- October 10th 1996-
At Monica and Rachel's everyone is here and we are watching TV as I sit next to Joey at the kitchen table.
(???:Welcome everybody welcome to Amazing Discoveries!.)
Phoebe:Oh,oh!.It's on again!.
Me and Joey get up and walk over.
Joey:You guys can we please not watch this all right.
Everyone but Tabitha:Shhhh!.
(???:Folks has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk.
We see Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk.
???:And these darn cartons are so flinging-flanging hard to open.
Joey:Oh you said it Mike."Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter".Awe There's got to be a better way!.
Mike:And there is Kevin.)
Joey:Can we please turn this off?.
Rachel:No way Kevin.
(Mike:There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again.Meet the Milk Master 2000.)
Ross:"To Chandler".Are you intrigued?.
Chandler:You're flinging-flanging right I am!.
(Mike:Keep in mind he's never used this product before you're gonna see how easy this is to do."To Joey".Go ahead.
Joey starts using the product it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.
Mike:This works with any milk carton.
Joey:"Finishing installing the Milk Master 2000".Wow it is easy."Starts to poor the milk'.Now I can have milk everyday.)
Everyone but me all start laughing at him and I put my hand on his shoulder.
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Later at Central Perk,Chandler,Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair as I sit in a chair next to her.
Chandler:Well it's official there are no good movies.
Janice:Well let's go to a bad one and make out.
They start to kiss and lean back into Monica.
Monica:Perhaps you would like me to turn like this."Turns sideways on the couch".So that you can bunny bump against my back.
Joey:"Entering".Hey.
Phoebe:Hey.
Chandler:Hey man.What's up?.
Joey:Maybe you can tell me.My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today.The first good thing she gets me in weeks.How could you not give me the message?!.
Chandler:Well I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt but uh it wasn't me.
Phoebe:Yes it was!.It was him!.Uhuh!.
We all stare at her.
Phoebe:Okay it was me.
Joey:How is it you?.
Phoebe:Well it was just it was all so crazy you know.I mean Chandler was in the closet counting to 10 and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet."Walks over to Joey".I-I-I meant to tell you and I wrote it all down on my hand. See all of it."Shows him her hand".
Joey:Yep that's my audition.
Monica:See now this is why I keep notepads everywhere.
Phoebe:Yep and that's why we don't invite you to play.
Janice:What is the great tragedy here?.You go get yourself another appointment.
Joey:"Sitting down".Well Estelle tried you know.The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
I walk over to the table Joey is sitting at and I sit next to him.
Phoebe:That is unfair.I'll call her and tell her it was totally my fault.
Joey:Pheebs you can't do that.The casting director doesn't talk to friends she only talks to agents.
Phoebe:What a sad little life she must lead. Okay oh."Starts dialing".
Joey:What,what are you doing?,What are you doing?.
Phoebe:No,no,no I know,I know oh."On the phone in a different voice".Hi this is Katelynn from Phoebe Buffay's office.Um is um Ann there for Phoebe she'll know what it's about.
Joey:Hang up,hang up.
Joey reaches with his good arm but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling he is wearing.
Phoebe:"On phone".Annie!.Hi.Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani apparently he missed his audition.Who did you speak to in my office?.Estelle no I don't know what I'm going to do with her.No.All right so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment the world does not stop.
Chandler:Is anybody else scared?.
Phoebe:"On phone".Right well look um if Joey loses this audition that is it for Estelle.I don't care!.Annie you are a doll what time can you see him?."To Monica".I need a pen.
Chandler hands her one but she needs something to right on so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck.
Chandler:Get the woman a pad!,Get the woman a pad!,A pad!,A pad!.
Monica:Oh now you want a pad.
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Later at Monica and Rachel's I am with Ross as Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben my nephew.
Carol,Susan:Hey!.
Tabitha:Ah there is my handsome nephew and his wonderful moms!.
I walk over to them and hug them all.
Ross:There's my boy!.Here's my boy!.And here's his Barbie...
Ben is holding a Barbie doll and I smile.
Ross:What's uh what's my boy doing with a Barbie?.
Carol:He picked it out of the toy store himself he loves it.
Susan:He carries it everywhere it's like a security blanket but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Ross:Yeah it's,it's,it's cute.Why,why,why does he have it again?.
Susan:So he's got a doll?.So what?.Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up and be in show business.
Carol:This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women does it?.
Tabitha:I hope not."Looks at Ross".
Ross:You know what it's fine.If you're okay with the Barbie thing so am I.
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Later in the day at Monica and Rachel's apartment Ross is trying to get Ben to give him his Barbie.
Ross:Give daddy the Barbie Ben give,give me the Barbie.Okay how bout don't you want to play with the monster truck?."Makes a monster truck sound".No.Okay oh,oh how about a Dino-soilder?."Squawks like a dinosaur".
Rachel:Ross you are so pathetic.Why can't your son just play with his doll?."Uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk into her cereal".
Monica:"Entering from her bedroom".I gotta go to work.Has anybody seen my left boob?.
Joey:I love that movie.
I see Joey is using it as a pillow and I hold a laugh.
Monica:There it is.Joey what are you doing?.
Joey:I'm sorry it just felt nice.
Chandler:"Entering with his ringing phone".Joe.Joe!.Answer the phone.
Joey:Hey I only got one good arm you know. You should be doing stuff for me.Go get me a sweater.
Chandler:Just do it!.Okay it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight."Phone stops ringing".Oh that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
Tabitha:What's the big deal?.Why don't you wanna see Janice?.
Chandler:Okay last night at dinner when the meals came she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my tomatoes.
Ross:And that's bad because...you hate chicken piccata?.
Chandler:No.
Ross:You didn't want to share your tomatoes,tomatoes are very important to you.
Chandler:No it's like all of the sudden we were this couple.And this alarm started going off in my head Run for your life.Get out of the building.
Rachel:Men are unbelievable.
Monica:What is it with you people!.I mean the minute you start to feel something you have to run away?.
Chandler:I know that.
Chandler looks at her Monica's fake boobs and loses his train of though, temporarily.
ChandlerThat's why I don't want to go tonight I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Monica:Oh you mean like that guy thing where you act mean and distant until you get us to break up with you.
Joey:Hey you know about that?!.
Chandler:Look what do I do?.I wanna get past this I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing.I wanna go through the tunnel to the other side!.
Joey looks at me wanting me to explain.
Tabitha:"To Joey".Where there is no fear of commitment.
Chandler:Do we have any..."Turns around and bumps Monica's fake chest".Do we have any thoughts here?.
Joey:Well I've been through the tunnel myself cause of Tabby you know...Face your fear.If have a fear of heights you go to the top of the building!.If you're afraid of bugs get a bug.Right.In this case you have a fear of commitment so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Rachel:Amazingly that makes sense.
Chandler:You think?.
Joey:Oh yeah.Go for it man jump off the high dive stare down the barrel of the gun pee into the wind!.
Chandler:Yeah Joe I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
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We are at Central Perk and Phoebe's beeper is going off.
Phoebe:Oh it's your audition from this morning.Can I use the phone again?.
Rachel:Sure Pheebs you know that's what it's there for emergencies and pretend agents.
Joey:Come on baby come on.
Phoebe:"On phone in 'Katelynn's' voice".Hi I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page.Okay well um she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.
Rachel:Very nice touch.
Phoebe:"On Phone".Okay go ahead...Um hi Annie...Fantastic!."To Joey".You got it."On phone".Oh okay um Will he work for scale? you ask me.Well I don't know about that.
Joey clears his throat to signify yes.
Phoebe:Rxcept that I do and he will.Great oh you are such a sweetheart.I would love to have lunch with you how about we have lunch next...."Hangs up phone".Op went through a tunnel.
Tabitha:Unbelievable.
Joey:Thank you so much.
Phoebe:It was really fun I mean I've never talked on a car phone before.
Joey:You were amazing could you just do me this huge favor you see there's this one other audition that I really,really want and Estelle couldn't get me in.
Phoebe:Oh I don't know.I mean it was fun one time.
Joey:Come on please it'll be just this one more well actually it's two.
Phoebe:Two?.
Joey:Yeah!.Well,well really it's three.Please. You're so good at it.I love you.
Phoebe:Okay I'll do it but just these three right
Joey:No four.
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At Monica and Rachel's Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbie doll.
Ross:Guess who's here.It's the toughest guy in toy land Ben."Singing".A real American hero.I'm G.I. Joe!.Drop the Barbie drop the Barbie.
Rachel:G.I. Joe?.Do you really think he's gonna fall for that?.
At that moment Joey enters the apartment.
Joey:G.I. Joe!.Cool!."Sits down".Can I play?.
Ross:Look Ben it's a toy that protects U.S. oil interests overseas!.
Joey,Ross:Go Joe!.
Phoebe:"Entering".Hello!.Oh."Sees Joey and starts to leave".
Joey:Pheebs!.There you are!.
Phoebe:No it's not sorry.
Joey:But Phoebe wait!,Wait!.Phoebe. Phoebe!.
He runs out into the hallway after her.
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At Central Perk Me,Joey and Phoebe are here.
Phoebe:Okay so we got some more good rejections lots of stuff to work on.
Joey:Okay shoot.
Phoebe:Okay um oh the zoo commercial.
Joey:I didn't get it?.
Phoebe:No.They said you Weren't believable as a human being.So you can work on that.
Joey:Okay what else?.
Phoebe:Um the off-Broadway play people said You were pretty but dumb.
Joey:Oh.
Phoebe:Oh no wait I'm sorry that's pretty dumb.
Joey:Look it's okay no,no,no really look um I really appreciate this Pheebs but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Phoebe:Oh.
Joey:Yeah well don't get me wrong you're a better agent than she is but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Phoebe:Yeah no I understand.
Joey:You do thanks.
Phoebe:Yeah.Sorry.
Phoebe starts to leave.
Joey:Wait a minute.
Phoebe:What?.
Joey:Wait a minute did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Phoebe:Oh you caught me.I am so busted.
Joey:"In a bad Italian accent".That's-ah what I suspected-ah.
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At Monica and Rachel's,Carol and Susan are picking up Ben while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it into her ice cream and I listen to the conversation.
Carol:G.I. Joe...G.I. Joe?!.
Ross:Hey I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Susan:What'd you do dip it in sugar?.
Ross:Look G.I. Joe's in,Barbie's out.And if you guys can't deal with it that's your too bad.
Monica:What are you being such a weenie for?.So he has a Barbie big deal.You used to dress up like a woman.
Ross:What?.
Monica:Well you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
Ross:What are you talking about?.
Tabitha:The big hat,the pearls,the little pick handbag.
Ross:Okay you guys are totally making this up.
Monica:How can you not remember?.You made us call you...Bea.
Ross:"Remembering".Oh God.
Susan:I've literally never been this happy.
Monica:Wasn't there a little song?.
Carol:Oh please God let there be a song.
Ross:There was no song."To Tabitha,Monica".There was no song!.
Tabitha:"Singing".I am Bea.
Ross:Okay.
Monica:"Singing".I drink tea.
Ross:Okay that's,that's enough."Goes to the bathroom".
Tabitha,Monica:"Singing".Won't you,won't you,won't you...
Ross:"Coming out of the bathroom".Won't you dance around with me.
Monica:Aha!.
We all start laughing as Ross hides in the bathroom.