-November 6th 1997-
At Central Perk we are watching Ross and a blonde woman who are standing outside.
Phoebe:Hey what are you guys looking at?.
Chandler:Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
Phoebe:Yeah come to papa.
The woman walks away and Ross walks inside and we all stare at him in disbelief.
Ross:I know!.
Monica:Probably the only time I'll ever say this but did you see the ass on her?.
Chandler:Where did you when did you, how did you...
Joey hits the back of Chandler's head.
Chandler:How did you get a girl like that?.
Rachel:Yeah so what is she like a...like a spokesmodel or an aerobics instructor what?.
Ross:Actually she's a paleontology doctoral candidate specializing in the centazoic era.
Chandler:Okay but that's like the easiest era.
Ross:I've seen her at work but I always figured ahuh?.But uh I made her dinner. We had a great time.And we're going out again tomorrow.
Rachel:Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Ross:Fine by me hope she wins.
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At Monica and Rachel's.Me,Joey,Ross,Rachel and Phoebe are there.Chandler enters.
Chandler:Hi.You guys have any wrapping paper?.
Phoebe:Oh!.Is it for my birthday present?.
Chandler:Phebes it was your birthday like months ago.
Phoebe:Yeah but remember you said you ordered something special and it just hasn't come yet?.
Chandler:Well I have a call in about that.
Phoebe:Kay.
Chandler:Actually this is for Kathy's birthday.It's an early edition of her favorite book.
Rachel:Oh The Velveteen Rabbit!.Oh my God when the boy's love makes the rabbit real!.
Chandler:Okay but don't touch it because you fingers have destructive oils.
Rachel:Huh.Well then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair.So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?.
Chandler:Oh it wasn't a big deal.I just went to a couple of bookstores talked to a couple of dealers...called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Rachel:Oh honey that's so sweet.
Phoebe:Yeah and what a great way to say I secretly love you,roommate's girlfriend!.
Chandler:It doesn't say that.Does it?.
Ross:How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Cassius gives her an orange?.
Chandler:Okay all right I'll just uh make sure that uh Cassius gets her something really great.
Phoebe:It's gotta be better than that book. Oh.Like a crossbow!.
Monica is entering from her bedroom, talking on the phone.
Monica:"Into Phone".Yeah once again I am sorry.Thank you.Bye."Hangs up".I just had to turn down a job catering a funeral for sixty people.
Rachel:Oh my God!.What happened?.
Monica:Sixty guests.
Tabitha:So uh why did you have to turn it down?.
Monica:Because I don't have the money or the equipment to handle something that big on such short notice.I mean there's no way.
Phoebe:Wow what is with all the negativity?.You sound like Monican't not Monican......Monica.Look you know you have been playing around with this catering thing for over three years.Do you want to be a caterer or not?.
Monica:I don't know.
Phoebe:There you go that's the spirit!.Okay!.Now if you need money I will lend you money but just get moving!.
Monica:Really?.Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Phoebe:Okay!.It's worth it if it will get you moving.You haven't worked in months.
Monica:Well you're not working either.
Phoebe:Yes but I'm doing this.
Monica:Yeah that'd be great!.Thank you!.
Cassius and Kathy enter.
Cassius:Hey!
Everyone:Hey.
Kathy:Can I borrow the keys to your apartment?.
Cassius:Why?.
Kathy whispers something in Cassius's ear.
Cassius:You can pee here.
Kathy:Ahahaha...haha..yes I can of course. Excuse me.
Chandler:It's okay, the duck's using our bathroom anyway.
Kathy goes into the bathroom.
Chandler:Hey Cas!.What are you getting Kathy for her birthday?.
Cassius:We've only been going out for a couple of weeks do you think I gotta get her something?.
Everyone:Yeah!.
Joey:Yes you have to get her something, and it should be something really nice.
Tabitha:Yeah I still have everything Joey gave me since before we got married.
Cassius:Oh I know...
Rachel:And not one of your coupons for an hour of Cassies Love.
Joey:Yeah."Smirks".
Tabitha:Joey."Chuckling".If your thinking what I know your thinking please drop it.
Joey:"Sadly".Its been days!.
Tabitha:Well tough.
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At Monica and Rachel's Me,Joey and Rachel are hanging out as Chandler enters.
Chandler:Okay all right.I just spent the entire afternoon looking for a present for Kathy that would be better than the rabbit.
Rachel:Any luck?.
Chandler:Oh yeah.Yeah I found this great place called Invisible things for Kathy."Motions to an imaginary pile of presents next to him".Can you give me a hand with all this stuff?.
Rachel:All right look.Why don't you just return the book let Cassius give her the clock pen and you give her something worse than that.Like... a regular pen.
Chandler:She's really going to love this you know?.The bottom line is I want her to have it even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her.
Rachel:Aw honey that's so sweet.
Chandler:Yeah?.You don't think it's just pathetic?.
Rachel:Oh!.Pathetic!."Grabs the crossword puzzle and starts writing".
Tabitha:It would be pathetic if you didn't think that way.
Joey:I agree with my wife.
Cassius:"Entering".Hey!.I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes!.I've been looking all over for you!.
Chandler:Where?.
Cassius:Our place,the hall!.
Chandler:I got something for her.
Cassius picks up the package shakes it next to his ear not hearing anything so he switches ears and shakes it again.
Chandler:It's a book!
Cassius:A book?...Is it like a book that's also a safe?.
Chandler:No it's a book that's just a book okay?.It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit.It was her favorite book as a kid.So uh just...let me know if she likes it okay?.
Cassius:You got it.Thanks man.Thanks for doing this I owe you one.
Cassius leaves but comes back in.
Cassius:Oh hey!.There wasn't any change from that twenty was there?.
Chandler:No it came out to an even twenty.
Cassius:Wow.That's almost as much as a new book."Leaves".