Twisted Justice (an NCIS story)

Twenty- Six

While Tony was talking to the McGees Gibbs found Ducky and laid out what had just happened.

"He was trying to force himself to get over it." Ducky said thoughtfully.

"Is that a good idea?"

Ducky was silent for a few moments.

"If someone else had forced him to do it I would say absolutely not, but he did it himself. It is encouraging to see his will and determination to rid himself of this demon. You said he wasn't hysterical or hyperventilating?"

Gibbs throat tightened as he remembered the fear he had watched Tim struggle with. He shook his head.

"He was scared Duck." He shook his head again. "I just-" He broke off.

"It could have been much worse." Ducky said gently. "I believe with his resolve he will stand a fighting chance. He will need support and understanding."

"He has it."

"I know, just make certain that Timothy knows as well."

McGee slowly blinked awake, he felt so drained which confused him because he had thought he had been getting better. For a moment he couldn't figure out where he was, then it hit all at once.

The water rushing, that horrible sound filling his ears, not being able to breathe. Tony and Gibbs. He slowly relaxed; Tony and Gibbs had been there, helping him, supporting him. He had gone in the bathroom to try and get over this once and for all, having decided he couldn't spend the rest of his life not able to listen to the sound of water. He had freaked out when one of the nurses had turned on the faucet. He didn't want to be that way the rest of his life. It probably wasn't the best idea, but he had to do something, anything to get over this fear.

In his peripheral vision he saw something to his right that caught his attention and when he glanced over he was surprised to see Ziva sitting quietly in a chair watching him. It was a little unnerving, she was so still and quiet just sitting there looking at him.

He cleared his throat.

"Hi Ziva"

A ghost of a smile appeared across her lips.

"Hello McGee"

"How are you doing?" he asked gently.

"I am fine." she said simply

It was almost funny; he wanted to laugh but didn't want to insult her. The whole week people had been trying to get him to talk, to make him feel better and now he was the one trying to draw someone else out. It also felt strangely relieving to be able to try to help someone else.

He decided to jump right in.

"Ziva, Tony told me what you think. It wasn't your fault, I don't blame you."

"Just because you do not blame me does not mean I am not at fault."

"Does anyone besides you blame you?"

She thought back to the conversations she had had with Ducky and Tony. Two days ago Gibbs had stopped by her desk and given her the 4th headslap of her career leaning in to whisper.

"David, I will not have you blaming yourself for this and if you would go and visit McGee he wouldn't either."

She shook her head.

"If Gibbs doesn't blame you are you really going to blame yourself?"

He smiled at her to show he was teasing, but she was not ready to let it go.

"You would have every right to be angry. I caused you more pain."

"Ziva" he said gently "there is no doubt in my mind you were doing the very best you could. You didn't do it on purpose."