I stood before the kitchen counter, reading out he the recipe for the second time, re-reading the process before turning to the stove and beginning my cooking.
Vegetable Antipasto plate with an eggplant dip sauce, stuffed shells with marinara with turkey meatballs cooked along with it and piadina with Tortellini soup.
"Hey Bertie." I smiled looking at the man who was sitting in the living room sofa on his phone.
"Sí, signora?" He asked swiftly walking over to the kitchen.
"Can you get on the phone with Capo Bestone and kindly inform him that I am making dinner?" I smile.
"Signora, I don't think he'll be coming over to the penthouse-"
"Call him." I gently order. "Tell him, I am making dinner. I'll be done in fifteen minutes."
Bertie sighed and tapped his phone. "I'll get him on the call, signora."
I nodded. "Will you be staying for dinner."
"If Capo Bestone comes over, I'll leave you alone." The man smiled tight lipped.
"Then I'll pack you dinner." I smiled.
I think I catch a hint of smile on the stern man's face but it quickly disappears as he walks back to the living room.
I finish the bread and keep the rest plated dishes in the oven to keep it warm and put Bertie's share on a plastic container so he can carry it home or wherever he stays.
"I could get used to this." I hear Angelo's voice. Turning, I see his well built form leaning against the kitchen pillar. "You look good."
"Why, thank you, Capo Bestone." I purse my lips. "Would you like to eat first or freshen up?"
"I'd shower." He says. "Alberto is dismissed for the night."
"Well that's lovely." I say. "I packed him food."
After Angelo retrieves to the shower, I give Bertie a goodbye wave and hand him his food container and tell him to buy some hood wine on the way home.
Meanwhile, I set up the table with placemats, silverware, bring out a bottle of dry white from the fridge and place two wine glasses along with water on the table, finally taking off my apron and placing it on the counter, pulling my hair out of the clip and shaking my small mane.
Angelo joins in when I am pulling out the already set up plates from the oven.
"Smells heavenly." He says pausing on the way to his chair to grab my chin, tilt my face back to seal a owning kiss on my mouth. "Makes me hungry."
I roll my eyes mentally.
Blaire owes me. Big fucking time, she does.
Angelo was dressed in a fitted grey T-shirt, cotton white pajama and the towel he used to dry his hair hanging from his neck.
I place the bowl and saucer of soup sided with bread in front of him along with the main dish and place the appetizer plate in the centre of the table.
"It's been some time you've cooked for me." He saying picking up his soup spoon and dipping into the bowl. "I rather love you putting a tiny effort on us, Ariel."
"As I love you putting a micron of effort on us, Angelo." I say masking my insult with a smile. "But- sadly I've been searching for your efforts, I don't find it."
"Are we fighting again, Ariel?" He sighs putting the spoon on his saucer. "If you've already planned out the end of our dinner, forgive me but, I am not interested ending up being the centre of your madness."
"We are not fighting." I reassure. "Don't worry."
"I hate to fight, Ariel." He says reaching for the hand that rested on the table.
I debate of I should move mine away, but I let him hold it nevertheless.
"I hate to fight to, Angelo." I whisper. "But you make it so hard."
He sighs.
"I wish you'd just talk." I add. "Just acknowledge that we- this-" I gesture between us. "It's not okay, it's not normal."
He sighs.
"We don't say I love yous or stay whenever the other one gets up in the morning, we skirt around our issues, we don't talk about anything, we just- fuck." I say.
He stays silent.
"I lost a baby." I whisper. "The only remains of him I have is a damn ultra sound- and you." I whisper out, tears threatening to leak out of my eyes. "I know it wasn't how it was supposed to be, we weren't seeing each other, we barely liked each other, there was no love, no settling down, no family, no nothing between us but you can't deny that of was your flesh, Angelo."
"I am not doing this, Ariel." He says wiping his lips with the napkin and dropping it on the table. "I am done, I knew coming here was a bad idea."
"Just say once, you're sorry that you hurt to."
"Fine." He sighs. "I am sorry. I hurt as well."
I break down crying after his emotionless, careless apology.
Angelo leaves the dinner table.
Like always.
I push my plate away, folding my arms on the table, bury my head between them, and cry.
"Tadpole." I hear his voice. Gentle and soothing. "Baby-"
"Go away." I whisper. "Leave me alone."
He does.
Like always.
Like every damn time.
I dry my eyes, refusing to be a damsel and put the food in the fridge pad toward the guestroom downstairs and make the bed for myself, turning off the light, I lay down.
Sleep doesn't come to me.
I keep replaying our conversation from tonight. Over and over.
How cold and distantly he said he was sorry and he hurt.
Why is it so hard to accept for him?
Why?
I bite my lip, blinking the tears away from my eyes, a hand subconsciously landing on my stomach.
Silent.
How I wish life was different right now.
I am not materialistic person. I have no care for extreme money, just enough to get my days going.
My dreams were simple since I realised what love is. Even though I'd portray a strong person to the world, I knew what I was on the inside.
A softie. A hopeless romantic at heart. Hearts and flowers was what I wanted.
I've always imagined myself, married, staying at the least crowded part of the city in small but big enough house to call it a happy place. I sit on my office and write away hopelessly sob-romantic dramas.
I'd have a loving husband who'd come home for dinner and play with the kids before I set their table and after our dinner we'd talk about our day over wine and songs and kisses and bury ourselves in our love.
Some people will show their displeasure over my dream, some will laugh and curse me saying I was degrading myself as a women. That's the thing, people judge.
To me, my dream was my happy place.
Being grown up in a very unhealthy and unhappy home void of any love but money, I realised, the idea of love was different to every other people.
My mother was- is a famous fashion designer. She spent all her days working for her own company and paid no heed to my development and growth. I grew up taken care of, by different nannies at different day, nullified of any touch of love and care.
My dad is a businessman, working day and night for his factories, sealing deals, earning fat money.
The only time my mother and father was active as parents in my life is when I danced.
As a young dancer of both famous and rich parents, I nailed some pretty big shows.
My teacher starred to put me to more work watching my success. I gladly took it because it earned my mother's and father's attention.
At fourteen, I was titled as a ballerina. At fourteen, I completed most of the dance shows and programs and competitions all over the country.
And then at sixteen I ran from home after one particular night when my mother verbally assaulted my father saying I was the cause of their fallout.
My sixteen year old self believed it and I ran away stayed with friends going back forth from couch to couch and finally finding an older lady living alone, in a shoddy apartment complex.
I took up nannying, worked jobs to jobs to put food on my mouth and pay rent to the older lady and finally at seventeen with my dance certificates, I started teaching ballet at the school, at nineteen, I started working at the club.
A little shy of twenty, I met Angelo.
And maybe I've let myself advance emotionally a little bit more then I should have.
And when I found out I was expecting, I was happy. You could say, I was happy.
And then I was scared.
And then everything broke.
I feel rough hand cover mine resting in my stomach, Angelo's cheek resting on top of my head before he places a kiss on my hair.
"Tadpole." He sighs.
"I'd like to be alone, Angelo." I whisper in the dark. "Please."
"Let me stay, baby."
"Leave me, Angelo." I whisper.
He doesn't, he pulls me more close to his body flushing my back side go his front. "Let me stay with you."
"Why do you do this?" I ask. "Why? We aren't even in a bond, then why?"
"Can we just sleep?"
"Whatever, Angelo." I whisper wiping my tears away my eyes. "Don't touch my stomach."
"Baby-"
"No." I whisper. "Off limits, Angelo. Move your hand."
He does, wrapping them around my shoulders instead.
"I'll meet up with Blaire at the inn again tomorrow." I inform him. "We'll go swimming."
"Sure." He says. "Whatever helps you, tadpole."
"You wouldn't be there, would you?"
"I'll be leaving for Greece for a while." He sighs. "Work stuff and then to Russia."
"Oh." I breathe, biting my lip. "Work."
"Yes, I'll be over three weeks or so, you'll have Alberto over and helping you out to your trips."
"Sure." I reply. Couldn't help bit feeling a nudge of disappointment rake though my body. "How long will you be?" I ask, staring off, in the darkness, even though he's told me how long he will be.
"Three weeks." He repeated. I place my hand over his. "Will you miss me baby?" There is a teasing undertone in his voice.
I shake my head.
"Too bad." He sighs. "I thought of bringing something for you, but since you won't miss me-"
"Are you bribing me?" I whisper feeling teary eyed.
I don't like being away from him but at the same time, I can't stand him.
"Oh baby." He chuckles. "I could never."
I turn to face him, finger tips tracing his lips down his chin. "I love you here." I whisper tracing the small scar on his chin, probably an accident from late teem shaving.
I lean up and place a kiss on his his bearded chin.
"Can't live without me, can't live with me, can you Ariel?" He chuckles. "Adamant to change every hair on my head."
I feel my lip tremble placing my forehead against his chin.
Angelo sighs untangling himself from me. "My flight leaves at four. I have to pack-"
"Be safe." My voice almost inaudible.
Why am I like this?
Why does he make me so damn weak?
Angelo asses the moment for a while. Me laying in the bed, in my side, facing away from him.
And then he leaves.
When I wake up it's after nine thirty.
Sighing I wash my face and do my morning routine in the bathroom before I dress myself in a two piece swim ware, covering it with an off shoulder high slit beach dress and slip my feet in my slippers.
"Are you ready, Signora Ariel?" Bertie asks, standing himself outside of the master bedroom as I spray a puff of perfume on my wrists rubbing them together.
"Yes, Bertie." I smile. "Let's go, we'll stop on the way for breakfast. My treat."
Bertie follows me outside the penthouse barking orders to soldiers to guard the place as we step into the car.
"Do you have any idea why the sudden Greece and Russia plan?" I ask Bertie from the back seat.
"Confidential, I am afraid, Signora." Bertie says. "I'm not allowed to open my mouth on my boss's behind, I hope you understand."
"Of course." I sigh. "There is no danger looming over, is there?" I add.
Bertie sighs, it's not playful however it answers my question.
____________________________________
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
so, that all for today, I can't update for a second time. Sowey. A bit busy with family and studies at the moment. But hopefully we'll get back in schedule. Love. xoxo
-November