APRIL
Today was April twentieth and today we all stood around a small grave as the smallest casket I'd ever seen was lowered to the ground. Freshly engraved into the tomb stone was the name April Bayer. The very name Kate and Victor had given their seventh month old little girl.
Kate was head to toe in black, stood as far away from Vic as she possibly could. I knew the minute I had saw them that they were over. They both would move on separately. Vic look blank of emotion, but it was obvious he'd been chain smoking not even an hour ago. Kate looked horrible, her mother and father looked just as bad. I can't even imagine what Kate must be going through, I don't ever want to.
A priest said a few nice words, but what could you really say about someone who didn't even get to take their first breath. I can imagine it's hard, all you know is that her name was April, she was a girl and both her parents loved her to the moon and back. But she never got to glimpse the sun and take a fresh breath of air. It was almost like she wasn't actually real.
After the funeral it was a lot of solemn good byes were even Abigail and Zachary had hugged people. Those two almost never touch anyone for their own specific reasons. But this was one of those days you push aside all issues and you support the family. That's what we did, we supported each other and tried to make Victor stronger.
After all the heartfelt goodbyes we soon went our separate ways. All got into our separate cars and drove off in separate directions. It took close to an hour to get home and when we did I went straight to my room and took the longest most relaxing shower. I felt guilty afterwards for wasting all that water, but it was well needed.
I gazed out the window from my bed, watching the leaves start to sprout on the trees. It was weird how spring came so late. We almost missed Easter. Well I almost missed Easter. It kind of snuck up on me.
Thank God for candy grams, though. I sent one to Lola, Gavin and Evelyn. I personalized each message with great thought. I didn't get one back, though, and I could tell Lola felt extremely guilty.
The candy gram had opened a slight door for Gavin and I, though. It was only ajar, but I stuck my foot in and held on for the long run. I feel like we're in a better place, but I can tell Gavin is still peeved at me. I don't really blame him.
Mom: "Freya, dinner!"
I reluctantly got up from my bed and took slow steps downstairs. We sat around the tiny circle kitchen table as mom set it, placing forks and dishes in front of both dad and I. I got up to grab a soda from the fridge and sat back down once mom placed her homemade macaroni and cheese down in front of me.
I suddenly felt more hungry staring at that food then I had for a long while and greedily took big spoon fills.
Dad: "Wow, Freya, slow down before you give yourself a stomach ache."
Dad playfully joked, cracking a goofy grin. It'd been along time since he had done that. Mom's face broke out in grin as dad choked on his wine from taking a bit too big of a sip. He sputtered for a few seconds before cracking up with mom. Looking at us now, I felt that we were going to be alright.
•••
Going to baby's and young children's funerals is one of the most depressing things you will ever do and I do hope that most of you reading this never have to experience it.