hatred | miniminter

21

i wake up feeling groggy, a sore head instantly approaching. the space beside me is empty, something it never usually is anymore and i find myself curling up into a ball to try escape the hangover, but also try create the warmth i would usually be feeling when i awake laid next to simon. his words last night replay in my mind, still trying to come to terms with what he admitted to me. reaching for my phone, i glance at the time. 12:58pm. i scroll through the many notifications on my phone, replying to all the birthday messages and reposting peoples stories on my own to say thank you.

i pick out the best photo of simon, josh and i from last night, posting it to instagram, 'we're basically birthday triplets'. i glance at my head resting into simon's arm, letting out a sigh as i quickly swipe away the photo and decide to look at twitter, attempting to turn my attention away from thinking about simon.

'@edenharris: hungover birthday stream today?'

i tweet out, awaiting the response, but i know in the back of my mind it is something that people want to see.

a majority of the day, i slowly got ready to stream, attempted to eat which definitely didn't agree with me and live off painkillers to try get rid of the pulsating headache. i sit in my chair, pulling my headphones over my head as i prepare to stream, instantly regretting my choice.

"hello," i smile, glancing at the chat, "how are we all today?" nodding my head, my eyes flicker through the messages coming in. "well, i feel absolutely awful," i giggle, "i drank way too much." i press a hand against my head.

'happy birthday eden!'
'happy bday x'
'did you have a good night?'

"aw thanks for the birthday messages by the way! and yeah, i had a good night," i nod awkwardly, my mind wandering back to simon's confession, "definitely feeling it though." i glance back at the chat again.

'that photo u posted on ig, u cant tell me there's nothing going on with you and simon'
'guys stop talking about simon'
'you and simon are sus'

"more comments about simon," i raise my eyebrows, shaking my head, "there's nothing going on!" i raise my voice, laughing. you lot are mad."

i continue to talk to the chat, play a couple of random games and keep myself company on my own birthday, which comes across as sad. but whilst hungover, it's actually quite enjoyable.

'simon just posted a reddit video and he talks about the video you did with him'

"simon's posted a reddit video," i read, "should i watch it on stream?" i giggle, the chat instantly filling with 'yes'. "okay, okay. hang on then." i pull up the video, throwing my body backwards into my chair. i don't really pay much attention to what he's talking about, my focus mainly remains on his face, glancing at his blue eyes as he explains he hasn't done one of these videos in around a month.

"god, they're all about eden." he scrolls through his reddit, "you guys really loved the video we did." he chuckles, i find myself unintentionally smiling at the screen which i quickly remove when i come to the realisation i'm watching this on stream. "look at the way they stare at each other, you can't tell me there's nothing going on." he reads out, looking at a screenshot taken from the video of simon and i gazing at one another, so obvious that there is something going on. "nah," he shakes his head looking at the camera, "there's nothing going on." he laughs, looking back at his monitor as he stares at it for a moment, "yeah. nothing."

"see, even simon confirms!" i look to my camera, glancing at the chat.

'look at the way she's watching him'

"you guys reach too much, i'm just trying to watch a video!" i shake my head, pressing play again.

"oh look, another one about eden." he taunts, "jj is definitely stirring the pot, they're hiding something." he rolls his eyes, "nothing to hide." he shakes his head, scrolling to another post. "can we all say happy birthday to big josher," he reads out, "yes we can! today is josh's birthday, so happy birthday lad." he laughs, "but by the time you're watching this, it'll be eden's birthday, but fuck saying happy birthday to her." he smirks at the camera, knowing what he's doing. i roll my eyes, sitting up slightly.

"such a dickhead," i mumble, squinting my eyes as i look at the chat.

'miniminter: watching my video are we'

"fucking hell guys, he's back!" i breathe in deeply, my eyes flicker between the chat and his video, intently staring at his face without even realising it. the video comes to an end, throwing myself back into the chair, my mind racing as i can't seem to get him out of my mind. "well, it's been fun chatting. thank you for all the birthday messages! but i'll be off." i smile, waving to the camera, ending the stream.

pulling the headphones from my head, i slam them down into the desk and throw my head into my hands, trying to think about what to do. i stand up, slumping my body onto my bed as i flick through the contacts on my phone, instantly pressing ethan's. it rings for a couple of seconds.

"hello?" he answers.

"hi." i sigh.

"what's up, you alright?"

"i don't know." i mumble, putting the phone on speaker as i turn to lay on my side.

"talk to me." he hum's, "is it simon?"

"erm," i bite the inside of my cheek, "yeah. it is."

"go on."

"well, last night." i take in a deep breath, "last night he told me he liked me and said he acts the way he does because he thinks i'm too out of his league and he thought sleeping together would be his way of being close to me, but he just caught feelings and i don't know how to feel about it."

"oh shit!" he exclaims, "did he apologise?"

"yeah, he did. he said he's sorry for everything, but i mean it's not really the point."

"no, no i know it isn't, but it's something. he obviously seems to care about you, minter doesn't deal with his feelings well." he exhales.

"yeah, i can tell. he just said the more he's gotten to know me and that he's caught feelings."

"you guys are actually really alike, you just don't really see it." the line falls silent for a moment as i try to think, "do you like him?" he asks.

"i - i don't know. maybe. i feel something, but then i think about how much he treated me like shit." i utter.

"you guys need to talk." he suggests.

"yeah, maybe." i sigh, "i'm gonna go anyways. thanks ethan."

"alright eden, bye." i end the call, curling my body up into a ball on my bed.

i lay for a good hour or so, trying to make myself fall asleep. but i feel completely restless, can't get comfy, can't seem to turn my brain off even just for a minute. dragging my feet from the bed, i grab a pair of trainers and pull them onto my feet and throw a jacket over my body. i sigh, glancing at my exhausted appearance in the mirror which my makeup failed to cover up. swiftly leaving my building, i walk in the direction of simon and jj's flat, knowing i can't leave the conversation simon and i need to have any longer.

i knock lightly on the door, folding my arms as i try listen out for footsteps. the door opens, being greeted by jj, "oh shit, eden. hi." he smiles, allowing me to walk in.

"hi." i smile, glancing around at the flat which is still messy after last night.

"you alright?" he asks, clearly noticing i'm distressed.

"erm," i play with the ends of my hair, "yeah." i nod unconfidently.

"simon's streaming, i'm sure he'll be done soon though. but i'm gonna head back to bed, i'm so hungover." he giggles, "make yourself at home." he gestures to the mess, laughing.

"oh right okay and yeah, i don't feel too great either." i giggle, watching him trudge back to his bedroom. i take in a deep breath, walking down the corridor and stand in the doorway of simon's office, waiting for him to notice me.

"oh shit, hi." i startle him, noticing his face light up as he gazes at me. "you alright?" i shrug my shoulders in response, not wanting to talk. "i'll be done soon." he offers me a sympathetic smile, turning his focus back to his stream. i drag my feet so his bedroom, nervously awaiting our conversation.