Chapter 30 - The Chaos Inside Us
Zeldris stays for some longer but eventually there comes the time he has to leave. We sneak out of the window and climb onto the roof, just like the last time. He's leaving some hours earlier this time to make sure no one sees him.
"Remember to stay safe, okay?" he says softly and caresses my cheek.
I can't help but laugh. "There's only one danger and it's standing right in front of me."
Zeldris smirks and looks at me playfully. "You are into bad boys, hm?" he says in a rough and sexy voice and I bite my bottom lip, trying to resist the temptation right in front of me. Zeldris realizes the effect he has on me and laughs. "It's so easy to make you speechless, I should have known that way earlier."
"You make it really easy to say goodbye to you" I say and roll my eyes, freeing myself from his grip but he laughs once again and holds onto me tighter and pulls me back into his arms to hold me really close.
"Goodbye, Yami. Can't wait to see what outfit you'll wear the next time we meet" he says and winks.
"Oh my...!" I scold and hit him in the chest before freeing myself for good. "Goodbye, Zeldris" I say and cross my arms whilst giving him a judging look for his cheeky behaviour.
Zeldris laughs and spreads his wings. He looks so strong and powerful right now and I just stand there in awe. He smirks, winks at me and then leaves the place.
I climb back into my room, undress myself and climb under the sheets that still smell like Zeldris. I love it so much that a big smile forms on my lips when I close my eyes to enjoy the thought of him being so close to me. I remember every time he touched me and it almost feels like he still lets his hand wander along my body. I know things can't go on that way but for now, all I do is enjoy the moment.
I wake up just a few hours later, way before everyone else. The Boar Hat is still filled with silence. The morning sun shines through the window and bathes the room in warm orange and red tones. It's a little bit cold in the room because the window has been open for so long and I'm freezing a little.
I quickly grab my clothes and hurry to the bathroom to get ready for the next day, not knowing what's going to happen.
When I get downstairs, Meliodas is already behind the bar and cleans the few used mugs from last night. An unfamiliar silence fills the room when he looks up and our eyes meet.
"Hey Meliodas" I greet my friend and try to not show the astonishment over the clearly noticeable tension.
"Morning, Yami. You're up early" he says but his voice is cold and emotionless.
"Am I?" I ask confused and hope to loose up the mood because I don't know why Meliodas is acting kind of weird.
"Haven't you slept well? Or haven't you slept at all?" Meliodas asks me and basically derogatory spits out the last words of his sentence. I look at him startled but he's not done yet. "A special visit needs a lot of attention, especially if it stays that long, doesn't it?"
I just keep standing at my spot and try to understand what he's talking about but then it finally hits me. He knows that Zeldris has been here last night. "How do you..." I mumble and feel myself turn all pale.
"Maybe I should ask you why" says Meliodas with a voice as cold as ice. His eyes are narrowed to slits from which he looks at me furiously. At the same time, he slowly puts the clean mug and the dishtowel out of his hand. With his hands, he grips the edge of the counter and I hear his fingers dig into the wood as he tries to control himself. I have never seen him so angry and tense towards myself and it sends an ice cold shiver down my spine. "How can you be so stupid, Yami?" he scolds at me in a raised voice.
I swallow nervously and just stare at him. I am in a state of shock and it takes a few moments before I regain control of my body. With shaky legs, I join him behind the counter and grab his arm with shaky hands. I quickly pull him outside so we don't wake the others, because it would be the last thing I could use right now. I don't even know what to say and when I let go of his arm, I keep staring at him wordlessly while my thoughts roll over.
Meliodas, however, continues to glare at me through narrowed eyes and his whole body is tense with anger. He seems like a ticking time bomb and I'm afraid that just one more word from me will make this bomb explode. "Now finally say something!" he finally hisses at me and breaks the silence.
But I still don't know what to tell him. "How did you find out?" I finally mumble quietly.
"If you're going to meet the enemy, you shouldn't necessarily be doing it in my tavern! Did you seriously think I wouldn't find out about it? That I wouldn't notice that another one of us is still in the building? You know very well that we can sense the presence of other demons, so don't pretend it's a miracle that I know about you and Zeldris!"
"I didn't mean it like that ..." I mumble embarrassed, while the blushing of my cheeks is the only color my body is slowly getting back.
"Then finally tell me why?! You let him in here while our friends are here, too? How can you be so carelessly, Yami?! "
I'm finally starting to find my voice again when Meliodas begins to treat his brother completely unfair and makes me feel like I have to defend Zeldris. "He wasn't there for you!"
"But rather?" Meliodas is still more than just angry and lives up to his title as Dragon Sin of Wrath. He is not interested in knowing the truth, but is just letting his anger run free. Presumably, he doesn't know what to say, just like me and only speaks out what first comes to his mind.
I take a deep breath because I know that my words will only make this mess worse, whilst finally, I have to admit that the previous nights with Zeldris have been very real and that I have to face the consequences. "He was there because of me."
A contemptuous laugh escapes Meliodas' lips and he crosses his arms angrily. The way he faces me makes me very insecure because I've never seen him face me like this before. Actually, I've never seen him so arrogant without his demonic side showing up. "You don't seriously believe that, do you?" he snaps at me.
I immediately feel embarrassed and blush again. "Well, what do you think?" I mumble angrily.
"Yami, Zeldris is only using you! I know you like him, but we're talking about Zeldris after all!"
Slowly, my embarrassment gives way to an anger similar to the one I receive from Meliodas. Not only does my best friend treat me like a child, he also makes unfair claims. "He doesn't use me! He really was here for me! What do you think why he keeps showing up here? He didn't harm you or any of your friends! He was here because of me!"
"Damn it, Yami! When will you finally get it?! They're not just my friends anymore but yours too! And you have a responsibility for them!"
"I am aware of that!" I snap at him in the same rised voice that he uses against me.
"Obviously not! Did you forget that he wanted to kill me? Or that he wanted to kill Elizabeth? All that matters to him is winning this stupid war!"
"Stop it, Meliodas!" I yell at him and clench my hands into fists. The angrier I get, the more I feel the power simmering inside me. It boils in me just like my anger and is fighting against me to finally come to the surface and wreak havoc. Fighting against it and talking to Meliodas at the same time costs me tremendous strength. "Obviously he didn't kill either of you! And he wasn't here to do that either! He was really here because of me!"
Obviously, my tantrum took Meliodas by surprise. He takes a deep breath and I can see and feel how a part of his tension and anger leaves his body. "Yami... I know what Zeldris means to you. But he cannot be converted. After all, we're talking about Zeldris. He was raised with much more hatred and destructiveness than Estarossa and I. Nothing else but fathers instructions matter to him! You mean nothing to him! And if he acts any different around you, then it's only to get one step closer to his goal."
It only takes seconds for Meliodas last words to bring tears to my eyes. I don't know what I was expecting but to hear from my best friend's mouth that I wouldn't mean anything to Zeldris breaks all dams and hearts. All of a sudden, it feels like this strong connection that I had with Meliodas is gone. Angry at myself, I wipe the tears away with the back of my hand and look at him in disappointment. "You have no idea who your brother really is" I mumble angrily and already turn my back to Meliodas as I run back into the Boar Hat, up the stairs to my room and block the door.
Tears run down my face as all the emotions overwhelm me. It is Meliodas' words that cause tremendous pain. It still feels like my heart is breaking a little more with every second that passes. I feel like I'm bleeding to death from within.
He can't be right. He's not right. Zeldris really loves me.
Still, I can understand Meliodas. Zeldris threatened us several times, he tried to murder his brother and, in fact, he wouldn't hesitate for a second to try so again. But he didn't. He knows where we are but he didn't attack us. Even when we didn't know about him being here. And he held his comrades back for days.
The chaos inside me is getting bigger and bigger. I close my eyes for just a moment and feel the demonic power inside me trying to break free. It's like a curse that has been laid upon me. In my mind, I can see the chaos it would cause if I give in to it now. The option of just giving in is very tempting at the moment because I barely have the strength to keep fighting against all the chaos inside me. For just a moment, I would like to release some of the tension.
But instead, I take a deep breath and open my eyes again. The room is still in perfect order and I can almost feel how disappointed the power inside me is that I haven't given myself to them. That is how Meliodas must have felt when he was still the leader of the Ten Commandments. This desire for annihilation sits deep within us and fighting against it is a lifelong struggle.
So I sit there and think about the current situation with Zeldris. I can no longer run away and really have to deal with the subject.
I know the danger posed by Zeldris. But there is more. Even when he couldn't remember me, there was something between us that neither of us could understand. He didn't pull a hair at me. But at the same time he attacked Meliodas and Elizabeth. If it weren't for me, he'd hurt the two of them again without batting an eye.
All of a sudden, I realize it. My eyes widen when I finally understand what neither of us recognized before. Zeldris doesn't hate his brother, he cares about him! The same anger that spoke from Meliodas and me just a few minutes ago, is what leads Zeldris' actions. Only his anger goes much deeper, because it has raged in him for over 4,000 years.
He didn't try to kill Elizabeth. He was angry with her because he blamed her for Meliodas' actions. He must have thought that she died in the battle but when Fraudrin discovered Liz in Danafall, he must have found out about the curse and told Zeldris. To see that it was true must have made Zeldris incredibly angry. He wanted to show Elizabeth how much she influenced his brother and the life he's living.
Zeldris cares about Meliodas and he can only be so angry because he's still worried.
I have to get out of here, is suddenly my only thought. I feel an inner restlessness and the urge to talk to Zeldris immediately.
I only realize that I have no idea where to go after I've flown a few meters. I have no idea where Zeldris and his group are and just showing up would be the stupidest thing I could do anyway. But the urge to talk to Zeldris just doesn't let go of me. I could fly in the wrong direction right now without realizing it because, as you know, I can only sense another demon when he's just a few kilometers away from me.
Still, I just keep wandering through the landscapes of Britania, unable to calm down.
2288 words.
A/N: I'm sorry for any errors. This was by far the hardest chapter to write and I can't count all the times I've re-written it. Hope you still like it!