-May 17th 1998-
At the Hospital Me,Joey,Ross,Cassius and Rachel arrive with Phoebe.
Phoebe:"To nurse".Hi.
Nurse:Hi.
Phoebe:Hi yeah hi.I'm um Phoebe Buffay and I have babies coming out of me.
Nurse:Okay.Have you started having contractions?.
Phoebe:Not yet.Um I heard they really hurt do they hurt?.
Nurse:Well…
Phoebe:Oh my God!.
Roas:It's all right.
Nurse:Now which of you is the father?."Points to Cas,Ross".
Phoebe:Oh no none of them are the father. The father is my brother.
Nurse:Okay…
Rachel:I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that!.
Cassius:Okay uh Pheebs quick.Look!.This."Video camera".Is for the babies to look at someday so is,is there anything you want to say?.Y'know before it all starts?.
Phoebe:Oh okay, um hi kids!.Um it's me Aunt Phoebe.I can't wait to see you.Please don't hurt me.
Monica and Chandler come running in.
Tabitha:Hey what took you guys so long?.
Ross:Your cab left when ours did.
Monica:Well we,we had to go back because I forget my jacket.
Chandler:That's right.
Me,Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.
Rachel:You-you're not wearing a jacket.
Monica:Oh man!.I did it again!.
Phoebe:"Standing up".Okay so um somebody has to call Frank and Alice.
As she is talking Cassius is sticking the camera under her skirt.
Phoebe:And then my mom wants to know-"See's Cas".Cassius what are you doing?!.
Cassius:I gotta get the before shot.
Phoebe shakes her head at him...Later on in the delivery room Rachel and Ross are entering.
Rachel:Hi Pheebs?.Okay so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh she's not coming.
Phoebe:What?!.
Ross:Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.
Phoebe:Oh my God she's so stupid!.
Ross:Look Pheebs,Pheebs it's gonna be okay.
Phoebe:That's easy for you to say I don't see three kids coming out your vagina!.
Rachel:Honey listen y'know what?.The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.
Ross:Yeah he's head of the department.
Phoebe:All right-Oh!-Oh dead God save me!.
Monica:What?.
Phoebe:I'm having my first contraction!.
Chandler:Oh no.
Phoebe:Oh it's not bad.
Chandler:Okay.
Cassius:Oh!."In an announcer type voice". And so the miracle of life begins and-
Joey:"Screams,grabs his side,doubles over in pain".
Tabitha:Joey honey.Hey.You okay?.
Joey:Oh something hurts!.
Phoebe:Oh it's sympathy pains.Oh that's so sweet!.
Joey:Are they?.I didn't know I cared that much.
The doctor enters the room.
Ross;Hello.
Doctor:Hi.Phoebe I'm Dr.Harad I'm going to be delivering your babies.I want you to know you're gonna be in good hands.I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal in the meantime just relax because everything here looks great.And also I love Fonzie."Leaves".
Chandler:Did he just say, he loves Fonzie?.
Monica:That's what it sounded like.
Chandler:All right…
Frank:"Enters".Hey!.
All:Hey!.
Frank:"To Phoebe".Hey!.Am I late?,Am I late?.Nobody came out yet right?.
Phoebe:No,no,no.We haven't started yet. Where's Alice?.
Frank:Uh Delaware.She's on her way though so until she gets here I'm gonna be your coach.But don't worry she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff.
Chandler:Yeah that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month they give you 2% financing.
Frank:Yeah.
*****************************************
In The waiting room Me,Joey,Monica and Cassius are sitting around as Rachel enters.
Rachel:Monica?.You gonna be very proud of me.I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.
Cassius:Oh my!.
Rachel:They're male nurses.
Cassius:Not in my head.
Rachel:Anyway they want to take us out Saturday night!.What do you say?.
Monica:Um."Looks around".Um,Um I don't think so.
Rachel:What? What are you talking about?!.You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on.I'm moving on and you're moving on with me. Come on give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Monica:Um why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and,and then I'll tell you if it's true.
Rachel:What?.
Monica:Harder than it sounds.Isn't it?.
Rachel:Okay you're coming with me and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jelly-O with them.
Cassius:"Sexy voice".Yep.There's always room for Jell-O…
Rachel:Cas how do you make that dirty?.
Joey:Oh it's easy.I taught Cas.Yeah I-I can do it with anything.Watch uh."Snaps fingers,sexy voice".Grandma's chicken salad…
Tabitha:Oh or uh."Sexy voice".I'll have the meat.
Joey and Cassius laugh and I join in with them as Rachel and Monica stare at us.
*****************************************
Later on in the delivery room Me,Joey,Chandler,Frank and Ross are with Phoebe.
Cassius:"Enters".Ross!.Get a shot of this.
Cassius is carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.
Cassius:Hey babies.These are the headlines on the day you were born!.Okay now girl baby turn away and boy babies…
He throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.
Cassius:Check it out huh?!.This is what naked women looked like the month you were born.All right now let's dive right into the good stuff.
Cassius opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.
Phoebe:Oh okay I'm having another one!. This one doesn't hurt either Oh yes it does!.Ow!,Ow!,Ow!,Ow!,Oh!."Checks under blanket".Oh I was kinda hoping that was it.
Tabitha:Hey where are Monica and Rachel anyway?.
Cassius:Oh a couple of nurses asked them out.Maybe they're with them.
Chandler:Really?.Male nurses?.
Cassius:Yeah I was bummed too.
Chandler:So they're going on dates?.When?.
Cassius:I think Saturday
Joey groans in pain and I put my hand on his shoulder.
Frank:"To Phoebe".What's with him?.
Phoebe:Um sympathy pains.I thought it was really sweet at first but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.
Dr.Harad enters the room.
Dr.Harad:Okay!.
Phoebe:Hey.
Dr.Harad:Let's see what we got here.Oh y'know Fonzie dated triplets.
Chandler:This,this Fonzie person you keep referring too is that uh is that another doctor?.
Dr.Harad:Oh no,no,no.Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli.The Fonz.
Chandler:All right.
Dr.Harad leaves the room.
Frank:It's not that weird is it?.
Phoebe:It's very weird.I don't want some guy down there telling me I'm y'know dilatedamundo!.
Ross:To be fair he doesn’t seem to be impersonating Fonzie…
Phoebe:What are you doing?!.Why are you defending him?!.Just get me another doctor!.One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!.
Ross:Again it's not that he…
Phoebe fakes pain to get Ross looking for another doctor.
*****************************************
Later on Me and my husband Joey leave the elevator carrying gifts for the kids as we see Chandler and Monica.
Joey:Hey you guys!.Look what we found in the gift shop.
Joey doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.
Joey:Get up!,Get up!.Get up!
The old man waves him away....Later in another hospital room Joey has now been admitted Monica and Chandler are with us.
Doctor:Mr.Tribbiani I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.
Joey:Um well what else could it be?.
Doctor:It's kidney stones.
Joey:Or?.
Doctor:Kidney stones!.
Later on Me,Monica and Chandler are comforting Joey as the doctor is in the room.
Monica:Feeling a little better sweetie?.
Joey:Well maybe a little.I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Monica:Me too.
Tabitha:I believe it's normal for your condition babe.
Ross:"Enters".Hey!.I just heard.What's up?.
Doctor:Kidney stones.Now ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani we try to break up the stones up with shock waves but they're to close to the bladder now.Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra…
Joey:Whoa,whoa!.No,no,no,no,no nothing is going up!.Okay?.Up,up is not an option...what's a urethra?.
I whisper to my husband what it is.
Joey:Are you crazy?!.
Later on in Joey's room Monica and Chandler left and Joey is going thru his own contractions and has Ross in a headlock.
Joey:Oh get these things out of me!.
Ross:Breathe!,Breathe!,Breathe throw the pain.
Joey starts breathing hard and I give him a sad look.
Joey:I want the drugs Ross I want the drugs.
Joey starts rocking back and forth taking Ross with him.
Ross:I do too!,I do too!.
The men both groan.
Tabitha:Hun let go of Ross...Breathe in and out and count.
Joey does as i say and he looks at me as i guide him like he's in labor with a baby or something...Later on Joey's doctor starts speaking.
Doctor:Are you ready?.It's time to try peeing.
Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.
Doctor:Wait,wait,wait,wait,wait!.It's almost.time to try peeing.
He points at the bottle Joey is to pee into....And later Joey is recovering from the Kidney Stones.
Joey:Oh my God.
Ross:You did it man.
Doctor:Would you like to see them?."Hands him little jar".
Joey:They're so small.
Both Joey and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.
Tabitha:You know Babe this is good practise for when I'm pregnant and go into Labor.
Joey:"Smiles".Really?.
Tabitha:Yeah you basically was just in labor with kidney stones."Laughs".