Painkiller (BoyxBoy)

4. Not Yet

Jeremy

"You met someone?" Damon choked, sitting up in his bed as he stared with wide eyes at his friend. He lifted his hands so Jeremy could see his face better through the phone's camera.

"Don't get that look," groaned Jeremy. he frowned at his friend. He could already see the many scenarios and red lines moving across Damon's mind. "I didn't meet meet someone, I just met someone who could be a friend," he explained, emphasizing on the second meet as if to say that what his friend was thinking wasn't what he meant.

But even as he turned to lie on his back and placed his phone flat on his bed so he and his friend could stare at the ceiling together, his mind ventured to the brown-eyed boy with ease. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what he looked like. Long brown hair parted in the middle, soulful brown eyes, full pink lips that always seemed to part when he was deep in thought. Jeremy could already tell he was falling into something but it was too soon to figure that part out. He could deal with it later. Just like other aspects of his life that he had put on the back burner.

He hadn't visited social media in a long time. It hurt to do so. And even after promising to continue with short narrative videos, he hadn't posted any in three weeks. He lacked the motivation and determination he once had. He cared, but not enough to do anything about it. It just hurt and no painkiller could take away the hurt.

Yet, thinking about Shane and the prospect of meeting him again seemed to perk up his dying spirit. Somehow, this doe eyed boy had managed to sneak in a little bit past his defenses and the boy didn't even know it yet. Jeremy chuckled. Even he didn't know what it was about the boy that made him think about him constantly. But he wasn't going to lie, he liked it. He fucking liked it.

"Are you listening to me?" His friend's voice brought him back to reality. Jeremy glanced at the phone that lay next to him and sighed.

"Kinda," he responded half-heartedly. He hadn't heard a word of what his friend said and Damon knew it too, judging by his chuckle.

"You say you don't like him but I can already tell you're thinking about him," he assessed. Jeremy drew in a sharp breath, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

"It's not like that. Not yet."

"Which means it'll get there. Jer..." Damon's voice was soft. Jeremy knew exactly what he was hinting at but it wasn't something he wanted to talk about. Not now. Maybe not ever.

"Damon no, don't go there. I know I'm not ready... I don't even know him like that. It's just a stupid crush."

"Sure?"

He nodded and picked up his phone to view his friend's face so Damon knew he was serious. "I haven't seen him at all this week. Trust me, I'll be over it in a day," he insisted, but mostly to himself. He wasn't sure why he hadn't seen Shane since he started at Angel Falls High. He had almost thought the boy was avoiding him but it couldn't be. They hadn't had a class together since but maybe that was because Jeremy had skipped two or three classes in the week so he had no one to blame but himself. Still, he wondered why he hadn't seen Shane in passing, or why Shane hadn't sought him out.

"If you insist," Damon sighed and smiled at his friend, feeling his pain as they stared at each other. "I'm joining a Minecraft server tomorrow. Do you think you can join, have a laugh or two?"

Jeremy shook his head. "Not yet," he whispered. He wasn't ready. Damon nodded in understanding, something that Jeremy was grateful for. He really appreciated that his friend didn't push when it came to this. But while his friend left the call to play games for the night, Jeremy couldn't stop the tears from falling from his eyes as he listened to his own heartbeat, getting lost in his thoughts and wondering why he was lonely on a Friday night.