What Was Lost // (Harry Styles FanFic)

Chapter 7

A/N so the girl up above is Anne Winters and that's who I told y'all I liked to picture Lilly as! Super gorgeous but also has the innocent girl next door vibe about her. Thank y'all so much for all the views, votes, and comments! Especially KrisssyNicole ScarlettlovesRed @RubySlippers_

Sutter's POV

I'm sitting in my car trying to convince myself to get out, but I've been sitting here for twenty minutes and I don't feel any closer to actually exiting my vehicle than I did when I pulled up. I'm not sure what brought me here, it just felt like it was something I needed to do. Being away from this town may have got me away from the prying eyes and gossip, but it doesn't take you away from whatever you're feeling inside yourself. Unfortunately there's nowhere you can run for that.

And I haven't seen Annie's grave since the day of her funeral. My mom and sister came and visited here the day before we left for our new town, but I wasn't ready for that yet. I wasn't ready to accept the harsh truth that she was really done, and was buried under that dirt in a box, all by herself.

Coffins and all that junk are really some dark shit to think about, especially if you're claustrophobic. I mean who the hell came up with the idea of caskets anyway? And why do they need to be buried in the ground? Not that the idea of having my body burned really appeals to me either, but why the hell are those our only two options?

Stop stalling and get your ass out of the car.

I do my best to steady my nerves, and get out of my car slowly. That was a big step in itself and I may just crawl back inside and leave, because I really have no idea to how I'll react when I see her gravesite again. I know this is something I have to do though, and not coming to see her is causing the guilt to eat me up on the inside.

If she is able to look down on me, what would she think of the fact that her own father never took the time to come and see where she's laid to rest, and spoke to her about things? I'm sure she probably doesn't think highly of me anyway, after the way I treated her mother. But I can only fix one thing at a time, and this one seems like the easiest one to start with.

Lilly has a lot more back bone now than what she did before. Not that that's a bad thing, I just wasn't expecting it.

I take a deep breath and then start walking my way around the other graves, aiming for the one that's a lot smaller than all the rest. When I make it to her headstone, I squat down on my knees, and run my fingers over her name engraved in the stone. I loved her name.

Lilly used to love the movie "Annie" about the little red headed orphan girl, and that's why she chose it. At first I was so against it, but then when Lilly had her and I saw her call her by her name for the first time, there was no denying that sweet little face was definitely an Annie.

I'm so caught up in my thoughts of remembering her face, that it takes me a second to notice the empty wine bottles that are loitering around me.

And a shoe? One single shoe. After closer examination though, I realize it looks a lot like the gray tennis shoes that Lilly had on today. Not that I memorized her outfit or anything..

I stand up and peer around, almost expecting to see someone else walking around. Not that I'm particularly fond of that idea, because as bad as it is, grave yards give me the creeps. And we used to play stupid games around here when we were kids.

In the distance I can hear a splash of water, and I look around again, still expecting there to be someone else with me. Then I remember that there used to be a pond over this way, because Lilly and I used to ride our bikes around here. And one time Jesse was dared to go swimming in it when we were younger, but he chickened out and we didn't let him forget about that for weeks.