Izuku Midoryia One-Shots

He Isn't Him

Izuku is always angry.

His rage is always simmering below the surface, always there yet always hidden. He prides himself in keeping his anger under control; only letting fragments of it show when he needs the extra fuel to win against a villain.

He lost sight of exactly what or who he was angry at, but he supposes that he's angry with a lot of things. Izuku knows that this isn't healthy, that it could even become dangerous bottling up all of this pent up hurt and frustration. He understands and acknowledges this, but is he going to do anything about it? Probably not.

Somedays he wants too. Sometimes Izuku wants to scream his heart out to someone (oh, how badly Izuku wants to vent, but the only one he could feel truly comfortable with is dead.) until his throat is all scratchy and raw. Until he has no more words to yell.

But the only person he could talk to, the one person that believed in him, is gone.

Izuku failed him. Just another thing to be angry about.

Because no matter how much Izuku tries to tell himself that nothing could have saved the one person he trusted with all his heart, he just can't. And maybe he should talk to a therapist about this, but everyone already thinks he has moved on (he will never move on) so that must mean he's fine, right?

Has Izuku ever been fine? Maybe a long, long time ago.

So instead of talking, he bottles his vexation up in a tight bottle and only let it leak around the edges when it was needed, or else it might explode. Some days he has no choice to take it out on himself, or else he'll take it out on the people who've hurt him beyond repair. The methods are vast, but none of them are healthy. It could be cutting his hips, pushing himself until he pukes, or not eating for the entirety of the day.

With the anger came confusion; because why couldn't he ask for help? Why couldn't he tell someone that he wasn't over Yagi's death, or that his relationship with his mother wasn't as perfect as it seemed to be. That every time he went to visit, he felt like a bird in a cage. Always trapped no matter how hard he tried to get out. No matter how many cameras he has to destroy in his room.

Even when Izuku was back at the dorms in the safety of his room (no cameras, but he always checked. Searching his room over and over again because what if he missed something-), he still felt confined. Midoryia always had to remind himself that he could, in fact, breathe.

His mind was a cage of its own; so loud yet deathly quiet at the same time. He could never run away from it, and that terrified him.

_________

   Izuku was going to cut this morning, but he couldn't because he woke up late. He was going to skip breakfast instead, but his classmates had forced him to eat. Which meant that he would just have to push himself until he collapsed during training. Hurting himself was his only way to cope with... everything.

During training he upped the percentage of One For All to the point where his bones ached and his muscles felt like they were being torn apart. It calmed him down from the anger that was threatening to explode.

  Izuku kept on going and going because he needed to get stronger and he wasn't going fast enough. He destroyed robot after robot until he was nearly blinded by the sheer intensity he was going at.

  No one noticed; people only thinking that he was pushing himself the extra mile. No one noticed when his legs were shaking like twigs during a wind storm or how his eye were filled with emotions that could only be labeled as broken.