It wasn't long before Damon, Leon and Finn found me to talk about what I mentioned.
I was at the castle and they dragged me to a private room and sat me down.
"You know it's been quite awhile since I lived in my past life."
"But you keep all your memories, right?" Finn prodded.
I sighed, leaning back in the chair they sat me in.
"It's not a big deal. Some people are shit and I didn't have these amazing abilities in my past life. I was chubbier, no real muscle and no backbone to stand up for myself."
"So, it's a shitty experience no matter what," Leon assured. "You've done a lot to open our eyes Isaiah. Because if you, I've looked at what sometimes happens among the soldiers and realize it's not alright. you respect people more than others and it's admirable."
"What happens among the soldiers?" Damon asked curiously.
Leon shrugged, "bad things. The assaulters are sent to jail and banned from the army." He turned to me, "so we aren't here to judge."
"I didn't think you would," I assured. "It's weird to talk about since I never told Devon or Liz about it. Liz was there that night and I just never told her and Devon was dead. I couldn't tell him."
"They were reincarnated?" Leon muttered.
"I thought I said that, guess not."
Damon got back to the point, "we won't force you to talk about it if you don't want to."
"Well, it doesn't really feel like my story anymore, since it's been so long and another life. But, I guess I should get it out at least once."
The three nodded and sat back and watched me, listening intently.
"Well, in my previous life, I loved someone and they died. I was so hung up in the whole ordeal that I didn't actively search for anyone. Liz encouraged me to at least go to Gay bars, which were places men and women would interact with men and women who liked the same sex. So I'd go. Unfortunately, every community has a good and bad side. And one day, I happened to run into the bad side."
It was weird talking about it, but they were listening, not saying anything, not judging.
I got this.
"I was used to crude jokes, it was gross , but I just didn't have courage to cuss them out like Liz did. And one night, she got swept on the dance floor and I stayed at the bar. While I was there, some guy drugged my drink. I felt sick and went to the bathroom and he followed. I can't really recall anything else from that night besides puking my guts out and another guy consoling me while I cried. I didn't know how to tell anyone, so I just went on with life and vowed to never date."
"Never date?" Finn pressed.
"I was scared of men. I didn't want to be intimate with them. And since I'm not attracted to women, I just couldn't see myself being happy. Obviously, things changed when I was reborn. I knew the character, I could be stronger, be better, and then more I lived his life, the more I became him. And I felt strong again. But I was still scared. Then I met Damon and the fear left me."
"And you got a crush on him," Finn snickered.
"Yeah. And while I never show it, sometimes, those fears still bubble up in me. When Liam was around, he'd know how to calm me down, make me feel safe. I never told him, but I think the me in the his new reality will. If it ever happens."
Damon smiled sadly, and I realized it was because I brought up Liam. I wanted to reach out for him, but I wasn't sure if he wanted me to.
Fuck it.
I grabbed his hand, smiling kindly, "thank you for worrying about me. All of you."
Leon and Finn looked at Damon, than back at me, then at our hands.
"If you become emperor, I'm retiring," the two said at the same time.
Damon started laughing at that, and I couldn't help but smile.
"Don't worry, I probably will not have that title."
Damon looked at me, brow quirked, "what do you want to be called then?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."
"Besides that wonderful announcement, thank you for telling us," Leon said kindly.
I smiled brightly back, still holding onto Damon's hand.
"That aside, when did you and the prince get together?"
Damon went to speak, but shut his mouth, wondering if saying the retirement party was the right idea.
"We talked about it before. When we were nearly done talking to all the newly installed kings and leaders. I brought up concerns and then a week or so later, he brought up some of his."
"Concerns?" Finn asked.
"I know I'm next in line to be emperor, so who I date will be very public eventually. Me being with Isaiah could have people doubting my integrity as emperor, that sort of thing. But we'll be fine, I'm sure of it."
Finn and Leon immediately understood.
"I guess I just expected you to be more forward about it, Liam was pretty open about your relationship," Finn reminded.
"To show off his boyfriend surely," Leon joked.
My face scrunched up, "he wasn't doing it to brag at all. Liam did it because he was scared I'd leave."
All the smiles slipped.
"What?"
"Liam knew Damon liked me when we got together. I never believed it because I was head over heels for Liam. Liam went out of his way to tell people we were together so that it solidified that we were together."
"Why?" Damon asked.
"He was insecure. My first love was the crown prince. He thought he wasn't good enough. It took me a long time to convince him that I only saw him. Liam even admitted his insecurities to me multiple times. Like when Damon and I became friends again, he expressed his fears of me leaving. At the time, I told him that even if Damon suddenly confessed, he was the only one I was seeing."
Leon's brows furrowed, "Liam was worried about stuff like that?"
"He's only human. And all the time we'd known each other, I've been talked up, praised, gods gave me their blessings, all of that. People get insecure even over the smallest of things. He was scared, and I did everything I could to make him feel secure."
"So when he boasted to the soldiers-"
"That was bragging. When we got married, a lot of his insecurities vanished. And from what the god of tragedy told me, he was at his happiest when he passed. So I'm sure that he wasn't scared of me loving someone else while he was alive."
"You two always seemed so sure of yourselves, I'd never think you'd be insecure."
I shrugged, "it wasn't just him. I was worried he'd find someone better. I was scared he's reject me, and we both worked together to build each other up." We had trust in each other and we worked hard to be there for each other. "Besides, no matter how in love you are, you can always be scared of things that will never happen."
"How so?" Finn pressed.
I decided to use a more recent example. "When I feel in love with Damon and confessed the first time, I didn't think about him being prince, anything like that. He was just Damon. And as we got closer when Liam died, I got scared again. Scared that Damon didn't feel anything a rn I was setting myself up for failure. Fear that Liam would resent me if he knew. Fear that the emperor would take his crown. Even now I'm worried that I'll get in his way. I know that emperor may not mind, but that doesn't change my fears. Because I want Damon to become emperor. He's a good leader and exactly what the empire needs when the emperor retires. But I also wish I didn't see the crown. To me, Damon is my best friend, my first love, and don't want him to ever think I want the crown."
"I'm well aware you don't want it," Damon assured.
"Still."
"To think even the great Duke Reynolds worries that much."
I was still holding Damon's hand, and I gave it a calm squeeze, smiling a bit. "You'll never stop worrying when you have someone to worry about."
"You two are calling us all sort of single, aren't you?"
Yup.