no one else. // Theodore Nott

ten.

Sadie Myers.

I went to the window seat. A place I knew where I would still feel him. 

As I sat down and pushed open the window, I traced my lips with my fingers, trailing them down my neck where he had kissed. 

The adrenaline was what made me kiss him back and go even deeper. Or at least that's what I kept telling myself. Theo's hands on my hips and pushing me against the wall had my blood racing through my body at a much faster speed than it normally would be. 

But that's completely wrong. 

I liked Theo but I just wouldn't admit it to myself. And I still wasn't going to. 

My bag was still in the common room and on the couch. I didn't plan on going back until dinner when it would be empty. I wasn't even going to go to dinner. I knew that if I saw his eyes, if they connected, then I would want to pull him into me and kiss him again. 

I rested my head back and onto the wall, silently yelling at myself for pushing Theo away. 

The reason that I'm not close to many people is because I already have so much to lose and I've lost way too much. To me, the littlest things feel like a lot. My father was the first thing that I had lost and right there, I knew that would ruin me and it did. 

Since then, the only people I've let in is Ross and that's it. I don't even have my mother, the drugs do. I have my grandma but she doesn't care. Then there's Ross, the only one who I've ever opened up to and the only one that I will. 

I won't let anyone fully in, I can't. Once I let them in, it's all over. 

I grabbed my wand and conjured up some parchment and a muggle pen. I then started to write as I wiped the tears that I tried so hard not to let fall. 

Dear Ross, 

I miss you. I miss staying at the café late with you. I wish time would fly by faster so that I could come back. 

How's everything at the café going? I hope you're not getting the regulars orders wrong. Is it still as busy as it usually is? Did you find a replacement for me? Sorry for asking all of these questions but I'm just curious.

There's this boy too... I know, I never talk to you about these things but I don't know who else to talk to about them. He's a mystery and I want to solve it. But I'm scared. To solve it, I'll have to let him in and I don't know if I can do that. What happens if I let him in and he leaves? I wouldn't be able to handle it. What should I do? 

I miss you and love you, see you soon. 

Sincerely, Sadie.

I folded the letter and sighed. The first thing I was going to do tomorrow was sent it out. I had to wake up early to do so, but it'll be worth it. Ross always gives the best advice. 

I just hope I can hold on until then. 

***

I had delivered the letter and now I was making my way to transfiguration class, Astoria next to me with a smile on her face, saying something about the party this upcoming Friday. 

"Oh!" Astoria jumped, pulling me out of the way right as we were about to walk into class "Theo and I are switching seats. I want to sit next to Draco and Theo said that he was fine with sitting next to you. I hope that's okay." 

Great. 

"Yeah, that's fine," I said, following her into class as she smiled. 

It was going to be okay. It was going to be fine. Theo never showed up to this class so I wouldn't have to worry about seeing him every day, or even today. 

I sat down and pulled out my books and parchment, using a muggle pen instead of a feather because it was just easier. The class had started and Theo still hadn't shown up yet. I was jotting down notes and listening, that was until the door to the class opened. 

My head turned and watched as Theo walked in, his bag hanging on his shoulder as he stopped and looked at McGonagall. 

"You're late Mr. Nott." She said, pausing her lesson. 

He looked at me and smirked "Sorry professor. Lost track of time." 

"Well take your seat. I'd like to continue." And McGonagall continued and Theo walked over to me, his eyes never straying from mine as he set his bag down and sat in the chair. 

I looked away and ignored him as best as I could. No matter how hard I tried, I could still feel his eyes on me. He was waiting for me to react and I knew it. But I knew better than to give in to what he wanted... Even though I wanted to so bad. 

I was so ready for class to get over so that I could go back to my dorm. That's all I wanted. Until he grabbed my notes and pen, flipping over the paper and writing on it. He handed it back to me and I read the note. 

Why did you leave yesterday?

I sighed and took the pen from him, writing back. 

Because I didn't want to go any further with you. 

I lied and handed it back to him and he smirked as he wrote again. 

Are you sure about that?

100%

Then you wouldn't mind coming to my dorm to study after class?

I looked up at him and he had hopeful eyes. I knew what would happen if I went over. If he was to lean in and kiss me, I wouldn't push him away. I'd pull him closer and closer. Maybe I did want that to happen. 

The bell rang and everyone stood up, starting to pack up their things and leave. 

"What do you say, Myers? We'll just be studying," he asked. 

"Fine." I sighed and started to pack up my things. 

***

He opened his door and tossed his bag onto his bed, sitting next to it and pulling out his textbook. I sat at his desk, making as much distance as I could. I spread my books across his desk and we both started to study, him asking questions as I helped answer. 

After about an hour, I started to chew on the tip of my pen, stuck on one paragraph and not sure which parts to highlight and write about. I wanted to ask Theo for help, but I didn't want to go near him and I didn't want him to be next to me. But I needed to get this done. 

I got up and sat next to him. He was in the middle of his bed, a textbook on his lap. He looked at me as I leaned over, close enough to smell his cologne. 

"What parts do I highlight? I'm a little lost." I bit my lip, looking at him as he leaned closer, his hand brushing against mine as his finger danced across the words. 

He spoke, but I didn't hear anything, focused on his lips and wanting to taste them, feel them just one more time. The high that I had gotten, from just his lips, was unreal and I wanted to feel it again. Call me selfish, but it was all I wanted at this moment. He was all I wanted. 

"Myers, did you get that?" He asked, looking into my eyes with his face awfully close to mine.

"Not at all," I whispered and leaned in, kissing his lips just slightly, waiting for him to push me away. 

I pulled away, my eyes closed and waiting for him to speak... Until he slammed his lips right back onto mine.