- November 20th 2001-
Dinner has ended for everyone except Cassius who has only ate one side of the turkey.
Joey:Eliana's tired I'm gonna go put her to bed.
Tabitha:Okay.
I kiss Joey and then Eliana's head and Joey leaves with her to our place.
Cassius:You are my Everest.
Tabitha:Cas you don’t have to finish that.
Cassius:Oh yes I do.Otherwise what’s next?. Today I’m just a guy who can’t finish a turkey but tomorrow I’m the guy who eats half a Powerbar wraps up the rest and puts in the fridge?.No!.No.I just,I just.I gotta change my pants.
Cassius gets up and heads for the door.
Cassius:Jeans have no give.
Cassius leaves and Rachel enters the apartment carrying a book.
Rachel:Okay,Okay.Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year.Dear Rach you’re such a good person. Not girl.Person!.
Ross:Rach I think you’re reading a little too much into it.
Rachel:"Reads".Dear Rach you’re a great person.Sorry about your tiney-wienie.
Will:"Laughs".
Ross:Look what do you want me to do?.Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasn’t true?!.
Rachel:Yes!.
Will:Could you also tell them I’m skinny now?.
Monica:Oh.Me too!.
Ross:Well look,look I’m not calling anybody.Okay?.It was like a million years ago.
Rachel:I don’t care how long ago it was.You told people that I was half and half.Y’know what?.I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Monica:That’s not totally true.
Rachel;What?.
Ross:What?.
Tabitha:Well you,you did start that rumor about Ross making out with Mrs.Altman our 50 year old librarian.
Ross:"Shocked,To Rachel".How did you know that?!.
Monica:It’s true?!.
Ross:No.
Rachel:Yes it is.I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog.
Will:Mrs.Altman?.She also made out with Takaka Ci-Kek the night before he went back to Thailand.
Chandler:I’m sorry.When you were in high school you made out with a 50 year old woman?.
Ross:Hey!.She didn’t look 50.
Chandler:Did she look 16?.
Rachel:Oh there’s a picture of her in the yearbook actually.
Phoebe:Oh!.
We all look.
Phoebe:Wow.
Ross:She didn’t photograph well.
Chandler:Well she probably wasn’t familiar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings.
Phoebe:So how did this happen?.Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?.
Ross:I was working late in the library one afternoon.It was just the two of us.She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another.If you must know Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace…
Monica:Didn’t she walk with a cane?.
Ross:Only when it was damp."To Rachel".I can’t believe you,you told people about this?!.Everybody knew?!.Y’know what?."To Will".I’m back in the club.
Will:Yeah!."High fives him".
Phoebe:I wanna join!.
Rachel:Wh-Phoebe!.
Phoebe:I’m sorry.I’m sorry.I never got to be in a club.I-I didn’t go to high school but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French.Bonjour.
Rachel:All right y’know.Fine.You guys have your stupid little club but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you.You gave me a tiney-wienie!.
Will:"Laughs".
Monica:All right listen you’re just being silly.Rachel even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you.One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll.
Rachel:Wow…
Tabitha:And Ross if it weren’t for Rachel’s rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were.She put you on the map.
Ross:As a romancer of the elderly.
Monica:Hey.Mrs.Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Ross:The eyes did still sparkle.
Tabitha:Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past.Y-you’ve been through so much since then.And right now you’ve got so much more important stuff going on in your life.Can’t you just let this go?.
Rachel:Their right.
Ross:Yeah.I mean we are having a baby together.
Will:Hold on.You got her pregnant?.
Ross:Yeah.
Will:Are ya getting married?.
Ross:Nope.
Will:So you knocked her up but you’re not gonna marry her.Dude!."Wants another high-five".Anybody?.
Phoebe:Okay."Hugs him".It’s exactly how I’d imagined it would be.
Cassius enters wearing maternity pants.
Cassius:All right where’s that turkey.
Phoebe:Cassius.Those are my maternity pants!.
Cassius:Not now.These are my Thanksgiving pants.
*****************************************
-November 22nd 2001-
Me and Joey are in our apartment and Eliana is playing in her playpen as the door opens and Dina and Rachel enter.
Joey:Hey!.It’s the fashion girls!.
They don’t react.
Joey:What’s wrong?.
Rachel:Honey why don’t you sit down?. Dina has something that she wants to tell you.
Joey:"Concerned".Oh.What’s,what’s going on?.Is it mom?.Is she sick?.Is it dad’s heart?. Is that a sandwich?.
Dina:Joe mom and dad are fine…
Joey:Is that a sandwich?!.
Rachel:Joey…there’s something that you…should know.Dina?.
Dina:I’m pregnant.
Tabitha:"Shocked".What?!.-Joey:"Angrily".What?!.
Rachel:Now!.Give him the sandwich,Give him the sandwich!.
Dina quickly sets the sandwich in front of him.
Joey:Well obviously this is a mistake.You can’t be pregnant.Because you have to have sex to get pregnant.
Dina:Joe i tried to wait until I was 25 like you did.
Rachel:What?!.Dina…
Joey:Bub!."Points at Rachel,To Dina".I can’t believe this.You’re the good one.You went to college.Both years.Who did this to you?!.
Dina:Bobby Corso but he’s a real nice guy.I like him a lot.He’s real funny.
Joey:You got pregnant for funny?!.Dina if he’s funny laugh.All right I’ll be back in a little while.You stay here!.
Dina:Why?.Where are you going?.
Joey:I can’t look at you right now!.
Joey leaves and slams the door behind him.
Dina:Wow.
Tabitha:I know.
Joey enters and covering his face so he doesn’t see Dina grabs the sandwich and heads back out.
*Time Lapse*
Later on Me,Dina and Rachel are reading pregnancy books.
Dina:Do you ever worry that you’ll be walking and your baby will just like slip out?.
Rachel:What college was that Dina?.
Tabitha:Dina.Us woman have very strong bodies that make sure the babies stay put till birth.
Joey enters dragging a guy.
Dina:Oh my God.Bobby.
Bobby:Hi Dina.Good to see you.
Tabitha:Joey what are you doing?
Joey:Just what needs to be done.Dearly beloved we are gathered here to join this man and this woman…
Tabitha:Oh Joey this is crazy!.
Joey:Don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to God.Now where were we?.Oh right okay. Do you Dina take this man…
Dina:No.
Joey:Oh you’ll take em.
Dina:No I won’t.
Joey:Hey.You don’t get a say in this.
Dina:Yes I do.
Joey:Ah.I heard I do we’re halfway there. Okay."To Bobby".You.
Rachel:All right Joey.That is enough.
Rachel grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina.
Rachel:Listen as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is it’s not legal.Okay?. They,they don’t have a marriage license, they don’t have any witnesses and the groom only has on one shoe.
Bobby:Yeah he took the other one off and hit me with it.
Joey:Well what am I supposed to do?.
Rachel;You’re supposed to realize that they are adults.And that they can make their own decisions.
Joey:No they can’t.They were stupid enough to get knocked up.
Rachel:Hey!.Contraceptives are not always effective..To Bobby,Dina".Right?.
Bobby:Yeah…we kinda didn’t use any…
Rachel:Oh come on kids.A little help here.
*Time Lapse*
Tabitha:Joey just because they’re not getting married doesn’t mean this is going to be a disaster.Maybe they have a plan.
Joey:Oh?,Oh.Okay,Okay.Let’s hear their plan.Now what’s the future look like for Dina and Bobby?.
Bobby:Well…I really have high hopes for my band.
Joey:"To Dina".You were right.He is funny.
Rachel:Hey now wait a minute.I get when you told people at first that you wanted to be an actor they laughed at you.Now come on Bobby why don’t you tell us a little bit about your band?.
Bobby:Well it’s just me and my pal Rooster the band’s name is Numb Nuts.
Rachel:"To Dina".Really?."Nods head at Bobby".
Joey:Dina if you’re having a baby you should be married.Even if it is to Bobby.
Bobby gets happy.
Joey:Dude that’s not a compliment.
Dina:No Joey.I knew you wouldn’t be supportive.
Joey:So whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa.What are you gonna do?.You’re gonna have the baby anf,and raise it by yourself…without a husband?!.You can’t be a single mother alone!.You’re gonna ruin your life.
Rachel:Oh excuse me.Am I ruining my life?.
Joey:No,No,No.It’s different for you.You’re so strong and together.You’re not some dumb kid who doesn’t know what she’s doing.
Dina:Excuse me?.
Joey:One pregnant woman at a time please.I just want you to be okay.
Tabitha:So forcing her to marry Bobby is gonna make that happen?.
Joey:Maybe."To Bobby".Well.Well…so,so uh what kind of music does Numb Nuts.Oh forget it.I can’t.
Dina:Joey I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it I’m just gonna need some help.And Bobby’s gonna be here the whole time.
Bobby:You bet I am."To Joey".And to answer your earlier question we’re straight up gangster rap.
Joey shakes his head as if he’s about to lose it.
Dina:Look Rachel’s told me how much easier you’ve made all this on her.Why can’t you do that for me?.
Joey:Because!.Cause,Cause you’re my baby sister.
Dina:And you’re my big brother.I mean you’re my favorite guy in the whole world. I’m not even scared to tell mom and dad.I was scared of telling you.
Joey:Well I’d be scared of them but all right.
Dina:Joey.I can’t stand the thought of having this baby with you mad at me.I want him to have his uncle.Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey?.
Joey:Of course he’s gonna have his Uncle Joey.His aunt Tabitha and his neice and the baby Tabitha's pregnant with.
Dina:We’re gonna be all right.I mean even if we’re not married this baby is gonna be so loved.Not just by us.
Joey:That’s right.By his uncle too.
Bobby:And by you.
Rachel:Okay Bobby why don’t we just come over here and let them have a little moment.
Rachel drags Bobby away from Joey and Dina.
Joey:Come here.
Joey hugs Me and Dina and Bobby looks to hug Rachel.
Rachel:No.Seriously.What’s wrong with you?!.