Jay Halstead woke up in an emotional mess, not that he was a stranger to that at this point. He should have been on a high after such a successful date with Erin. The baseball game and the dinner afterwards had been the best time he could remember having, and they had even kissed when he had dropped her off at home. But during the night he had dreamed about being on a job with Adam Ruzek and Kim Burgess. His two closest friends and most trusted colleagues were Intelligence Unit as far as he was concerned, as much as Hank Voight had been. Lindsay's decision to unjustly and callously cut Burgess from the team was never going to sit right with him.
And there was another problem. Kim being one of his best friends made him feel like he was knifing her in the back by dating Erin. He just couldn't properly separate Erin from Sergeant Lindsay, and he doubted Kim would be able to either. There was only one thing he could do, and even that wasn't likely to be a solution. He had to talk to Kim. The least he could do was be open with her about what was going on and what a mess he was in about how to deal with it all. Her reaction would have to be whatever it was, and he would have to accept it no matter what. One thing he didn't want to do was throw their friendship out of the window. It meant too much to him to discard it.
So, with a plan in mind, he got up, showered, and ate a quick breakfast. His plan was to go over to Adam and Kim's before they left for work and talk to them. He expected that it would be a weight off his shoulders to put everything he was feeling out there. He had to trust his friends not to go off the deep end with him about it.
When he arrived at his friends' house, Halstead saw that their car was not on the driveway, but a different car was. At least one of them had to be out already, likely with someone sitting for Alex. He figured he would go and knock the door anyway in case Kim was home.
If she is home, how do I put what I want to say to her? Halstead asked himself as he walked up to the front door. He probably should have planned it all out ahead of time, but even if he had, the conversation probably wouldn't have unfolded the way he imagined it.
For a moment, Halstead hesitated to push the doorbell, wondering if he should abandon the idea and head into the office early to work on the strangler case instead. But no, that would only mean another day of emotional turmoil, and he wasn't sure if he could stand that.
When he pressed the doorbell, Jay heard the sound of it inside the house, followed by Kim's voice calling out to someone.
"It's okay, I've got it!"
Moments later, the door opened. Kim stood there wearing a simple white t-shirt, black leggings and green rubber gloves covered in soap suds. Clearly she wasn't going to work any time soon.
"Jay! Come in," she said with a broad smile on her face, happy to see him. "If you're looking for Adam, you've just missed him. He's gone in early, hoping to make some progress with this serial killer."
"Hi, Kim," Halstead smiled back as he stepped into the house and closed the door behind him. "It was actually you I wanted to speak to. Are you not working today?"
Burgess spread her arms and laughed. "Don't I look ready to patrol the streets? No, I'm working a night shift tonight. Someone asked to switch with me and I owed them a favour, so I couldn't really say no. Come through to the kitchen, I'm halfway through cleaning up after breakfast."
"A night shift must be the last thing you need. How's Alex?" Halstead said as they went through to the kitchen.
The cooker was where the cleaning was currently happening, and Burgess went back to work. "He's great, thanks. Mom and dad are here. They're taking him to their place today to give me a shot at some sleep. So, what brings you over here? Are you okay?"
Such a simple question, with such a complicated answer. Where to even begin? With the truth, he supposed. He was going to have to spit it out one way or the other. "Honestly, no, I'm not okay. I'm not okay and I need to talk to you about it."
Burgess stopped scrubbing the hob and looked at him with the concern and compassion that everyone who knew her loved her for. "What's wrong, Jay? Anything I can do to help, I will, you know that."
"Of course I do. The thing is, my head is in one hell of a mess right now. Lindsay's decision to cut you from Intelligence was wrong. It was so far beyond wrong. I'm having a really hard time dealing with it." Then he realised how stupid and inappropriate he sounded. It was Kim who had lost her dream job, the job she had busted her as at for years, and here he was saying that he couldn't deal with her losing it. "Sorry, Kim, I sound like an asshole here, don't I?"
"No!" she said emphatically. "You sound like a concerned and angry friend, and I thank you for that. But, Jay, you don't need to get your head in a mess over this. This is my problem, not yours, and in any case there's nothing to be done about it now. Lindsay told Adam her decision is final, and I know she's already moving to replace me. I'll never forgive her for it, but I know there's no point trying to fight her on it either."
And now for the really difficult part, Halstead thought. "It's not just that messing my head up. The thing is, Kim, you know how I felt about Erin before she left, and after she left. I was going to propose to her. When she came back, I immediately fell for her again, even though I was still mad at her for leaving. The whole situation is such a mess, but we went on a date yesterday and it went amazingly well. But part of me feels like I'm betraying you and Adam's friendship. I'm in a situation where I'm constantly thinking things that are opposite to each other, and I can't with it."
Burgess sighed and looked at him with an understanding expression on her face. She didn't get a chance to answer, for her mother walked into the kitchen carrying a tired-looking little Alex.
"We're going then, Kim. Hi," she added, smiling to Jay.
"Hi," he smiled back.
"Mom, this is Jay. He is... was... a colleague of mine in Intelligence, and he's a close friend."
"Nice to meet you," Kim's mom said as her dad walked straight by the kitchen with a bag of things for Alex, heading out to the car.
"Nice to meet you too," Halstead said.
"I'll just see them off," Kim said to Jay, and she left the kitchen with her mom.
Waiting, Halstead listened to Burgess saying goodbye to her son. He found himself thinking that Alex was lucky to have Kim and Adam for parents. A kid had never been more loved, that much was for certain.
"Sorry about that," Kim said when she returned to the kitchen. "They're going to spoil him rotten. They love having him to stay over so much."
"I'm sure the little guy will love it too. He looked tired though."
"Yeah, he was awake early today with Adam. He'll have a nap when he gets to their place, then he'll be full of energy. That'll give them something to deal with," she said with a laugh.
"You don't seem pissed at me about Erin," Halstead said hopefully.
"Why would I be pissed at you, Jay? You've made it more than clear to me, Adam, and to Erin, exactly how you feel about her taking me off the team. You went into bat as much as any friend could be expected to, if not more so. If you want to date her outside of work, that's your business and I don't have a problem with you because of it. Just know that she's not welcome in this house, and I won't be going on a night out or anything if she's there. I have no forgiveness for what she's done, not that she has sought any."
Feeling incredibly relieved, Halstead put a grateful hand on his friend's shoulder. "Thanks, Kim. I should have known you would say something like that. Erin coming back really threw me for a loop. But as far as Intelligence goes, don't give up on it yet. You got there the first time by being one of the best cops in this city. I know damn well that hasn't changed. You keep doing your thing, and Lindsay will hear about it whether she likes it or not."
"I'll do that," Burgess promised him. "I already told Adam I'm not going to let this break me, and I meant it."
"I know you will," Halstead said with absolutely confidence. "I'd better head into the office and leave you to your cleaning. I'm glad we had this conversation."
"Me too. And if you find yourself struggling again call me, come over, whatever. Don't suffer in silence, alright?"
"I won't. Have a good night shift, if that's possible."
Burgess smiled. "I'll try. Good look with the strangler. Maybe today's the day you'll get the guy."
"Let's hope so," Jay said as she walked him to the door. They said their goodbyes, and he got into his car feeling a hell of a lot better than he had when he had gotten out of it. Having a close friend like Kim was an invaluable thing. And the conversation had reinforced what he had already been trying to tell him. Sergeant Lindsay and Erin, his girlfriend, had to be kept separate. He was finally starting to feel like that was something he could actually do.