe my eyes. I finally had all my stuff in my room!! And it was already all put away and organised the way that I usually have it.

I was smiling as I glanced at everything and I realised that my sketchbook wasn't anywhere to be seen. Maybe it was under something. So I began to look, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I really hope nobody looked it in. Maybe I should hide it once I find it. I think that would be a really smart ideas, considering what is inside if it.

I settled for grabbing my journal and a pen instead, " Dear journal, today wasn't as bad as I though it would be. I had to organise Snape's potion cabinet and grade some papers, it took about six hours, but it was nice. Snape wasn't watching over me the whole time and it was really nice to have some alone time. I finally got to think without feeling like someone was listening to my thoughts. And I ended up writing a song that I should probably write down before I forget it, so here it is.

- Paranoid

' I'm seeing myself everywhere

Don't want to go anywhere

I'm not Paranoid!

I see shadows follow me everywhere I go they won't let me be

I'm not Paranoid!

Falling in reverse

I'm seeing the universe

No matter where I walk

I keep going in circles

Following my own footsteps

I'm not Paranoid!

Tripping over my own thoughts

Looking up at the stars like I had to

I'm crying

But no tears are coming

I'm not paranoid

I swear it's not true

Oh what to do
-What to do

I'm not Paranoid!

I'm seeing myself everywhere

Don't want to go anywhere

Anywhere!

I'm not Paranoid!

I see shadows follow me everywhere I go, they won't let me be

I'm not Paranoid!

Falling in reverse

I'm seeing the universe for the first time

I'm not paranoid

I swear

And I couldn't really care

Because whoever I am

Where ever I go

Whatever I am

I'll always be Paranoid!' ( a little A/N this is something that my friend and I wrote 2 years ago.)

I finished writing the song down and I smiled. I still couldn't believe that I had thought about it and how much that it related to how I felt most of the time.

I continued to write in the journal. " Most of the time I feel like life is always out to get me. Like life is going in slow motion and everything is working against me. I feel like j can't do anything right. I am constantly battling with myself about if it's worth being here or not. I mean I don't have anyone who would care if I was gone or not.", I sighed and put the pen down and closed the journal.

" I promised myself that I would get better and not feel this way so I need to stop.", I whispered to myself with closed eyes.

I jumped as I heard Snape's baritone voice, " Stop what?"

" N-nothing sir. I was just th-thinking out loud.", I stammered not knowing that he was listening or that he was even in my room.

" Dumbledore wishes to speak with you in his office. And he said to bring that journal of your too. Hurry up I would like to get some rest before tomorrow.", he grumbled and stalked out of the room and toward the door that lead out of his quarters.

I jumped off the bed and followed him. " At least he isn't walking fast this time.", I thought to myself. Come to think of it, he didn't seem to be as angry as he usually is.. I wonder what is happening.

" That is none of your business Miss Payne!", he snapped.

" I wish I knew how you could always seem to know what I am thinking! My thought are suppose to be private!", I yelled back getting a little mad.

" It's called legilimency. It allows me to read people's minds, and yours is easy to read. If you would stop thinking so loud maybe I wouldn't always know what you were thinking!", he hissed back.

" How do I think loudly? I think like anyone else does!"

" You think a lot louder than they do. I guess I will have to teach you occulmency. Which will waste my time.", he grumbled before saying the password for the gargoyle to move.

" Wouldn't just be a waste of your time sir", I said glaring at his back as we walked up the stairs.

I really hope that Dumbledore won't make Snape stay. I don't think I could take him being around me anymore for the day..