no one else. // Theodore Nott

five.

Sadie Myers.

His eyes. They were staring back into mine with no emotion. No matter how hard I tried to look, search... I couldn't find what he was feeling. 

He sat so casually as dinner continued and our eyes stayed locked. He didn't care that I was looking at him because he was looking back. Normally he would comment something smart about his looks or me wanting to get into his bed, but he just looked at me. No smirk, or smile, or the glint that was usually in his eyes. Nothing. 

My eyes glanced down to his wrist. There wasn't a bruise anymore. When I looked back up, he was looking away and in conversation with Draco about Quidditch. I sighed and turned back to my food, picking at it because I wasn't hungry. 

I started to wonder about my father when he would send his letter if he would send his letter. I knew that he would. It was the only way that he chose to stay in contact with me. No matter how much it hurt for him to not be more in my life, this was better than nothing. 

I breathed in and out, deeply, hoping to fight back the lump in my throat that indicated I was going to cry. I didn't want to cry. I never cried over my father. He wasn't worth my tears. Neither was my mother. 

But here I was, fighting back tears that didn't deserve to be shed. 

"Sadie, you okay?" Astoria whispered from next to me, her hand going to my back. 

I looked up at her and felt the tear slip. Quickly, I brought my hand up and wiped it away. I wasn't going to cry. 

"I'm fine. Thanks for your concern." I pushed my plate away and felt his eyes on me but I didn't look at him. 

I stood up and made my way outside of the great hall. I needed my time.  

I walked down corridor after corridor, clearing my head from any thought. What I found out was that was impossible. The more that I held and bottled up my feelings, the harder it was to keep them contained. I felt like I was going to overflow with all of the things hidden in my mind. 

My mind was like a water bottle. I was filling it with water and it was now full, water sprinkling over the edge because it couldn't hold anymore. 

The tears fell as more thoughts flooded. 

What made my father fall out of love with my mother? Why didn't he love me enough to stay? Why didn't he try? Why did my mother seem to love the drugs more than me? Why did she spend her time on other things and not her daughter? What did I not have? Why wasn't I good enough? 

I fell over and into the wall, sliding down it and connecting my butt with the floor. I brought my knees to my chest and let my head fall as the tears did the same. 

There was no way in getting the water to stop overflowing now. 

So many things that I didn't even remember blocking away came to the surface. 

The bullying I got my first year when my mother dropped me off at the train station. Some Slytherin's made fun of me for how dead she looked. She was really just high off her ass. I remember that Theo was the one to tell all of them to shut it. He was a first year too but he didn't care. 

So many things coming from the bottom of the sea and to the top to enjoy the sun. 

I looked up, not wanting to think about it anymore, knowing that I've cried enough and that I needed to just breathe. 

I didn't know where I was. I was in a part of the castle that I had never been in before. I stood, wiping my tears and looking around the empty corridor. Even the picture frames were empty. 

I wiped my eyes and walked a little more. There weren't many windows, only a few. Torches lit up the hall and at the very end, sat a window seat. I smiled and walked further. 

I pushed open the window before I sat down and the fresh September breeze flew in, blowing my hair out of my face. 

I sat down and looked out at Hogwarts. The trees in the forbidden forest danced with the howls of the wolves as the clouds blew away from the moon, letting the light shine down and illuminate all of the lands. 

It had been a week since I last saw my mother and I couldn't help but wonder if she was actually trying to get better or not. 

"You stole my place" His voice boomed through the corridor due to the echo and I jumped, quickly turning and looking at him, my hand going to my chest. 

"Nott," I breathed "You scared me" I let go of my chest and started to play with the hem of my skirt. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, taking a seat from across me and pulling out a joint. 

I furrowed my brows "Sitting"

He chuckled deeply and then lit the joint, inhaling the smoke and leaning back, looking out at the sky. 

It was quiet. Except for the howls of the wolves and the rustle of the trees in the wind. The silence was nice. For what felt like the first time, in forever, we were civil. He wasn't being an ass or ignoring me. He wasn't asking questions that I couldn't answer and he wasn't egging me on. 

I looked at him. He kept hitting the joint, inhaling and exhaling, the smoke blowing off and into the distance. 

The way that his lips parted as the smoke left, the way his eyes started to gloss over, the blue seeming to be brighter than they normally were. I watched the joint in between his fingers as he brought it to his lips. 

"If you wanted a hit, you could've asked" he smiled, handing me the joint. 

I stared at it. I had never smoked before, nor drank. I was the mom of the group. The person who took care of their friends when they were fucked and couldn't think straight. 

I took the joint in between my fingers and inhaled lightly, scared to make a fool out of myself. Theo watched as the intoxicating smoke left my lips, his eyes never straying from them. 

I handed the joint back and breathed heavily. My body started to feel light and heavy. I felt like there was a buzzing sensation all around and I felt my eyes droop lightly. My heart started to race as Theo's eyes met mine. 

There was something there that had never been there before. I wish that I could tell what was happening and what I was feeling. I knew that I was just intoxicated and that this feeling was a joke. This connection was a lie. 

"I'm going to go," I said, standing and finding my balance. 

I really didn't think that I could make it back to my dorm by myself. Luckily, Theo knew that. 

"Myers," I turned and looked at him "I'm not letting you walk alone. No matter how much I despise you, I won't leave you alone while intoxicated for the first time" He took the last hit and then threw the joint out of the window. 

I nodded and then followed him. 

Once again, there was a silence. That's all that ever seemed to occur when Theo and I were alone -- when he wasn't bothering me-- silence.