Good Grief (TMR fic)

Chapter 5

(don't forget to listen to the song~)

After a surprisingly normal dinner of peas, ham, gravy, and bread rolls, I wander off near the fields by myself to process the crazy day I've had. I stick one of my hands in one of the many pockets of my tan pants. My shirt is a faded olive green t-shirt, tucked into my belt. From what I can tell I'm muscular, like most of the Gladers.

I pull a strand of my hair around to look at it, but I can't really tell what it looks like. Brown, I guess, but is it curly or just wavy?

"Your eyes are brown, too," Thomas says, and I jump slightly. "But they're dark, and your hair has a reddish look in the light. Otherwise, you look pretty normal under the bruises Gally gave you, I guess. You're a teenager like the rest of us."

"Thanks," I say softly. "You are also exceedingly normal."

He chuckles and rolls his eyes. "Mind being more specific?"

"You have a nose, a mouth, two eyes, two ears, and, from what I can tell, two brain cells."

Thomas snorts and shoves me.

"Hey, now! Don't harm another Glader, idiot."

"Says Miss 'I'll just sleep with a knife,'" he teases.

"Fine, I'll be more specific. You have brown hair. It's straight and normal and honestly quite boring. Your eyes are nicer, but still quite average aside from the fact that you constantly look like an adorable puppy."

He gives me even worse puppy eyes than normal. "So I'm adorable?"

"Only when you aren't being an unbearably cheerful optimist."

Thomas pouts theatrically and we both laugh before letting a comfortable silence fall over us.

"Ash?"

"That is my name."

He rolls his eyes. "I was talking to Chuck, and... he told me that there's a Maze out there, and the Runners are the ones who try to find the exit. And... I want to be one, Ash. No, that's not it. I need to be a Runner."

I don't answer at first because my mind is caught on the concept. Runners searching for an escape from the Maze, constantly working routes and planning and hunting for the solution... I understand Thomas perfectly.

I need to be out there.

I need to find the escape.

"Let's do it, then," I say. "Let's figure out what it takes to be a Runner, and work twice as hard as anyone ever has, and let's do it."

He smiles at me, his expression relieved that I didn't condemn his goal. "Thanks, Ash."

"No problem. Thomas, you do realize that this means you need to behave, right? No going against Alby's orders, no picking fights with Gally, and asking fewer questions."

His face falls. "I guess."

"You know I'm right," I tease, heading back towards the Homestead. "If you wanna be a runner, you have to follow the rules, Tommy-boy."

"How are you doing, Greenies?" Newt calls.

"Don't call me that," Thomas whines, and I chuckle.

"Not to be like Thomas and ask questions, but..." I tentatively say.

Newt raises an eyebrow at me.

"Well... what is the Maze, and how can we become Runners?"

Newt sighs. "Both of you are stupid, huh?"

Thomas lifts his chin. "It's what I need to do. I just know it."

"And right now Alby doesn't trust you. If you keep your mouths shut and don't cause trouble, maybe he'll let you learn things about the Maze. But if you keep on like this you'll do nothing but disrupt the order of things, and-"

"The 'order of things' hasn't gotten you out, has it?" Thomas fires back at him.

"But it's kept us alive," a voice growls, and I look up to see Alby standing nearby, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

"Oh, yeah, being locked up is a lovely way to live," I snap.

He fixates on me, glaring and intense.

"Just let us help."

"Sure, you can help. You can help when you understand this place, when you realize what's at stake and I know that you aren't going to get others killed."

I know what he's saying, but I'm still frustrated. I clench my hands into fists. "How can we understand it when you shut us down constantly? Trust goes both ways, and you're leaving us in the dark."

"You think we knew what we were doing? That first day in the Glade we were all as confused as you, confused and terrified, and we didn't have anyone to tell us what was happening."

"Oh," I say, laughing at how backwards his approach is. "Just because you had it rough, you can't be a decent human and make it easier for us."

"What do you think we're shucking doing? We're giving you food, keeping you from panicking, and stopping you from bolting out the Doors when it would have killed you to go into the Maze. We're trying to help."

Alby and I are toe to toe, glaring at each other from inches away. I'm not as angry anymore. I blink, and take a step backwards, nodding grudgingly.

"Okay. But I still want to be a Runner, and I'll work as long and hard as it takes to prove that I belong out there."

"No one wants to be a Runner," Alby snaps, but Newt holds out a hand.

"That's not what she means, Alby. She wants a way out, just like the rest of us. These Greenies are fighters. It's not that they want to risk their lives, endanger themselves or others. It's that they're not afraid of what needs to be done. We need that here."

They stare at each other for a moment, before Alby nods and the tension instantly dissipates.

I'm impressed by the understanding between them. Clearly they've been friends for a long time, and the way they work together... they value each other. Is that how the Glade is supposed to work? Was Newt one of the first ones in the Glade? Was he with Alby when they were all confused and alone?

"Watch yourself, Ash," Alby says, turning to me.

I nod at him and there's a hint of amusement in his eyes. Yelling matches might not be recommended, but I think it helped us understand each other.

"You too, Thomas. It takes time to be a Runner, and if you cause problems we'll never let you be one."