Slipping Through My Fingers

Chapter Twelve

Chapter 12

Nate's POV -

Lisa Ramsey.

It was kindergarten when I first met her. She had blonde hair, blue eyes and a radiating smile. I had a crush on her for the whole year until I finally asked her to be my girlfriend and she said no.

Lisa Ramsey. That was the very first girl that I had developed feelings for.

Even though I was only in kindergarten, it did feel pretty horrible to be shot down by the very first girl that captured your eyes. I never thought that I'd be capable of developing feelings. Hell, I thought it was just an overrated feeling that chicks would cry about in movies or books. Even though Chris told me he was in love, I never actually believed him.

Rosalie Turner.

It was her now. I don't know when it started or if it was there the whole time but that girl was something else. She was so strong and full of life that it kind of made me feel proud to know someone like her. When I thought I'd never develop feelings, I actually meant it.

I sincerely thought that I would never meet someone who would actually make me think about them constantly or do things for them rather than myself. Rosalie Turner kind of changed my whole perception on that. Yes, I have finally developed feelings. How strong were they? I would never know. All I knew was that I liked this girl. And it wasn't the same kind of like that I had for Lisa Ramsey. No, it was completely different. It was... mature.

My phone started ringing, cutting off my girly thoughts and brought my attention back to reality.

"I'm sorry but you have the wrong number." I automatically answered without looking at the ID.

"Oh, well I'm terribly sorry for my mistake. I apologise for bothering you." It was that timid voice.

"Wait, no! Rose, I was kidding. It's me." I chuckled.

The line went silent for a few moments before she answered.

"Oh!" She laughed. "Well, hi me!"

I rolled my eyes and could just picture her smile over the phone.

"It's Nate." I replied.

"Of course it is." And now I could picture her rolling her eyes.

"So, what's up?" I asked.

"Just wanted to let you know I won't be coming to school tomorrow." She replied.

Well then shit. Tomorrow would be a long day then.

"Why not?" I tried to make my tone seem bored, like I really didn't give a shit.

I surely wasn't going to act needy and clingy, demanding to know where her location would be. So, I just did what I do best, I acted cold.

"Adam has the day off so we're taking the boys to school and then he's taking me to what he says is a 'great shop with everything'. I need to buy new clothes for the boys." She told me.

"It is an awesome shop! Who's on the phone with you anyway?!" I heard a male voice yell in the background.

I assumed it was Adam. Who else did Rose associate with?

"It's no one!" She yelled back.

No one? I was no one? Why couldn't she just tell him that it was me who was on the phone then? I couldn't decide on whether or not she was embarrassed telling him it was me or she just never bothered to mention my existence to him, but either way, it sort of struck a nerve and I was kind of pissed. Even if I shouldn't have been pissed.

"Anyway, ignore him; he's kind of an idiot." Rose told me, laughing. "So, what are you doing?" She asked in a conversational tone.

"Nothing. I have to go." I replied drily.

Yeah, I felt like a complete douche bag. But I was pissed and didn't really give a crap.

"Nate, is everything okay?" She asked worriedly.

"Everything's perfectly fine. Clear as day. Bye." I rushed and hung up before she could ask anything more.

Is that what happened when you started to like someone? Even the littlest things could be hurtful?

Well, if that's how it was, then I had to get rid of my feelings as soon as possible before I turned into a whipped bastard.

My phone started ringing and I looked at the caller ID, noticing that it was Rose who was calling me. I rolled my eyes and let the phone ring until finally the annoying sound stopped.

My ringtone went off again and this time, it was Chris who was calling.

"Hey douche, what's up?" I answered.

"You're just so charming, you know that?" It was Cam.

"Oh, hey Cam. What's wrong?" I said, feeling bored.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? You honestly have the audacity to ask me that question. No Nate! That's not the f*cking question you should be asking me!" She yelled angrily.

God, this was the reason why I hated girls. They had their monthlies and when they had their monthlies, I could never get peace. Both Cam and Chloe went crazy when they had their periods, their hormones were practically out of whack and they'd both end up fighting with someone.

"So, what's the question I should be asking you?" I asked hesitantly.

"What's right?!" She all but yelled.

"Um, okay? What's right, Cam?" I asked slowly again.

"Nothing! Nothing is right! Your best friend is an asshole, my sister is a bitch, your almost girlfriend doesn't know how to text so she's boring and Asher is just... ugh! Do you know what he said to me this morning? Do you?!" She screamed, waiting for me to reply.

I kind of felt scared. These kind of calls, I would be murdered if I ever hung up. I did it once when she was having a mental breakdown and the next day she kicked me. Hard. In the balls. Yeah, it hurt and I had surely made a mental note out of it.

Don't ever hang up on Cam when she's pmsing.

"No, I don't know. What did he say?" I asked cautiously.

"He asked me to move off the couch! Oh God Nate, you're so lucky you weren't there!" Cam screeched.

I rolled my eyes and moved the phone away from my ear a little, becoming aware that I may need my hearing for a few extra years.

"Hey Cam?"

"What?!" She yelled.

"Shut the f*ck up." And with that, I hung up.

I don't care how hard the kick was last time, nothing was worth this pain. If she was going to kill me, I'd take it. I just didn't want to have to sit and hear her annoying voice for the next couple of hours. Yep, that's how long the phone calls last. Two hours. Two hours of Cam yelling and screaming and complaining. Every guy's dream.

I threw my phone onto the bean bag and stood up, stretching.

"Hey bitch, food's ready." I heard my dad's voice through the intercom.

Yeah, my dad calls me bitch. You can find that people have some unusual pet names for me.

I ran down the stairs, forgetting everything but putting the delicious food that my mum makes into my digestive system.

***

I ended up skipping half the day of school the next day. The reason? Chris found out that Cam had stolen a knife from the home ec kitchen and had planned on killing me. No thanks, but I wanna live a few more years.

So instead, I went to the gym. I know most of the guys that work there so I was pretty occupied over there. I ended up staying there until an hour after school was over until my mum called me and asked me to get a few grocery items for her.

"So what did you want again?" I asked for the millionth time as I walked through the aisles at a random supermarket.

"Cheese, milk, coffee, flour and sesame oil. Jeez Nate, it's not hard to remember five items." She complained.

And so I hung up. I noticed that I had a thing for randomly hanging up on people. I just couldn't be bothered to do things over the phone. Like I was supposed to work on the history assignment with Rose over the phone yesterday but since she got me pissed, I didn't bother.

As I was walking through the aisles, I spotted Rose standing a few meters away from me, examining the price of something while frowning. She looked really cute like that.

I quickly turned so she wouldn't notice me but just as I thought I was off the hook, I heard her call my name.

"Hey," I told her in an emotionless expression.

She frowned at me but shook her head quickly and replaced it with a beaming smile.

"Hi Nate. How are you?" She seemed strangely enthusiastic.

"Fine." I muttered dryly.

She frowned again and took in a deep breathe.

"Aren't you going to ask me how I am?" She asked.

"I would, but then I realised that I really don't care." I shrugged.

She stayed quiet for a few moments, examining my face before finally speaking.

"So you're in that mood." She commented and started walking away.

That got me curious. What mood was she talking about?

"Wait, Rose. What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Oh, so you're feeling talkative now? See Nate, I don't understand you. At all. One moment you're tolerable and you are fun to hang around with and then it's like some evil twin kicks in within you and you turn into some cold, cruel jerk that I can't stand to be around. So when the good Nate comes back, let me know." And she stalked off.

Okay, I see that she was right. And if I jumped into her perspective for a while I'd understand why she would be pissed off. She didn't realise that I was actually hurt from what she told me so I could kind of understand.

I scolded myself and cussed under my breath, and started running off in her direction.

"Rose!" I yelled, trying to get her attention.

"What?!" She answered angrily.

I took a deep breath until I was feeling calm.

"How are you?" I asked.

"What?" She asked in exasperation.

"You asked me if I was going to ask how you were. So here I am asking you. How are you? Good, bad, angry, nostalgic?" I asked her.

She looked down on the floor and I could tell that she was fighting a smile. It was kind of amusing to watch actually, seeing her have a battle with herself. Finally, she smiled up at me and breathed in deeply.

"I'm good."

I nodded my head, fighting a smile myself.

"That's good." And like Rose did, I lost the smiling battle too. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Well Adam is spending two nights in Vermont for a wedding that's happening and my brothers are on a fieldtrip so they won't be back until tomorrow morning." She told me.

For some reason, every time she mentioned Adam, I felt some sort of rush go through me. I hated the guy, yeah, but what the hell were those feelings for?

"How'd you manage to afford sending your brothers on a fieldtrip?" I scoffed.

Her lips went into a thin line as she narrowed her eyes. I watched as her eyes examined the floor and they started to get watery.

"You don't like it when I mention that you're poor?" I asked lazily.

Her lips quivered and that was enough for a mental slap in the face; making me realise that she was sensitive about that topic. Yeah, I know, I'm a douche.

"Alright, stop with the tears, I'll stop teasing you." I laughed, trying to make the mood seem light again.

I heard her intake a deep breath before she lifted her head up to meet my eyes.

"What on Earth happened to you to make you so deranged?" She asked; truly curious.

"Speak human, Rose. What's deranged?" I asked with a smirk.

"Do you honestly have no emotions? I'm seriously curious; do you have a dark past or something?" She frowned.

When I frowned at her, she continued speaking.

"Did something happen to you as a child? I have never met a self-conceited jerk like you before. I thought that all humans had some sort of emotions but I guess you're an exception." One tear leaked down her soft cheek and she angrily wiped it away.

"Woah, Woah. Why so touchy?" I asked her, feeling anger bubble up inside of me.

"Nate, I'll speak to you when you aren't angry." She murmured and walked into another aisle.

***

I was sick of it. Both figuratively and literally. I mean, for years now I built up some rep for no reason. I was never trying to impress anyone. I wasn't scared of anyone. But soon, who I was pretending to be sort of turned into my true personality. Sure, I did have emotions. I wouldn't have feelings for her if I didn't have any emotions.

But how I managed to be somehow so cruel, I wouldn't know. She was living in a lifestyle that I could never imagine. She was abused as a child. She raised three boys. Hell, my mum couldn't even raise her three sons. She was so incredibly amazing. And me? I was a bastard. An asshole. A sick son of a bitch. And why? Because a few years ago, I felt like I needed to build some sort of rep.

I paid for the groceries after calling my mum again and asking her what she wanted. My conversation with Rose amusingly made me forget what my mum wanted. And yeah, I copped a tell off from her again where I just hung up.

I went into my car, and turned it on quickly, waiting for the car to heat up. And then, it happened.

All the lights went out. My car stayed on, it run by batteries but every light in sight had gone off. It was a cool sight too. In the middle of Brooklyn and the lights go off.

I didn't know if it was safe to drive back home or not but to be honest, I didn't care. I just wanted to go to the gym in my house and work out until I dropped because I was pretty pissed at myself for what I did to Rose.

Maybe I should go to her apartment or something. After all, she did only live a few minutes away and she was home alone. And then it hit me.

Rose was home alone in her apartment when the lights were off. If I remembered clearly, she was terrified of the dark and this would only bring back memories that made both me and her suffer.

I didn't wait for the car to heat up; I just shut the door and sped away towards her place.

I made it there in record time. I parked the car in the only available parking spot on the street which was well away from her building. I started running towards her building but slowed down once I spotted her. She was perched up on the front stairs outside of the building, her knees huddled up as her face was buried in her hands. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her, she was so admirable and strong, she deserved all good things in the world.

I walked towards her and sat down right next to her but she either didn't see or didn't care because she continued to sit in the same position she was in, isolating herself from the rest of the world.

I hesitated putting my hand on her back and when I finally did, I felt her whole body go rigid and stiff.

"Rose?" I whispered.

She finally lifted her head up from out of her hands and she turned to me.

"What are you doing here?" She replied, her voice shaking slightly.

Even in the dark I could tell that she had been crying a lot.

"You honestly think I was going to let you stay here when I knew that you were both alone and it was dark?" I asked her.

"So there are some emotions in there?" She raised her eyebrows and her gaze was accusing.

"Rose I'm going to be honest with you. I'm an asshole." I took a breath and heard her soft giggle. "Look, I can't explain it properly but I'm a jerk, a huge one. I say these things and they just blurt out like I'm not controlling anything. I don't know why I do that but I know that it was wrong of me to say those things to you." I more or less apologised.

"Can we go inside?" She completely ignored what I had just confessed to her.

"Sure." I replied. "Why are you out here anyway?"

"I put the grocery bags on the bench and then the lights went out. I freaked out so I ran outside. There's absolutely no light inside but at least when cars drive by they have those flashing lights so it wasn't completely dark."

"But Rose, it's dark inside, too. The lights haven't come back on." I told her.

She shrugged and stood up from the stairs.

"I know, but this time you'll be with me." Her soft voice replied.

And my heart probably skipped a beat.

I wasn't used to her saying things like that to me, in some sort of way, I found what she said to be... affectionate?

"W-whatever." I muttered, feeling my cheeks go a little red.

Her silhouette showed a slight smile playing on her lips as she continued walking in the dark. I couldn't believe that she actually trusted me enough to let me be with her while she faced her greatest fear. In some way, I felt honoured. I heard her kick her door open once she had the key inside and she stood in the middle of the door way, blocking entry for me.

"You going to stand there the whole time or do I have to push you?" I grumbled impatiently.

She turned her head and bent it slightly to meet my eyes and frown a little.

"I forgot you were here." She mumbled.

"Please," I scoffed, "save the hospitality until after."

She narrowed her eyes at me and I could see that I was getting to her again.

"You're really mean." She said.

"I know." I replied almost immediately.

She finally walked inside and let me come in to the dark. It wasn't too bad, yeah, it was completely dark but there were some places where the shadows would reflect onto something and you could see glimpses of the area.

"Um, the electricity is out so there's not much to do." Even though it was dark, I still knew she was blushing.

"I know." I laughed in amusement.

"We can't watch TV or anything." She murmured again.

"I know." I said for the third time.

I heard her take a sharp intake of breathe before I heard her stomp her foot.

"No you don't know! Nate, you can't know everything so stop acting so damn narcissistic all the time." She whined.

I laughed at her feistiness and rolled my eyes, taking a place on the couch, allowing myself to sink in.

"Hey, Rose?" I mumbled quietly.

"Yeah?" I felt bad that she sounded enthusiastic.

"Shut up." And then she groaned in annoyance again.

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Authors Note:

Just a filler, I guess. Nothing too exciting happening. Nate's POV is hard to write, that's why random things happen hahhah.

Vote, comment and fan.

Farewell.