-November 24th 1994-
At Monica and Rachel's apartment everyone but Rachel is here.
Ross:Look if she's talking to it I just think that I should get some belly time too.Not that I believe any of this.
Phoebe:Oh I believe it.I think the baby can totally hear everything.I can show you. Look this will seem a little weird but you put your head inside this turkey and then we'll all talk and you'll hear everything we say.
Chandler:I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment.In fact I'd very much like to butter your head.
Rachel enters the apartment.
Monica:Hey Rach did you make your money?.
Rachel:No not even close.Forget Vail forget seeing my family forget shoop,shoop, shoop.
Monica:Rach here's your mail.
Rachel:Thanks you can just put it on the table.
Monica:No here's your mail.
Rachel:Thanks you can just put it on the table.
Monica:"Gives her an envelope".Would you just open it?.
Rachel opens it the envelope and inside is the money she needed.
Rachel:Oh my god oh you guys are great.
Monica:We all chipped in.
Joey:"To Monica".We did?
Monica:"To Joey".You owe me 20 bucks.
Rachel:Thank you.Thank you so much!.
Monica:"Hands Chandler a bag".Chandler here you go got your traditional Thanksgiving feast you got your tomato soup your grilled cheese fixin's and your family size bag of Funyuns.
Rachel:Wait,Wait Chandler this is what you're having for Thanksgiving dinner?. What,What,What is it with you and this holiday?.
Chandler:All right I'm nine years old.
Ross:Oh I hate this story.
Chandler:We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner.I have and I remember this part vividly a mouthful of pumpkin pie and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.
Rachel:Oh my god.
Chandler:Yes.It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
Tabitha:I'm sorry Chan.
I pat Chandlers shoulder and he just gives me a sad smile...Later at Central Perk Joey enters as we all chuckle because of a poster he is on.
Joey:So I guess you all saw it.
Rachel:Saw what?.
Phoebe:No we were just laughing.You know how laughter can be infectious.
Later at Monica and Rachel's Joey enters the apartment upset.
Joey:Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.
Chandler:Tonight on a very special Blossom.
Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway.
Monica:Mmm looking good.Ok cider's mulling,Turkey's turking,Yams are yamming.
We notice Ross is in a sad state.
Tabitha:What's wrong bro?.
Ross:I don't know...It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.
Monica:All right that's it.You know what?. Just get out of my way and stop moping.
Ross:That's closer.
Rachel enters excitedaly.
Rachel:I got the tickets!,I got the tickets!. Five hours from now shoop,shoop,shoop.
Chandler:Oh you must stop shooping.
Rachel:Ok I'm gonna get my stuff.
Joey:Chandler will you just come in already?.
Chandler:No I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.
Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of Chandler's face.
Phoebe:Look out incoming pumpkin pie!.
Chandler:Ok we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore."Leaves".
Joey:Hey Monica I got a question.I don't see any tater tots.
Monica:That's not a question.
Joey:But my mom always makes them.It's like a tradition.You get a little piece of turkey on your fork,A little cranberry sauce and a tot!.It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Monica:All right fine.Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps and in the form of tots.
Ross:Ok I'm off to talk to my unborn child.
Ross grabs for some food and Monica slaps his hand away making me laugh.
Monica:Ah!.
Ross:Ok...Mom never hit."Leaves".
Phoebe:"Stirring pot".Ok all done.
Monica:What Phoebe did you whip the potatoes?.Ross needs lumps!.
Phoebe:Oh I'm sorry oh I just I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.
Monica:Why would we do that?.
Phoebe:Well cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them you know before she died.
Monica:Ok three kinds of potatoes coming up.
Rachel:Ok goodbye you guys.Thanks for everything.
As Rachel leaves she hits everyone with her ski's.
Rachel:Oh sorry!,Oh sorry!.
Chandler enters the apartment running in.
Chandler:The most unbelievable thing has happened.Underdog has just gotten away.
Joey:The balloon?.
Tabitha:"Sarcastically".No,No the actual cartoon character.
Chandler:Of course the balloon.It's all over the news.Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park.I'm going to the roof who's with me?.
Rachel:I can't I gotta go.
Tabitha:Come on Rachel.An 80ft inflatable dog let loose over the city.How often does that happen?.
Phoebe:Almost never.
Monica:Got the keys?.
Rachel:Ok.
We all leave the apartment to see Underdog soon we all come back and go to Monica and Rachel's apartment door.
Rachel:I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.
Phoebe:Yeah but did they have to shoot him down?.I mean that was just mean.
Monica:Ok right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside juicy on the inside.Why are we standing here?.
Rachel:We're waiting for you to open the door.You got the keys.
Monica:No I don't.
Rachel:Yes you do.When we left you said got the keys.
Monica:No I didn't.I asked got the keys?.
Rachel:No,no,no you said got the keys.
Tabitha:Do either of you have the keys?.
Monica:"Panicked".The oven is on.
Rachel:Oh I gotta get my ticket!.
Joey:Wait,wait we have a copy of your key.
Monica:Well then get it,get it!.
Joey:That tone will not make me go any faster.
Tabitha:"Angrily".Joesph Francis Tribbiani Jr!.
Joey:That one will.
Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.Soon in the hallway Joey has a tray full of keys and is trying each one in the lock.
Joey:Nope not that one.
Monica:Can you go any faster with that?.
Joey:Hey I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys.You do the math.
Monica:Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?.
Chandler:"Sarcastically".For an emergency just like this.
Rachel:"Grabs Chandler by the shirt".All right listen smirky.If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon I would be on a plane watching a woman do this-
She makes a gesture like a stewardess poinying out exits.
Rachel:Right now.But I'm not.
Monica:I swear you said you had the keys.
Rachel:No I didn't.I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys and I obviously didn't have the keys.
Phoebe:Ooh,ok that's it.Enough with the keys.No one say keys.
Monica:Why would I have the keys?.
Rachel:Aside from the fact that you said you had them?.
Monica:But I didn't.
Rachel:Well you should have.
Monica:Why?.
Rachel:Because!.
Monica:Why?.
Rachel:Because!.
Monica:Why?.Because everything is my responsibility?.Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone?.You know everyone wants a different kind of potatoes so I'm making different kinds of potatoes.Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want?.Nooooo, no,no!."Starts to cry".Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions and Mario gets his tots and it's my first Thanksgiving and it's all burned and,and I-I...
Chandler:Ok Monica only dogs can hear you now so look the door's open.Here we go.
We all walk in and smoke fills the apartment.
Monica:Well the turkey's burnt."Checking pots".Potatoes are ruined,Potatoes are ruined,Potatoes are ruined.
Ross enters the apartment singing.
Ross:"Sings".Here we come walking down the..."Stops singing".This doesn't smell like Mom's.
Monica:No it doesn't does it?.But you wanted lumps Ross?."Picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes".Well here you go buddy ya got one.
Rachel:Oh god this is great!.The plane is gone so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.
Joey:Hey we all had better plans.This was nobody's first choice.
Monica:Oh really?.So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?.
Joey:You call that delicious?.
Everyone begins shouting and i whistle loudly.
Tabitha:"Yells".Stop it,Stop it,Stop it!.
Chandler:Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
A while later everyone else is upset with each other.Phoebe is at the window.
Phoebe:Ooh.
Rachel:What?.
Phoebe:Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven.Oh my god.He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
Everyone else all run to the window as I stay where I am.
Joey:I've gotta see this.All right Ugly Naked Guy!.
Monica:Ooh Ugly Naked Dancing!.
Phoebe:It's nice that he has someone.
As Phoebe says that my mind wanders to a memory of Joey and I.I shake the thought out of my head.
Later the group is around the table,Eating grilled cheese sandwiches.
Chandler:Shall I carve?.
Rachel:By all means.
Chandler:Ok who wants light cheese and who wants dark cheese?.
Ross:I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.
Monica:"Holding sandwich".Does anybody wanna split this with me?.
Joey:Oh I will.
Pheobe:Ooh you guys have to make a wish.
Monica:Make a wish?.
Phoebe:Come on you know Thanksgiving. Ooh you got the bigger half.What'd you wish for?.
Joey:The bigger half.
Chandler:I'd like to propose a toast.Little toast here ding ding.I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned but for me this has been really great you know I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway I was just thinking I mean if you'd gone to Vail and if you guys'd been with your family if you didn't have syphilis and stuff we wouldn't be all together you know?.So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
Everyone:That's so sweet.
Ross:And hey here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel:And a crappy New Year.
Chandler:Here,here!.
Tabitha:I know I don't say it much but in the past almost month I've been back...I am glad to be here.
I look at the group then I look to Joey who is looking at me.
Tabitha:Even if some people aren't happy with it.
I look away and back to my siblings.
Tabitha:So here is to another Thanksgiving!.
We all clink our glasses together in which Joey does not join in making me sad.