Aaron Flex

What I Want

After the terrible day I've had i decide to go to bed. My mind wants to spiral and kill itself trying to make sense of today but I'm exhausted. I lay down in my bed and stare at the ceiling. That's all I can do. My mind is numb. Nothing going in and nothing coming out. All I can do is just lay there. All the sounds that my house eminates swirl in my brain, jumbling together into one ball of chaos.
I want to call Trip but I can't mentally have that conversation. At this point I don't care. I don't care about anything...I just want to lay here until I die. I don't want to move, I don't want to blink, and I don't want to breath. I just want it to end...I thought that highschool was rough but trying to be an adult is terrible. Trying to make sense of anything is so draining.
I don't even know who I am anymore. In highschool I was "the bad boy" but in real life I don't know. Does anybody really know who they are? I highly doubt it. I don't know how people are happy. How do they make it through each day when the world is constantly throwing bullshit at them? I don't know but there should be a class so I can learn.
I eventually pass out after hours of being a lifeless shell of a person, and for once I'm not afraid.

The next day...

I wake up to my alarm going off, I roll on my said and turn it off. The sun is shining brightly through my window and I can hear the birds chirping. What a beautiful day and I feel like shit. I get up and go to the kitchen where I stare at the cupboards for 15 minutes deciding if I want to eat today. I decide I don't and make my way to the living room.
I turn my TV on when I hear my doorbell go off...I didn't even know I had a doorbell. No one has even used it since I've lived here. I get up and open the door where happy faced James is waiting for me. He hugs me and comes in.

James- "How are you doing?"

Me- "Eh.."

James- "Eh? That's all? You're a single, sober, gay man and you're feeling eh? What is wrong with you?"

Me- "Nothing, just didn't have a good day yesterday."

James sits down on the couch with me.

James- "Really? What happened?"

Me- "Ivan and Trip are fighting over me..."

James- "WHAT?! Trip is gay?"

Me- "He doesn't know exactly what he is but he knows he's into me."

James- "Damn, I'm really missing out on the juicy drama!"

Me- "Don't call it that. I don't even want it to happen. I wish everything was easy. I don't want to choose between them."

James- "Honey, what does your gut tell you?"

Me- "It says Trip but I don't want to hurt Ivan because he was there for me when I got out of the hospital. He literally took care of me."

James- "And that was HIS choice. That shouldn't say how you feel. Just because he was nice doesn't mean you have to marry him."

Me- "I know, I just feel bed you know?"

James- "You need to sit down with both of them and have thisconversation. I'll be there if you want for support, and to keep everything on topic."

Me- "You would do that?"

James- "Of course! We're friends Aaron, and I want the best for you. You've come a long way from when I first met you. You deserve whatever is going to make you happy."