-July 5th 1995-
We are at Monica and Rachel's apartment and Ross is on the phone.
Ross:"Into Phone".Yeah,Yeah everybody's here.Hey everybody say hi to Julie in New Mexico."Holds up phone".
Everyone:Hi Julie!.
Rachel:"Sarcastically".Hi Julie.
Chandler:Ok while Ross is on the phone everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
Phoebe:Um is,is there any chance that you're rounding up?.You know like from, like 20?
Chandler:Hey come on we got the gift,The concert and the cake.
Joey:Do we need a cake?.
Chandler:Look guys...I know it's a little steep.
Rachel:Yeah whoosh!.
Chandler:But it's Ross.
Phoebe:It's Ross.
Joey:All right.
Chandler:I'll see you guys later I gotta go...do a thing.
Ross:"Into Phone".Ok sweetheart I'll call you later tonight."To Chandler".Whoa,Whoa,Whoa,Hey,Hey,Hey you're not really gonna go through with this are you?.
Chandler:You know I think I might just.
Rachel:So uh, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight?.
Joey:Well I guess I gotta start saving up for Ross's birthday so I guess I'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies.
Phoebe:Can you believe how much this is gonna cost?.
Rachel:Do you guys ever get the feeling that um Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?.
Joey:Yes!.Yeah it's like they're always saying let's go here,let's go there.Like we can afford to go here and there.
Phoebe:Yes,Yes and it's and we always have to go to you know someplace nice you know?.God and it's not like we can say anything about it cause like this birthday thing it's for Ross.
Joey:For Ross.
Rachel:For Ross,Ross,Ross.
Monica:"Enters".Oh my god.
Rachel:Hey.
Joey:Hi.
Tabitha:What?.
Monica:I'm at work ordinary dat you know chop,chop,chop,sauti,sauti,sauti.All of a sudden Leon the manager calls me into his office.It turns out they fired the head lunch chef and guess who got the job.
Joey:If it's not you this is a horrible story.
Monica:Fortunately it is me.And they made me head of purchasing thank you very much.Anyway I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs and they think we should go out and celebrate.You know someplace nice.
Joey:Yeah someplace nice."To Phoebe,Tabitha,Rachel".How much do you think I can get for my kidney?.
Tabitha:I don't know but unfortunately i can't make it...I have a night shift...I also have to travel for work soon.
-July 6th 1995-
The next day at Monica and Rachel's
Chandler:Gee Monica what's in the bag?.
Monica:I don't know Chandler.Let's take a look.
Phoebe:Oh it's like a skit.
Monica:Why it's dinner for six.5 steaks and an eggplant for Phoebe.
Ross:Whoo!.
Phoebe:Cool.
Monica:Yeah we switched meat suppliers at work and the new guys gave me the steaks as sort of a thank you.
Ross:But wait there's more.Hey Chandler, what is in the envelope?.
Chandler:By the way this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.
Ross:Come on.
Chandler:Why it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish!.The Blowfish!.
Monica:It's on us all right so don't worry. It's our treat.
Phoebe:So...Thank you.
Ross:Could you be less enthused?.
Joey:Look it's a nice gesture it is.But it just feels like-
Monica:Like?.
Joey:Charity.
Monica:Charity?.
Ross:We're just trying to do a nice thing here.
Rachel:Ross you have to understand that your nice thing makes us feel this big.
Phoebe:Actually it makes us feel that big.
Ross:I dont I don't understand.I mean you it's like we can't win with you guys.
Chandler:If you guys feel this big maybe that's not our fault.Maybe that's just how you feel.
Joey:Oh now you're telling us how you feel.
Rachel:Ok we never shoulda talked about this.
Phoebe:I'm just gonna pass on the concert cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.
Rachel:Me neither.
Joey:Me too.
Monica:Guys we bought the tickets.
Phoebe:Oh well then you'll have extra seats you know for all your tiaras and stuff.
Chandler:Why did you look at me when you said that?.
Monica:Well I guess now we can't go.
Rachel:What?.Come on you do what you want to do.Do we always have to do everything together?.
Monica:You know what?.You're right.
Phoebe:Fine.
Ross:Fine.
Joey:Fine.
Chandler:Fine.
Rachel:Fine.
Monica:All right.We're gonna go.It's not for another six hours.We're gonna go then
-July 7th 1995-
We are all at Central Perk the next day.
Ross:Hey you guys.
Rachel:Happy birthday.
Ross:Oh thank you,Thanks.So uh how was your night last night?.
Rachel:Oh well it pretty much sucked. How was yours?.
Tabitha:It sucked...Apparently singing makes guys grab at you."Sighs".
Monica:Yeah ours pretty much sucked oh but I did run into little Stevie Fisher. Remember him?.
Rachel:Oh yeah.I used to babysit him. Hey how's his dad?.
Monica:Uh good.
Ross:Uh aside from that the whole evening was pretty much a bust.
Chandler:Yeah we really missed you guys.
Joey:Yeah look we were just saying this whole thing is really stupid.
Phoebe:We just have to really,really,really, not let stuff like money get...is that a hickey?.
Monica:No I just I fell down.
Rachel:On someone's lips?.Where'd you get the hickey?.
Monica:You know a party or-
Rachel:What party?.
Ross:It wasn't so much a party as...a gathering of people,with food and music, and,and the band.
Joey:You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?.
Chandler:Yes apparently Stevie and the band are like this.
Rachel:Who gave you that hickey?.
Monica:That would be the work of a Blowfish.
Rachel:Oh!.
Phoebe:Oh!.I can't believe it.I can't believe this.We're just like sitting at home trying to guess Joey's fingers and you guys are out like partying and having fun and you know all,hey,Blowfish,suck on my neck.
Ross:Look don't blame us.You guys coulda been there you know.
Rachel:What as part of your poor friends outreach program?.
Monica's pager goes off
Monica:It's work.
Chandler:I don't know what to say.I'm sorry that we make more money than you. But we're not gonna feel guilty about it.We work really hard for it.
Joey:And we don't work hard?.
Monica:"Into phone".Yeah hi it's Monica.I just got a page.
Chandler:I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more.
Joey:And you feel like we hold you back.
Chandler:Yes.
Rachel:Oh!.
Chandler:No.
Monica:"Into phone".Leon,Leon.Shhh! Guys.Wait I don't understand.Those steaks were just a gift from the meat vendor.That was not a kick back.I'll just replace them and we can forget the whole thing.What corporate policy?.No.Yeah.All right."Hangs up".I just got fired.
Phoebe:Oh.
We all go over to comfort Monica.
???:Here's your check.That'll be $4.12.
Joey:Let me get that."To Chandler".You got five bucks?.