Izuku Midoryia One-Shots

Going When Needing to Stop

It is what it is. That's what everyone keeps on telling Izuku, and each time he hears it, he becomes more drained then he already was. He felt guilty for feeling so absolutely tired when he knew that others had it a lot worse. People were dying, losing their jobs and loved ones, and all Izuku had to suffer from is the isolation.

When U.A was forced to switch to online school, Izuku didn't think it would be that bad. The online schooling wasn't what was so hard about quarantine, though. It was the utter isolation and drenching feeling of loneliness that made Izuku spiral. The hero school thought it would be a good idea for the students to head back to their respected homes instead of staying in the dorms.

    Izuku had always had a strained relationship with his mother, but it had gotten better ever since receiving his quirk. When he had moved back in, all the progress that Izuku thought they had made towards mending their relationship was destroyed. Inko slowly went back to her (dare he say it) abusive ways. Acting like he was some sort of glass doll that could break any moment, and then yelling at him for always stressing her out. She never let him see his friends (he hadn't seen them since the last day before quarantine. Izuku missed so much that it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest), and it took hours of begging for her to be okay with training. Midoryia's didn't dare say he would be training with All Might and the occasional Kacchan.

(It was like she enjoyed seeing Izuku so isolated. Somedays, she would hold him like he was a baby. It made Izuku cringe, but Izuku knew better to move away from her touches. The first and last time he tried to move, he ended up with hours worth of yelling and a bruised cheek.)

    Izuku was trapped inside a glass box. Being able to see everything, but never being able to do.

Izuku relapsed, and he relapsed hard. He went back into his middle school self. The boy he had tried so hard to get rid of, came back full force. Izuku had gotten used to all of the kindness and love he had received from his friends and teachers, and now that he had gotten wiped away from him, he almost felt worse than middle school. Back in junior high, he never knew any difference, but now that he did, it made him crave it.

Izuku tried to tell himself that he didn't need any love or affection, and that he certainly didn't deserve it. It's what he used to tell himself a few years back, and it helped, but it also seemed to make him crack even further. Midoryia thought it might work again, but it didn't. It made him feel... god, he didn't know what he was feeling anymore.

    The confusion of what he was feeling (or maybe he was just numb) only made the hole he dug deeper and harder to get out of. Izuku was stuck in a place he didn't even know. The lypophrenia made him want to go crazy. Izuku wanted to runaway, but he didn't know where. He needed to do something, but he was captured by these invisible chains that grew stronger every time he tried to crawl out of the hole (sometimes, Izuku thinks of it as a grave. It brings a comfort to him that he couldn't even begin to explain) that he dug himself.

    He was getting better. Izuku hadn't even thought about the knife in his bathroom in over a year, but here he is, laying in he bed during the ungodly hours of night watching the blood drip down his wrist. Izuku had promised himself he would never resort to this ever again, especially now since he had his new family that he knew cared about him.

    But how could he explain all the shit that's inside his head when he doesn't even know himself?

    His mom wouldn't understand, and even if she did, he would never tell her. Inko was a nurse, which meant she was already really busy and stressed out during these times. The chance that she might brush it off and label it as "puberty" or that he's '"over exaggerating" was too terrifying. Izuku doesn't think he would be able take it if she did that. A few times, when he had considered going deeper into his flesh, he had asked himself, "Why? Why can't I ask for help, just once?". He'd been close to calling Yagi when he so desperately wanted the help he knew he needed, but his messed up mind would always supply thoughts on why he should not do that.