Chapter 32

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Smoke. Blood. Upturned furniture. Scorched crops. Rubble.

That was all there was in the Glade. The sun was dead, revealing its artificial ceiling. Stars that I'd taken comfort under, sunsets I admired. All gone. Fake.

Best friend? Dead. Leader? Dead.

I wanted to cry, to let the tears fall, to let the pain show, but there was something holding me back.

Promises.

More and more promises.

"I won't break... I won't scream... You won't die, not today... It's okay... They won't be able to hurt Thomas... Protect them, and be strong... PROTECT VERA, PROMISE ME!"

I. Hate. This. All. I hate promises. I hated the creators. And lastly, I hated those who'd died and made me promise something.

"It's not your fault."

It is. Really, it is. And I wanted nothing more than to just drop to the floor of the Glade, not standing next to Newt and the others, not trying to crack jokes, not saying that I was okay, not comforting Vera, knowing that I'd killed Robbie. Because I was too stupid to move.

"Now, do you believe me?! It's all your fault!" Gally screamed, storming towards us and standing in front of Thomas. He shoved the boy back, making him trip and fall. The others got up and tried to dissuade him, when I heard Thomas gasp. There, from his abdomen, was the stinging end of the griever. That idiot had stung himself. Teresa screamed as he toppled over and fainted on the grass. Dammit, Thomas.

Then, I saw a streak of light brown hair before I was looking at the scorched grass, blood in my mouth.

"What the hell, Harper!" Ren yelled.

"It's obviously Zia! She shucking survived the maze for multiple days in a row. Look at her! Her best friends are all dying one by one, and you're telling me that she's not suspicious?! Why's she alive?! She's always there when they die!" Harper argued angrily.

I got up and felt something strain inside me. I spat blood out of my mouth and glared at her.

"The new girl knows her! She was asking about her when she first came up! The creators came after her, and she survived again!" her rants were really straining me.

"And she dreams memories! I heard her talking in her sleep, and she's part of them! Did you kill that brother of yours too," she shoved her face in mine at the last question. "What are you so sorry about? You killed Cal, didn't you?!"

I stood there, somewhat shocked. I guess I talk a lot in my sleep.

"What's she talking about, Zi?" Newt frowned.

"She didn't tell you? Of course, she never tells us anything because she's a spy! She's not really a friend, she's a sl-"

That was it. She'd done it. I felt and heard something snap inside, and I chuckled. Newt looked at me weirdly. I smirked and looked from the ground, up into Harper's eyes.

"She's psycho!"

I stepped towards her calmly.

"Why are you so scared of me, Harper?" I asked quietly.

"What?" Harper looked taken aback.

"Do you feel like you're worthless when I'm next to you? Do you feel like you need the attention of everyone, and I'm taking it away from you?" At each question, I stepped forward one by one, making Harper back up a little.

"Did I kill my brother? I don't know, Harper, did I? Why don't you tell me, since you know a lot of things?" I snarled. "You're nothing. You're nothing, and you don't deserve to speak. That's the thought within you, isn't it? Maybe it isn't so wrong after all."

I felt dangerously calm. I drew my dagger and planted it gently on her throat. No one dared to move, not even Harper. Her eyes were wide with terror.

"Y-y-you c-can't h-hurt me! I-i-it's the r-rule!" she stammered.

I laughed softly.

"Rule? What rule? Alby's dead, the rule's already been broken at least twice. Tell me, Harper, what rule exists now?"

I slid my hand over the end of the scarf, and tugged on it, exposing my neck for everyone to see. They all gasped except for Newt, Ren, Clint, and Jeff.

"I'm not sick. I don't have any sour breath now, do I? Do you see the bruises? Tell me, what shape is it?" I whispered to Harper.

"Hands," she answered.

"Do you know who put their hands around my throat? Alby. The leader that you put faith in so much, the leader who's dead now, the leader who created these rules. And most importantly, my dead friend," I spat. "I'm alive, and that's all that matters."

I took my dagger away from her throat and walked back silently to the woods. I leaned against a tree, and felt something trying to break free from the wall blocking my memories. I closed my eyes, willing it to come forth.

"I hurt myself, mommy," I watched my younger self approach the woman. I hold up a bloody hand that was scraped from falling.

"Did you cry?" she asked. I shook my head. "Good. Only cowards cry, and you're not a coward, are you?"

"But daddy said that's only for boys," I whimpered. I felt a stinging on my cheek, and found myself looking at a vase towards the left. I felt tears bubble up and let them fall.

"What did I say about crying and talking back?!"

"I-i'm sorry mommy. Please don't hurt me," I sobbed.

"You're not even my daughter, you freak!" she screams and slaps me harder. I hit the floor of our home. The glass vase shatters above my head, and I throw my arm up to protect myself. It enrages her even more. She goes and grabs the poker from near the fireplace, and raises it in the air. She stops just then, hearing footsteps and the door opening.

"Mom, I bought Vanilla Ice cream like you wanted," a boy hollers. He seems to be around 9. Another boy emerge from past him, one of them the same age as me, 4. I recognize the boy who was the same age as me. Cal.

"What happened?" The 9 year old boy asked, and I knew who he was. Jax.

"Nothing, sweetie. Your sister and I were playing tag when she fell, isn't that right?"

I nodded. She helped me up, and then pinched my shoulder. I smiled.

"We were just having fun and then I was being clumsy," I giggled. The boys didn't question it further, and nodded. They then went past us and into the kitchen to put the ice cream in the fridge before it melted. The woman glares at me before walking away after the boys.

I hold back a sob and collapse in the middle of the mess. I reach out for the piece of glass and look into my reflection. My eyes are teary, and my face is getting bruised. I smile and nearly freak out by how real it looked.

I gasp for air, settling my heartrate down. Seems like life was hell for me, before, during, and after the maze.

I heard movement behind me, and I huffed, not looking at the source.

"Go away," I snapped.

The movements increased.

"I'm fine, okay? I'm fine, so just go," I croaked.

There were even more rustling, and a twig snapped. Finally, I whirled around to yell at whoever it was, when I realized with horror who it was.

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