Aaron Flex

Love?

Aaron's point of view

     What is love? Its a notion that one can devote their entire being to someone forever. What they don't tell you is that your brain doesn't understand when you are truly in love. You may go through your entire life believing that you are in love with one person and have someone walk into your life who you would die for.
     I've experienced real love and at a young age. My first love. I would have done anything for him and I did. To the point where I would die to be with him.
     It was Freshmen year of highschool and we were in the same Chemistry class. I remember the fist day of school like it was yesterday. There he was, back row surrounded by all the jocks and cheerleaders. The very guy my father wished I was. His blonde, shaggy hair layed perfectly on his face.
     We didn't talk for the first two months of school but we always made eye contact when the others weren't looking. He would always wink at me and all I could do was try to force the smirk away. He could breathe in my direction and I would swoon.
     I know it must be hard to think that I could swoon for someone but he had my heart and I wasn't fighting it. His name was Lucas, he was the quarterback for our highschool football team. He had recruiters swarming him and he was only a freshmen.
     Our first time talking was when I ended up in detention. Our school has a "reform" program where the goody goodies come into detention and tell us why we should behave and follow the rules. He was assigned to me and we just talked the entire time. Not about reform but about real shit. We talked about our lives, our interests.
     I couldn't help but just stare into those tidal waves of eyes. His smile overtook my brain. His voice flowed through my ears like a symphony. They way he would laugh made my heart skip.
     We continued talking and hanging out but in secret. We would sneak out at 2 in the morning and just stare at the sky. We just talked and laughed and it was the happiest I'd ever been. It made me forget about my house and my dad. He made me see beauty in life again.
     Our first kiss...I swear I can still feel it when I think about it. His lips were so soft and I could feel my heart beat a mile a minute. It was my first kiss, ever. It felt like we were kissing for hours. The feeling is indescribable. At that moment he became my everything.
     Kissing turned into sex and we had sex a lot. We gave our everything to each other and I was his. We made it to our sophomore year keeping our relationship a secret. We would sneak looks at each other in the halls and passed notes in class.
     Everything was amazing, I was happy and I wanted to live. But just as quickly as that happiness came, it all went crashing down. We were in his room "studying" when his father came walking through the door. All I could do was freeze. My body wouldn't move and it felt like my heart had stopped.
     His father grabbed him and ripped him off of me. He started to beat the shit out of me and I could see Lucas struggle to pull him off of me. Out of my already swollen face I see his father elbow him in the face to keep him off of him. Lucas falls to the ground and I manage to get out of his father's arms. I run for my life and don't stop till I see my house. I fall to my knees and break down in tears.         The only thing good in my life is gone.
     I go into school the next day with my face all fucked up. I keep my head down as I see all eyes go to me. The whispers roll around in my head to the point where all I can do is put my earbuds in and try to keep them away.
I get to my class and when the bell rings I see that Lucas isn't there. This only causes my mind to spiral even more. What happened? Did his dad kill him? Did he get sent away? All of my questions are answered when I get a text from him asking to meet at looking hill where we watched the stars.
     I get to the hill and see him just standing there, staring out into the valley. He turns around and his face is black and blue. I run to him and hold him as close as I can. Nothing would have prepared me for what he was about to say.

Lucas- "He'll never let us be together. I dont want to live if I can't be with you"

He holds out a knife.

Lucas- "If we die together we'll be with each other forever."

I didnt know what to say. I stood there for a few minutes trying to understand what he was suggesting. Finally my mind could rationalize it. He wanted us to slit our wrists and die together and I decided to say yes.
     We went to his room and laued down on his bed. We both take our turns. He goes first and my eyes widen as I see the blood seep out. I take my turn and it was more painful then I thought it was going to be. It takes everything in me not to make a noise. It stings. We lay down on the bed and hold each other as the blood soaks our clothes and the bed.
     I feel myself start to pass out when I hear his father scream for the door. He struggles to get his phone out of his pocket as he screams for his wife. I pass out before the ambulance gets there.
     I wake up in a hospital bed with gauze wrapped around my wrists. The doctor walks in and gives me news that made me want to do it all over again. I didn't cut deep enough to bleed out but Lucas had. He bleed out before the ambulance even got there. I felt the blood drain out of my face.
     I ended up in a mental hospital for 6 months after the incident. When I returned to school I was written off as crazy and they had covered up the fact that I was even there with Lucas when he died. This was the exact moment I started doing heroine. It was the only thing that could drain out the pain, the regret, the loneliness.
     Now you can see why I don't fall for people very easily and try to stay away from it. I'm afraid that it'll happen again. I have hope for Jeremy though, he seems to be interested in me. I deserve to love again, even if id already met my soul mate.

To be continued...