I Kissed a Boy

14

I was amazed and all I could was just stare at my wall. Just a day away from the fancy party but know I don't even know if I should go. Mitsuki spoke with me for hours but all I could do was simple ok and a mjm. That's all. I am still broken with what she has done and she did confirm to me that she did get married. That hurts even more but she dodged as much as she could not to say why she blocked everyone over here. I sighed out and all I could do was just grip my hair strongly. She wouldn't even tell me why she blocked us? She barely even asked if I am ok.

All she did was talk of herself and her husband. But the conversation went into a different turn with a certain question.

"So... Julian and you? Are you guys dating?" Her voice sounded so annoyed

"Yeah... We're engaged... Not official yet..." I commented calmly as I looked at the closet

"I... I thought you hated him... Why are you all of a sudden getting married?" She is starting to sound pissed off

Confused I am so I explained gently "We started hanging out again and... He remembers for some reason the promise he made when we were little so he wanted to try a relationship before an official engagement"

"So... Do you love him?" She asked I could hear the annoyance in her tone

I touched my chest and I looked down as I asked in return "Why do you ask?"

Before she could even answer some guy's voice is heard in the background and she hangs up. I clenched my jaw at the way she did things. What is wrong with her?

My heart twists and turns to that certain conversation. I lied to her. I always tell her everything. Everything. But the way she acted. The way she spoke. The way she sounded. My mind went into overdrive and just lied smoothly. My heart didn't hurt at that moment but the way she spoke of her new found things and future hurts. She dodged every question but had asked about Julian and I. How did she find out about that? Is there someone still here that talks to her? Whoever it is I hope he or she is happy. It was so hard to speak with her. So hard to even listen to her clearly. My mind even made me lie so smoothly. I will never understand this new side of her.

I looked at my phone as it had three missed calls from Julian. 'Shit!' Was I so deep in my mind that I didn't notice the person calling me. I placed my phone in vibration being that I just don't know if I can answer Mitsuki again. In some odd way I want to talk to her and tell her everything that has happened. But she wouldn't even let me speak to her at all. Well I was also in shock when she called. So maybe that was a huge factor in the conversation.

I grabbed my phone again but I heard knocking at the front door. Who could it be? Did mom forget something? She it is midday. Maybe she forgot her lunch. I stood from my bed and grabbed a pair of pants. I headed to the front door to unlock it at least. The moment I opened it there stood Julian and that rich whore. Jealousy had come forth and I just crossed my arms as I stared at Julian. He looks worried and so I looked at him to spit out what he has to say.

I thought he would leave me alone for these remaining days so I can get ready for the party. It's only three days away basically. I sighed out and just glanced at the whore who have a smug smile on her.

"Gwen... I am here to tell you... That we are over" he said it so scripted

I raised an eyebrow and spoke "You called me three times and your here in person just to tell me this?"

Savanna looks completely confused and Julian looks broken with my reaction but she had spoken "Your supposed to cry? I am taking your man!"

"Look... My man? He can do whatever he wants... He is a man... He can chose who to date... He can chose who to fuck... He can chose who to LOVE! So if he doesn't love me anymore what am I to protest... We were giving our hearts a chance but if it didn't work out it didn't work out..." I explained heartlessly

She looks pretty angry and she hugs his arm while saying "So if I do this you won't complain?"

She had kissed him and I felt my heart drop but I kept my composure and I say heartless "The only complaint I have is... You are stinking my home of purely with your skank ass pussy..."

She had stopped kissing him as she looked pretty mad "Gwen!"

My heart kept snapping as I looked at Julian surprised but I say coldly "Just go already... I will send you all the shit you gave me..."

"Keep it... Why would I need it?" He asked annoyed

"Why would I need it?" I basically say pissed of

He looks surprised at the way I had spoken. He started looking pretty pissed of and all I wanted was to slam the door in their face. My heart is hurting me so fucking much. All that comes out of my mouth is insults. I should have never helped him. This was a fucking trick just so he could get this skank jealous. All he did was fucking lie to me. I hate him. I will rip all emotions out before he could break me worse than what Mitsuki did.

Savanna releases her hold on Julian only to hold his hand. I wanted so badly to stare at their hands and just chop them off but I won't do it. She wants me to cry. She wants me to beg Julian. But she won't get any of that. If I remember correctly this would be a second time he has broken me. But not anymore. He has ruined any bonds of us returning together.

"Is there anything else?" I asked them as I held the door knob

"No..." She was the one who answered

"Ok then..." I smiled widely and I say "Good Bye... Don't come back..."

So I slam the door in their face and I hear Julian call out my name. Another cord snapped in my heart. Leave. Leave already. Julian saw me cry once and I won't let him see me cry again. Savanna convinced him to leave and so I just looked through the peep whole. Everything went so slow motion as I saw him walk to him car. Savanna basically running to his car. A giant smile on her face. Julian looked really serious. I wanted to run outside and hug him from behind. My heart had felt something again. I clutched my shirt tightly as I saw how he had gotten in his car and drove away.

I clenched my jaw as I squinted my eyes. The image of him walking away from me hurts so much. My eyes started to water and so I locked the door. Rushed to my room and made sure the curtains were closed. I need music. I need cold water. My face feels hot. My heart hearts. It hurts so much. His gone. I did what I should have never done. I tore my own heart out just to push him away. What we had is fake. I am not giving them the satisfaction of seeing me suffer. I grabbed my speaker and put the volume high up.

I searched for Avril Lavigne I need her music right now. I want to forget what has happened. Cold water always makes me forget and makes me go into my own imagination. It hurts so much. It hurts even worse when Mitsuki had left me. It hurts worse and I never expected this kind of pain. I just can't believe this. I feel like dying right now. Is this what my mom told me once? Is this how a heart attack also starts also? 

Why does it hurt so much?