F.
A big, fat, fucking F written in sticky red on the front of my Chemistry paper. I internally groan and stare right back up at my teacher, Mrs Sanders. She did not look impressed.
I never had a problem with Mrs Sanders, in fact, she was one of the nicest teachers in school. However, I found at time she pretended she was an elementary school teacher rather than a high school teacher, thinking we'd enjoy colouring in pictures of the atomic structure or the question-answer game where you threw a ball around the classroom, even using popsicle sticks to pick on people.
Nonetheless, she was better than most teachers in school. Most of the time she had a smile on her face. Most of the time.
"I don't know what to say, Sienna." She said with a frown and creased brow. "This is the forth fail in a row. Is there something I should know?" only that I'm shit at Chemistry but that was already evident.
"I'm trying." That was a lie. I wasn't trying. Science was one of those subjects you either loved or hated, and I hated it.
"Well, trying doesn't seem to be fitting it." She sighed and crossed her arms. "And I haven't gotten any homework from you this past week either. Care to explain that?" shit, we had homework? That must've been somewhere in between Emma's party and Steven's. To be honest, homework was a complete waste because everyone just googled the answers anyways.
"I'm sorry, Miss, but I've been so busy lately with cheer practice and helping my parents at the country club that –"
"Your education has become unimportant?" that was harsh. "Look, Sienna." Mrs Sanders sighed and perked on top of her desk opposite me. "I know this year has been difficult with college applications and all, but I need you to focus on your work still. I know I've been lenient over the years, but this year is the year you really need to get these grades up."
"I'll try, Mrs Sanders. Promise. Maybe Chemistry isn't my thing, though." I shrugged and slightly flicked the paper across my desk.
Mrs Sanders let out a hearty sigh and unfolded her arms. "I've been running study sessions after school on Tuesdays and Fridays. Couldn't you show up to any of them."
"But I've got cheer practice after school on Tuesdays and Fridays." I argued.
"What about a one-to-one session on a Wednesday morning?" morning? Oh, hell no!
"Can't. I help my parents play golf on a Wednesday morning. At the country club." That was always a good excuse.
Mrs Sanders sighed for the hundredth time and rubbed her temples. I felt bad for her. I knew she wanted to help me, but my case was hopeless. I simply did not want to be helped because who the hell wanted to spend their free time learning about Chemistry? Ew, no thank you.
"Then have you considered hiring a tutor?" a tutor?
"A tutor?"
"I have a lot of wonderfully bright students who tutor in my AP classes. You can mould your sessions are your schedule." It was a nice idea but again, who wants to spend their free time learning about Chemistry. Nope. Not me.
"I appreciate the offer, Mrs Sanders, really I do." I got up from the desk and flicked my hair behind my shoulder. "But I'm just not that interested."
Mrs Sanders gave a hopeless look and frowned deeply. "I worry for you, Sienna."
"That's sweet, Miss. But I'm perfectly fine. I'll see you next class!" I scurried out of the classroom.
"Sienna!" Mrs Sanders called after me, but I really couldn't care less. I hated Chemistry and the longer I was in that classroom, the more stress wrinkles I would get, and those things are real.
I rolled my eyes and pulled out my phone. Shit, Adam had called me. Fucking teachers. I groaned and shoved my phone back into my bag.
Adam and I had been broken up for just over a week and I was patiently waiting for him to beg for me back. He had been holding up a fight on this one, but I knew he'd eventually come around, and, besides, I've been doing tonnes of ass workouts to make it look huge and everyone knows Adam's a sucker for ass.
Making my way to the cafeteria, I saw Rya, my best friend, with a spot waiting for me. I smiled and walked over, trying to ignore the constant gawks from all the boys and death stares from their girlfriends. I wasn't cocky, but I knew my body was hot. I worked out constantly in order to maintain my gorgeous physique and I could tell it worked. Nobody would turn me down if they had the chance.
I sat down beside Rya who was munching on her cheese fries. I picked out the box of salad I had made this morning and began to eat.
"How did your talk go with Mrs Sanders?" Rya curiously asked. Rya and I were very much opposites. We met in the Fourth Grade and instantly clicked. She was extremely smart with straight A's but also extremely kind. She was the most caring person I knew. I sometimes believed she didn't belong in the group we were sectioned into in high school because of the bitchiness, but she had thick skin and let all hatred go through one ear and out the other.
"Not that bad. I mean, I'm failing but what were we expecting?" I said and took a bite of some cucumber.
Rya looked lightly concerned. "Sienna, don't you ever think about what all these failures are gonna get you?" I shrugged and looked at her cluelessly. "No university. Colleges don't want students who don't care about their work."
"I do care about my work!" I argued. "I just don't have the time to."
I watched as Rya sighed and rolled her eyes. She knew I was a hopeless case anyways. I wish Mrs Sanders would see that.
"Sienna!" Nikki, one of the girls in my group turned round to me and smiled.
I didn't like Nikki that much. Pssht, no one liked Nikki. She was way too gossipy and attention seeking for my liking. Her pick-me girl energy radiated all around this table. "I heard that Adam was hanging out with Leah Kingston. What d'you think about that?"
I'd already heard the rumours about Adam and Leah hooking up at a party a few days ago. I didn't care. I've hooked up with tonnes of boys whilst we were on our breaks so why should I care if he does the same? It did bother me that it hadn't been that long since we broke it off but, oh well. What can a girl do?
He'll realise that I'm much better in bed than some vanilla flavoured, soccer girl sooner or later. Preferably sooner.
"Adam can do whatever he wants, just as much as I can do whatever I want – or whoever, in that matter." I replied.
"Exactly." Rya preached and I sent her a thankful smile.
"Whatever. Only, Adam and Leah are looking kinda cosy over there." Nikki smirked and turned away. I looked back at the Basketball Team's table where Adam sat and saw Leah feeding his grapes. What was he? Some type of God? Yeah right.
Nevertheless, I felt my blood boil. What was that vanilla girl doing with my man?! He isn't your man right now. But he will again soon.
I tried to push all my feelings aside as Adam caught my eyes. I gave my best flirtatious smile and I saw his jaw tense. I still got to him. Jaw tensing was something Adam did when he was turned on. Even when that vanilla bitch was practically on his lap, he still knew I could give him pleasure like no one else.
I was more of the dominant one during sex. Not that I had a kink for it but because, with high school boys, you kind of had to be. Teenage boys knew little about the female anatomy and so we usually had to take control during sex in order to have a somewhat pleasurable experience, and that was if you had the confidence to. Adam wasn't bad at sex. He liked to be dominant and I loved it, but I sometimes felt that his dominance was too in focus and my pleasure slipped out of the picture. Maybe we were both into different things. I didn't know. But I knew that I still wanted him back. I cared for him. He was the first ever boy I said 'I love you' to and I wanted to keep it that way.
After lunch I got a note from reception saying to come to the Guidance Councillor's office. For fuck's sake. Just when my day couldn't get any worse.
Pulling my sunglasses out of my bag, I slid them onto my face and walked down the halls. People seeing you go into the Guidance Councillor's office was an asking for bullying. At least in my school. If people knew you had problems, rumours would spread and the last thing I needed were rumours.
Not when this Adam and Leah bullshit was flying around like a squawking bird begging for attention.
You see, I've built an empire. I became exactly who and what I wanted to be. Whenever you would watch those cringey, teen rom coms, every girl aspired to be the shy girl who 'isn't like other girls', the one that ends up glowing up and has the bad boy chasing after her. Every girl wanted to be like that. But not me.
The mean girl was always my idol. For some reason, I connected with her more. The designer clothes, on point makeup, tonnes of friends, dating the hottest guy in school. She was feared and loved at the same time. I wanted to be like that. I wanted to be the girl that had all the guys begging to hook-up with her. I wanted to be the girl with power. And I did. I embodied those mean girls until I became one of them.
Now, I wouldn't consider myself mean. I had never on purposely bullied a soul, but the people I don't like, I don't associate myself with. Bad geeks hooked you up with the coolest DJs for your parties, nerds were who did your homework, and horse girls were for... well, when you wanted to feel normal.
Call me mean but I was just being honest. That was how high school worked and call it cliché, but it was true.
"How are you feeling today, Sienna?" Andy asked as I sat down in the uncomfortable leather chair. Andy was our guidance councillor. He preferred us to call him by his first name for 'connectable reasons'.
"Fine. Why am I here?" being in here gave me the creeps. Not that Andy was a creepy guy. He was in his early thirties with a happy husband and two toddlers, a boy and a girl. How I know all this? He tells me. But the office itself makes me uneasy. Everything in it from the blue and green pencil holders and the methodical ticking clock on the wall stared at me like I needed help.
Andy knew how I worked. Straight to the point, and he took out some papers from under his desk.
"I've received a lot of concerns from a lot of your teachers." He explained. "You are failing in five subjects and several teachers have showed their concerns." Five?! I was failing in five? It was two last time I'd checked.
"French, Biology, Statistics, World History, and Chemistry." Damn, I always knew my French teacher never liked me. "You also have reports of multiple missing homework for History and Biology as well as several absences from Statistics, a numeral amount of detentions from French and a serious note of concern from Mrs Sanders, your Chemistry teacher." Andy finished with a sigh and looked at me. "What's happening, Sienna?"
"Nothing." I responded. In truth, nothing was happening with me. School and I just didn't see eye to eye. We were best buds. School was the weather and I was Karen Smith's tits.
"Well, according to your reports from Freshman and half of Sophomore year, you were one of our brightest students." Andy checked his computer. They have records of that?
"That's because it was Freshman and Sophomore year. Classes back then were easy." I spoke.
"So, because the classes have gotten harder, you seemed to give up in trying?"
"I didn't give up."
"I'm just trying to understand. I'm not interrogating. But I'm sure I, as well as a lot of your teachers, would like to know if anything was going on that was either distracting you or unmotivating you from your studies. We only have your best interest at heart here, Sienna." My best interest at heart? Oh please, teachers just liked to get paid.
"I just don't like school." I answered honestly.
"Are there things going on at school that make you not like it?" like I'd tell you right now if there were, dumb-ass.
"No. School and I just don't get on. That's it." Andy sighed heavily and massaged his temples. "Look, I'm not a naturally smart person therefore I don't know why you are expecting me to get straight A's like a nerd."
"We're not asking that, Sienna. I just want to help you. Help me help you." He smiled softly but I knew he was finding me difficult. For some reason, most teachers found me difficult. Their loss. "We are on your side here, me and your teachers."
"Listen, Andy." I sighed getting slightly irritated. "I don't know what you want me to do, but it is clear that I am not going to pass these classes."
"Then what are you going to do about college?" since when was college involved in this? I looked back at Andy, not saying anything as he looked back through the papers on his desk that I'm sure tell all about my non-existent academic life.
"Sienna, your credit score is not the highest which means your GPA is frighteningly low. In fact, if I'm being real for a second..." you're always real Andy. Sometimes too real. "I can't see many colleges accepting you at this rate."
Excuse me?
"Excuse me?" I blinked a couple times to make sure I wasn't dreaming. It was more like a nightmare.
"Sienna, you had to have known that failures and skipping meant a poor college application." Of course, I knew that. I just hadn't expected it to have gotten that far. I knew I was failing a bit and sure, I skipped classes now and then. But I didn't realise I did it a lot.
"You're saying that I'm not going to college?" I leaned forward in my chair to make sure I heard him correctly this time.
"I'm not saying you're not going but I'm sure you won't get into many at this rate. And I'm sure you would like to go to a good college." Obviously, I wanted to go to a good college. That was where all the rich guys went. Focus, Sienna.
I nodded and watched as Andy stacked back up the papers. "Well, it's good to know you care about that because I am sure you will be willing to get those grades up." I nodded again. What would happen if people found out I went to a crappy college? God, I could just imagine gossip about my downfall. I couldn't let that happen.
"And get a tutor." Um, what?
"Get a what?" I blinked again.
"A tutor. I know you are well committed to cheerleading and so I think it's best if you get a tutor. That way you can work around your busy schedule and get efficient one-to-one attention." How was I going to tell my parents about this? I usually hid all my reports and told my teachers my parents were out of town on business trips for parent-teacher conferences. How was I going to hide this?
"How much is a tutor?"
Andy chucked. "Luckily, you don't have to pay for one. Mrs Sanders runs a great voluntary tutoring programme in school and I'm sure she would love to help you out." Great, spending my time with a nerd. Just how I wanted to spend my Senior year. "I really think it's the best option for you, Sienna. Think about your future."
I knew Andy was right. I hated that Andy was right. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply.
"What d'you say?" he cheered up his tone to try and give me some motivation, but it only made me cringe. I could imagine his cheesy smile and a jolly-pirate arm swing as he said it.
I opened my eyes and sighed once more.
"Fine."