-February 4th 1999-
At Central Perk Me,Joey,Chandler and Cassius are sitting on the couch.
Chandler:I'm telling tou she gives the worst massages ever!.Okay it was like she was torturing me for information.And I wanted to give it up I just I didn't know what it was!.
Joey:Chandler if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her.
Chandler:Look for the first time in my life I'm in a real relationship.Okay I'm not gonna screw that up by y'know telling the truth.
Tabitha:"Sarcastically".Oh what a healthy relationship not telling the truth.
Ross who's carrying Coffee walks up to us with Rachel.
Ross:Hey.
Cassius:Whoa dude look out!.You almost crushed my hat!.
Cassius picks a hat up from the floor.It's one of those magician hats.
Ross:Sorry.
Chandler:"Examining the hat".And the bunny got away.
Chandler turns and starts looking for the bunny as Cassius puts the hat on.As me and Joey chuckle.
Ross:"Glaring".This would be the place where you explain the hat.
Cassius:Oh!.Yeah look there's this play all right?.And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy.A real clothes horse.So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know ultra hip,high fashion stuff.
Chandler:And you're gonna make them all disappear.
Cassius:Yeah like you could find something as sophisticated as this.
Chandler picks up a basket from the table and puts it on his head.
Chandler:Done.
Rachel:Cas if you wanna look good why don't you just come down to the store?.I'll help you out.
Cassius:Great!.Thanks Rach!.
Rachel:Sure!...God please take those off!.
Cassius:All right.
Both of them remove their hats as Phoebe enters.
Tabitha:Hey Pheebs how's it going?.
Chandler:Hey.
Phoebe:Hey!.Um well only okay because I just got back from,from the hospital.
Rachel:What?.
Ross:Is everything okay?.
Joey:Are you all right?.
Phoebe:Oh yeah no,no,no.I'm fine.I'm okay, but um my Grandma sorta died.
Joey:Pheebs!.Sorry!.
Phoebe:It's okay I mean she had a really incredible life.And it's not like I'm never gonna see her again y'know she's gonna visit.
Rachel:Well maybe,maybe she's with us right now?.
Phoebe:Yeah her first day on a new spiritual plane and she's gonna come to the coffeehouse!.
Monica enters the Cafe in a hurry.
Monica;Guys!,Guys!.I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside.
Tabitha:Uh Pheebs Grandmother just died.
Monica:Oh my God I'm so sorry.
Phoebe:It's okay.Actually y'know what it's kinda cool.Cause it's like y'know one life ends and another begins.
Monica:"To Ross,Chandler,Cassius".Not the way they're doing it.What,what happened?. How did she die?.
Phoebe:Well um okay we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and she just never came back up again.
Joey:Pheebs I'm so sorry.
Phoebe:It was really sweet.The last thing she said to me was Okay dear you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter.And y'know what?.We will meet at the checkout counter.
*****************************************
Later on at Central Perk Me,Joey,Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Cassius enters the Cafe.
Cassius:Hey!.
Chandler:Hey!.
As Cassius walks past us we see the bag and he has and we stare at each other in shock.
Chandler:Wow!.You look just like your son Mrs.Moore.
Cassius:What?.Are you referring to my man's bag?.At first I thought it just looked good but it's practical too.Check it out!.It's got compartments for all your stuff!.Your wallet!,Your keys!,Your address book!.
Tabitha:Your makeup.
Joey:"Chuckles".Good one.
Rachel:"Enters".Cas what are you doing with the bag?.You're audition is not until tomorrow.
Cassius:Yeah but sandwich time is right now.
As Joey is eating his own sandwich Cassius removes a sandwich from the bag and starts eating.
Rachel:Cassius y'know you get any mustard on that bag you can't return it.
Cassius:Why would I return it?.I love this bag!.
Rachel:All right then you owe me $350.
Cassius:Fine!.Do you take Vasa or Mustercard?.
Cassius holds up the fake credit cards that come with the bag.
Rachel:"Glares".Cassie…
Cassius:All right relax look I'll pay you with the money from the acting job I am definitely gonna get thanks to you.
Ross:What's the part Anti-man?.
Rachel:Hey don't listen to them.I think it's sexy.
Cassius:U-N-I-sexy?."Smiles".
*****************************************
-
February 5th 1999-
The next day we all arrive at Phoebe's Grandmother's memorial.
Rachel:Hi sweetie!.
Ross:Hey how are you holding up?.
Tabitha:Hey Pheebs I'm so sorry.
Phoebe:"See's Cas's bag".Hey y'know what?.My Grandma had the exact same bag!.
Cassius:Here I brought you some flowers."Pulls them out of bag".
Phoebe:Thanks!
Chandler:Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.
An older man enters looking around and bumps into Chandler.
???:Oops I'm sorry.Excuse me.Is this the um the memorial?.
We all walk off so Phoebe can greet the new guest....Soon we see the man leave and
P
hoebe takes one step after him and stops.
Phoebe:Oh my God!m
Monica:What?!.
Tabitha:What honey?.
Ross:What happened?.
Phoebe:That was my dad!.
Chandler:Oh my God!.
We all look down the hall he left from as Joey approaches wearing his 3D glasses.
Joey:Hey you guys check it out.Check it out.
My husband moves his hand towards and away from his face.
Joey:It's like it's coming right at me.
Chandler helps out a little bit by pushing on Joey's arm which causes his hand to slap him in his face...Soon Phoebe is returning after looking for her father.
Monica:Oh did you catch him?!.
Phoebe:Uhuh.
Ross:W-what did he say?!.
Phoebe:He said Nice to meet you Glenda.
We all stare at her.
Phoebe:Well obviously I couldn't give him my real name?.
Rachel:Why?!.
Tabitha:Why not?!.
Phoebe:Come on you saw the way he ran out of here!.What do you think?.He's gonna stick around and talk to the daughter he abandoned!.
Joey:What did you say to him?.
Phoebe:Well I said I told him y'know that I was the executor person of Francis's will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.
???:Could everyone please take their seats?.
Phoebe:All right well I just can't think about that right now.I just wanna say goodbye to my Grandma.
Rachel:Okay.
Monica:All right let's go say goodbye.
We put on our glasses and try to find our way to our seats...Later after the funeral we are at Monica and Rachel's apartment.Cassius enters with his bag.
Cassius:Hey!.I'm off to my audition.How do I look?.
Rachel:Ah I think you look great.That bag is gonna get you that part.
Chandler:And a date with a man!.
Cassius:Y'know what?.Make fun all you want.This is a great bag!.Okay?.And it's as handy as it is becoming.Now just because you don't understand something doesn't make it wrong.All right?.So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Cas."Pats the bag".Comes with a bag!."Leaves".
Phoebe:All right I'd better go too.I have to go talk to my dad.
Rachel:Oh Pheebs what are you gonna say?.Are you gonna tell him who you are?.
Phoebe:Um no not at first cause I-I don't want to freak him out.
Ross:Well but aren't you pissed at him?!.I mean this guy abandoned you.I gotta tell you if this were me this guy would be in some serious physical danger!."Getting worked up".I mean I-I-I'd walk in there and I'd be like Yo dad!.You and me outside right now!..."Calming down".I kinda scared myself.
Monica:Well at least you scared someone.
Phoebe:Y'know it's funny you'd think I'd be angry.I mean you'd think I'd wanna rip his tiny little head off.Fortunately I'm past it.
Monica:Phoebe you do seem a little tense. Here let me help you.
Phoebe:All right.
Monica goes over and tries to give Phoebe a massage.Phoebe yelps in pain and jumps away from her.
Phoebe:Oh!.Get off!.Ow!.Oh stop it!.Why?!,Why are you doing that to me?!.
Monica:What are you talking about?.
Phoebe:As a masseuse and a human I'm begging you never do that to anyone!.
Monica:I give good massages.
Me and Ross laugh.
Monica:I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic!.And,and,and Chandler loves them!.Watch!.
Monica starts giving Chandler a massage and Chandler has a pained look on his face.
Phoebe:He,he does not like it!.He hates it!. He's in pain!.
Monica:No he's not!.
Chandler:"Wincing".Yes he is!.
Monica:What?!.
Chandler:I'm sorry but ow!.
Monica:You've been lying to me?.I can't believe you'd do that.
Ross:Well maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Monica:But the minute we start to lie to each other…And by we I mean society.