Kabanata 22
Please
"Amaia," Ric called me.
It was a usual morning day. A good one... for some reason. Maaga akong nagising, at naiinis ako dahil maganda ang gising ko kanina.
Naiinis ako dahil alam ko kung ano ang dahilan.
But of course, as expected medyo nilagnat nga ako. Uminom naman na ako ng gamot kanina kaya alam kong mawawala din 'to. Though, my headaches a bit.
"Yes?" I turned to him.
We're now at the cafeteria. Clearing our heads after our long quiz.
Kinamot niya ang batok niya at nahihiyang ngumiti.
"Paano bang..." He bit his lower lip and looked at me straight from the eyes. "Manligaw?"
My eyes widened.
"H-ha?"
He chuckled because of my reaction.
"Ang sabi ko... Paano bang manligaw?" He looked around, nahihiya atang may makarinig sa kanya.
I looked at him from head to toe.
"Seriously?"
Is he seriously asking me that?
But why?
Manliligaw siya?
"Sino ang liligawan mo?" I asked.
Namula ang tenga niya at agad na nag-iwas ng tingin. "Hindi ako ang manliligaw, 'yung kaibigan ko." Aniya.
I raised a brow.
Talaga?
I rested on my seat as I looked at him straightly, habang nakataas ang isang kilay.
"Tell your friend that..." mas tumaas ang kilay ko nang mabilis siyang lumingon sa akin. "If he'll court someone. He should know what that girl wants."
Masusi siyang nakikinig habang sinasabi ko 'yon. Kaya naman may pakiramdam talaga ako na hindi ang kaibigan niya ang tinutukoy niya.
"Ano pa?"
"Hmm..." niliitan ko ang mata ko na para bang seryoso akong nag-iisip ng mga advice.
I don't really know how guys do it. But the things that I'm saying to him now is based on my perception. 'Yung bang... iyon ang paraan para mapasagot nila kaming mga babae.
I don't know.
Wala pa namang gumagawa sa akin no'n.
Well, I wished to, back then.
I usually envied Magnum when someone is courting her, sending her gifts and flowers back then. Naiinggit ako dahil doon, but I don't have any hatred against her, I hate myself for feeling it 'cuz she's my friend, I shouldn't felt that kind of thing.
But now, something has changed. I can't point out what is the reason of it but... it is strange cuz I'm not seeking anymore for that thing. Hindi ko ka rin masyadong iniisip ang tungkol sa mga bagay na yon.
Maybe staying here makes me a little bit matured. And maybe that 'what is the reason' is not really the real question.
It's... who is the reason?
If that's the case then alam ko na pala.
"Ano na? Ang tagal." Naiinip na singhal ni Ric.
"Just do his best. In fact kung gusto din naman siya ng girl, hindi na siya papahirapan no'n. If nagtagal 'yung panliligaw niya at hindi pa siya sinagot..." Sinadya kong bitinin ang sasabihin ko.
"Ano?" Nakitaan ko ng kaba ang mga mata niya.
I shrugged. "I don't know."
May pag-aalinlangan ang mata niya hanggang sa bigla siyang tumayo.
"Saan ka pupunta?" I asked.
"Bibili lang ako ng tubig." Aniya.
Nauhaw ata?
"Okay," I whispered and sipped on my water.
"May papabili ka ba?" Aniya. "Ang putla mo, ah! May sakit ka?"
Ngayon lang niya napansin.
I shrugged.
He didn't say a thing and turned away.
I smirked.
Obviously, he's the one that will court someone.
Sino naman kaya ang babaeng 'yon?
My eyes drifted to the entrance of the cafeteria. Then I saw Bea looking around, searching for me, probably.
Kakaway na sana ako pero huli na dahil nakita na niya ako.
She smirked and started to walk towards here.
I smiled widely. Hindi ko alam, pero mukhang maganda ang mood namin parehas.
"Hi," She started. "Mukhang ang saya mo, ah?"
I shrugged.
He narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. "Hmm... Mukhang alam ko na kung bakit."
I cleared my throat.
"Ikaw? Mukhang masaya ka din, ah?" I tried to change the topic.
"Bakit sa akin napunta ang tanong? Eh, ako 'tong naunang magtanong sa 'yo."
I rolled my eyes. "Sabi mo alam mo na, eh."
Her eyes widened and sat in front of me.
"So 'yon nga ang dahilan?"
I frowned.
"What do you mean 'yon ang dahilan?"
She groaned. "We both know what is it, Amaia!"
I chuckled seeing her reaction. I sipped on my water again and looked away.
"What's that?" She smirked at me. "Kayo na ba?"
I almost choke the moment I heard her say that.
"Ano?!" Singhal ko.
Tumaas ang kilay niya.
"Hinanap kita kahapon sa klase niyo para sana sabay tayong umuwi dahil wala akong kasama. Pero sabi ng kaklase mo... umabsent ka daw at nakipag-date."
Napataas din ang kilay ko. Sino naman kaya ang sinungaling na nagsabi non?
Yes, I'm meeting Gen but that is not definitely a date! Apology meeting nga dapat kung natuloy, pero hindi naman. Pero wala namang nakakaalam do'n kaya bakit sinabi ng kaklase ko 'yon?
Pero... maybe I should explain it to her. Wala naman na akong matatagong sikteto sa kanya dahil halos lahat ata ng kilos ng mga nakakasama niya, alam niya.
I should say it to her since I don't want to add another lie. Besides it's not a big deal lalo na't hindi naman siya pumunta.
"Kikitain ko sana si Gen kahapon kaso-"
"Date nga!"
I gritted my teeth.
I calmed myself down before I started to explain again.
"It's not a date. Magsosorry dapat ako dahil..." Nag-iwas ako ng tingin.
I don't want to tell it toher.
"May nagawa akong hindi maganda sa kanya. Pero!" Magsasalita sana siya pero inunahan ko ka. "Hindi naman siya sumipot kaya it's not a date, well... it's not really a date in the first place," I explained.
I just hope that she understands it.
Mapanuri pa rin ang mata niya, handa na sana akong magsalita ulit pero bigla siyang ngumiti ng malawak.
"Okay!" She exclaimed.
I sighed.
Mabuti naman kung naintindihan niya. But... naintindihan nga ba niya?
"Teka lang... Sabi mo wala kang kasabay? So umuwi kang mag-isa?"
I bit my lower lip.
I felt guilty knowing that thing. Minsan kasi ay nagsasabay kaming umuwi kapag nagkasundo ang sched namin, sinusundo niya ako sa room tulad ng sinabi niya kanina.
"Of course... not!" She exclaimed.
"So may kasabay ka?"
"Meron." Aniya at nag-iwas ng tingin.
Tumango ako. Gumaan ang pakiramdam ko sa sinabi niya.
Nahagip ng mata ko si Ric na palabas ng cafeteria.
Bigla akong may naisip.
Oo nga pala, medyo- hindi... galit nga pala si Ric dito kay Bea. Bea Hindi napansin ni Bea ang pag-alis ni Ric dahil nasa likod niya ang entrance.
I promise Ric that I'll not tell to Bea what we've talked about the other day. Hindi ko naman sasabihin talaga kay Bea 'yon, but maybe I can do something for them. As I said, hindi talaga ako sanay na ganito sila. I know that they're close, hindi nga lang 'yung parang magkasundo na close kundi 'yung palagi silang nag-aaway, to the point na parang kapag hindi sila nag-away, doon sila hindi magkasundo.
"Nakita mo ba si Ric?" I asked her as acted as if I'm looking for Ric.
"Hindi." Simple niyang sagot.
"Oh! Kasama ko siya kanina at sabi niya may bibilin lang, pero hindi na bumalik, bakit kaya?"
She shrugged. I sighed. She looks as if she doesn't really care.
Sa huli sumuko na rin ako dahil mukha talagang walang pakielam 'tong si Bea.
I sighed.
Sana ay magkaayos din sila one day.
I frowned.
What about me and Gen? Ayos na ba kami?
Well... I think so.
Nakapagsorry na ako sa kanya at sa tingin ko iyon na ang huli naming pag-uusap unless nagkita kami or something.
Medyo binabagabag nga lang ako kung magkita kami. I don't know, maybe my feelings for him isn't over yet.
Maybe, huh?
Talaga, Amaia?
Obviously, that is definitely the reason. The way I acted last night was so stupid. Kung napansin man 'yon ni Gen... of course napansin niya! At iyon ang nakakahiyang pangyayari sa buhay ko maliban noong una ko siyang nakita na nagbubuhat ng sako. Oh! That day! Naalala ko na naman 'yon. But he said that he didn't saw me doing it, right? Yes, of course.
I found myself smirking.
I frowned when I realized that I was acting stupid now.
"Ano 'yan? Bakit ngumingiti ka na ng mag-isa?"
Sumeryoso ang mukha ko at tinignan siya.
"Nothing," I said.
Tumaas ang isang sulok ng labi niya. "Nothing na naman." Aniya.
I smiled sarcastically.
You see?
Wala talaga akong matatago sa kanya.
After dismissal, I decided that I should try to commute on my own. Masyado na akong umaasa kay Ric at mukhang nakakaabala na din ako. Naisip ko rin na dapat matuto na akong magcommute mag-isa. I mean, sanay naman talaga akong mag-commute lalo na'g palagi ko 'yung ginagawa sa Manila pero dito...
Simula noong insidente na 'yon. Medyo natakot din ako dahil hindi ko naman ineexpect na ganoon ang mangyayari.
Isa pa, may liligawan din si Ric. Baka ano pa isipan ng liligawan niya kapag nakita nigang magkasabay kami. Yes, I already concluded that he's the one who'll court, obvious naman kasi.
Nang makalabas ng university ay agad akong nagtungo sa waiting shed. Walang masyadong studyante ang palakad-lakad ngayon dahil hindi pa dismissal ng iba.
Maayos na din ang pakiramdam ko di tulad kanina. Mabilis lang naman talagang matanggal ang lagnat ko nun pa man. Basta't uminom lang ako ng gamot at maraming tubig.
I was about to take a seat but I suddenly saw Gen somewhere not far from here. He was leaning against his expensive car while crossing his arms. He was looking here!
Naudlot tuloy ang pag-upo ko.
Kahit hindi niya sabihin ay alam kung gusto niya akong lumapit doon base sa tingin niya dito. I looked around first after I decided to walk towards there. Mabuti na lang talaga at kaunti pa lang ang tao.
"Bakit ka nandito?"
Umayos siya ng tayo nang nakalapit ako.
"Napadaan lang." He answered.
Talaga?
Hindi ako naniniwala.
Tumaas ang isang kilay niya. Pansin ata ang hindi pagsang-ayon ng tingin ko sa sagot niya.
"What?"
"I didn't believe you," I said that I regretted after.
Kakapagsorry ko lang kahapon, eh.
"Why? Ano sa tingin mo ang ginagawa ko dito?" He raised a brow na para bang naghahamon.
Maybe, you are seeing your girlfriend or something. Bakit pa kelangan pang ilihim kung iyon din ang dahilan?
I glared at him. Nagseryoso ang mukha niya nang makitang masama ang tingin ko sa kanya.
Lumambot ang ekspresyon ko.
I looked away. I wanted to answer him but I didn't want to lead it to something bad before. Now, I'm doing my best to watch my words and take care of them. I'm not going to be reckless again.
"Forget it." I was about to turn away but I stayed when he said something.
"Alright, I'm here because I want see you."
Literal na tumigil ang paghinga ko dahil sa narinig.
"Bakit? Masama ba 'yon?" Walang pag-aalinlangan niyang tanong.
"A-ano?" I wanted to congratulate myself because I managed to say something even if it sounds stupid.
But I think it's a natural reaction if we're totally shocked, right?
"Gusto kitang makita kaya nagpunta ako dito. Masama ba 'yon?"
My heart pounded harshly. Agad akong nakaramdam ng kung anong malikot sa sikmura ko habang nakikipagtitigan kay Gen.
Uminit ang pisngi ko. Babalik pa ata ang lagnat ko dahil sa kanya!
I frowned and looked away. Bigla akong nainis.
"Stop saying something stupid. Umuwi ka na." I said.
Why is he doing those things?
Why is he saying that?
May girlfriend siya, 'di ba?
"Something stupid?" He sounded offended.
Bigla akong kinabahan dahil sa takot na magalit na naman siya sa akin.
Pero bakit naman siya magagalit? Dapat ako ang magalit dito dahil sa mga pinagsasasabi niya.
"Umuwi ka na, Gen." I said in a serious way.
His jaw was aggressively moving now. He looked somewhere behind me, nagdilim ang mata niya.
I was very distracted because of Gen that I didn't even notice someone is calling me from behind.
"Amaia!"
Napalingon ako sa tumatawag sa akin. It's Justin.
His smiles are wide as he looked at me. Hindi nawala ang mga ngiti niya nang sulyapan si Gen.
"Hi, Gen!"
I didn't dare to look at Gen even if I am very tempted to see his reaction.
"Bakit, Justin?" Si Gen.
Umigting ang panga ko dahil ako dapat ang magtatanong niyan.
"Wala naman." His eyes glowed as he looked at me. "Tatanungin ko lang sana si Amaia kung may sasakyan siya, eh."
"Meron na." Si Gen.
Mabilis akong lumingon kung nasaan siya.
He glared at me.
"Ah, gano'n ba?"
Binalik ko ang tingin ko kay Justin. He looks sad now but he smiles when he saw that I'm looking at him.
"Actually... I don't have." I said to him. "Kanina pa ako naghihintay ng sasakyan pero wala namang dumadating." I lied.
Nanlaki ang mata niya samantalang hindi ko pinansin ang nasa likod kong si Gen. I didn't care, though. Naiinis ako sa kanya dahil... tama bang sabihin niya sa akin 'yon kung may girlfriend siya?
I am very guilty back then because of what I did to him. Dahil nadala lang ako ng reaksyon at nararamdaman ko no'n, isa pa... I didn't remember if he did something to offend me that day. Ako ang may pagkakamali noong araw na 'yon.
I just assume that he's lying to me back then. Na pinaglalaruan niya lang ang nararandaman ko.
But this day is different. I know.
I know those moves and words.
At hindi tamang sabihin 'yon sa iba lalo na't kung may karelasyon ka na.
Kaya naman hindi ko talaga magawang hindi mainis. Pero may parte sa akin na nasasaktan dahil ano namang dahilan kung bakit niya ginagawa 'yon.
Is he playing with me? Alam ba niyang may gusto ako sa kanya kaya niya 'to ginagawa?
I suddenly remembered his girlfriend. I am sure that she doesn't know about this... dahil kung alam man niya sigurado akong wala na sila ngayon.
"Talaga?!"
I nodded.
Alam ko naman na gusto niya akong sumabay sa kanya. I'm trying to prove a point earlier that I should learn how to be independent but for now... I should come with Justin.
It's much better than dealing with Gen.
He's the problem that I wanted to deal with so badly but I'm scared about what will be the output of it.
I don't even want to think of it. It scares me.
"Sige sumabay ka na lang sa akin, kung gano'n!"
I smiled. Lumingon ako kay Gen at nakita kong seryoso siyang nakatingin sa akin. I also smiled at him.
"Umuwi ka na, Gen..." Pagtataboy ko sa kanya. "Sige, aalis na 'ko." I smiled again, but it probably doesn't reach my eyes and I know that it looks kinda sad.
Yes, I smiled because I'm sad. Nalulungkot ako dahil sa ginagawa niya.
I saw that he suddenly paused until his expression softened.
Huminga siya ng malalim.
"Sige, uuwi na 'ko."
You should.
"Gaya ng gusto mo."
Bahagya akong natigilan.
"Take care..." Halos pabulong niyang sinabi na tinanguan ko lang.
Tinitigan ko siya ng huling beses habang nakatingin naman siya sa akin. He looks concerned now that made my heartbeat fasts. Hindi ko 'yon kinayanan kaya mabilis ding nag-iwas ng tingin.
I turned away and walked with Justin.
I didn't dare to look back or something. And to know that he was probably looking at my back, it made me uncomfortable for some reason hanggang sa nakapunta na kami ni Justin sa motor niya.
That incident never left my mind. Hanggang sa nakauwi na ako. I was thinking deeply about that when I saw my grandmother holding her phone outside of the house. Yes, she has a phone.
She was talking to someone when she saw me.
She smiled.
"'Eto na pala si Amaia, eh." Aniya.
I smiled. I have a feeling about who she's talking to.
She handed me her phone that I immediately took. She went inside of our house sa hindi ko alam na dahilan.
"Auntie."
"Amaia," I have a feeling that she's smiling widely now. "How was your school today?" She asked.
"It's okay," I answered.
I remember Gen and our interaction earlier.
"Ok, that's good. Anyway, itatry kong umuwi dyan next month, titignan ko kung may time ako at para mabisiya ko naman kayo ni mama... at 'yung Sta. Valeria." She cleared her throat.
I frowned.
"Really?"
She chuckled. "Of course, but as I said, I'll try. Hindi pa sure 'yon but I'll try to do my best."
She sighed.
"I really really miss you so much, guys. Lalo na si mama, ang tagal ko ring hindi nakita 'yan."
I smiled.
This is the reason why I love her so much. And why it's hard to abandon her when I have a chance back then, it's not that I have a plan to.
"Kami din." I said.
I gave the phone to Lola when auntie Jenna said to. Agad akong nagtungo sa kwarto at inayos ang sarili bago lumabas. I'll cook dinner for us, kausap pa kasi ni lola si auntie kaya baka matagalan siya.
Minsan pa naman nag-uusap ang dalawang 'yon.
I was cooking when my phone vibrated. Ramdam ko 'yon dahil nasa bulsa 'yon ng shorts ko.
Kinuha ko 'yon at chineck kung sino ang nagtext.
Kinabahan ako bigla nang makitang kay Isabelo-Gen galing ang mensahe na 'yon.
Isabelo:
I'm sorry if I offended you earlier.
Isabelo:
I hope we can talk about it.
I gasped.
Why do we need to talk about it?
Siguro narealize niya 'yung pagkakamali niya?
Ako:
No need, Gen.
Ako:
There's no need to talk about it.
I sent it.
We obviously need to talk about it, but I don't want him to think that it bothers me until now. Mahirap na at baka makahalata siya.
Isabelo:
Just one more time.
I gritted my teeth as I read his reply. I was about to type that we don't really need to talk about it but then he sent another message for me.
Isabelo:
Can we meet again, tomorrow?
Bigla akong naalerto. I assumed that we're just gonna talk throughout our phones but I didn't expect that he actually wants us to meet!
Para saan?
This thing really bothers him so much, huh?
But why?
Bakit sobrang affected siya sa bagay na 'to? Yes, I'm affected but I didn't know na affected din pala siya. Dahil sa tingin ko, para sa kanya, wala naman kwenta ang bagay na 'yon.
I'm asking a lot of questions, but I guess I will never know the answers if I'm asking myself. Hindi ko naman ang dahilan, ang nakakaalam lang ay siya.
My phone vibrated one more time.
Isabelo:
Please...
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-jazwritee