TO GILBERT JOHN BLYTHE,
UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO
FROM ANNE SHIRLEY CUTHBERT
QUEENS COLLEGE,
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI
YOU OK?
Gilbert had just received the news that a telegram had come in for him.
He fumbled around in his pocket to respond to her, but found no money in it. Alexander was visiting his sister while she was in town, and the bank was on the other side of campus. Deciding that the letter probably hadn't reached yet and that she'd probably receive it by tomorrow and her fears would be allayed, he walked out blissfully ignorant.
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Dearest Gilbert,
I haven't even an absolute inkling of an idea why you haven't responded to my previous letter or the telegram. There is a tad more than a week until we are to be reunited, so you might not read this until you are back in Toronto. Nevertheless, I will write because it is what I do best.
I think I've vexed you with talk of future, though I have no inclination as to why. After mere weeks of courting Winifred, your impending nuptials were the talk of the town, yet after almost five months, you completely disappear after I mention it as a possibility in the far future! Don't take me the wrong way, I am in no way ready for any sort of wedding bell just yet, but the least you could do is a simple 'yes' or 'no' when I ask you whether you even plan on having a future with me. I will say, if you really do have throwaway intentions with me, this is an awfully foolish, twisted way to have a college fling. After all those golden words and silver promises!
I admit, the thought has crossed my head that in these long weeks that you might have found another, but the thought was shaken out just as quickly by the girls. You're lucky I have them to keep me sane, or I might have driven myself off an overpass with madness by now.
I'm trying to make this long distance affair work, my love. I really am. I write to you even in the late nights, just to talk to you. I know you're considerably more busy than me, but couldn't you send even a slip of paper? A short telegram letting me know that no horrible fate has befallen you? Josie faithfully receives letters from Alexander, and I wonder if it is me.
I know that you're a hard worker, and you may not have time for my nagging, but I can't help but wonder if you're drifting away from me on purpose, Gilbert. I don't want to leave you. I love you more than anyone, but I'm starting to think that after all this, you're leaving me and I'm holding on as tight as I can futilely.
If you were to leave me, truthfully, I couldn't see a future without you. I remember the feeling when I heard about Winifred. It was hard to be anywhere when I saw you laughing with her, grazing her arm in those secret touches I hoped would be between us, escorting her everywhere. It felt like an open wound from the inside out. I think that now that I know what it's like to hold you and kiss you and have you be all mine, it would feel like a slow, excruciating death by a thousand cuts.
I know I'm not a perfect debutante with a rich background. I know that I freeze up in panic when I think of my past. I know my intelligence insults the egos of many men. I know I lash out and that my words shoot to kill when I'm mad. But I love you and I will continue making this beautiful, exhilarating, passionate, loving relationship work as long as you want me to.
I will end this here. I will see you on the twenty third. Whether it is to kiss you or say goodbye, I guess I'll have to find out.
With my whole heart,
Anne
________________________
Anne had just gotten home on 22nd of December, running to Marilla with open arms and a bright grin, despite everything. Sorrow weighed her down, but she compartmentalized. She vowed to not open that drawer until it was completely full. Another drawer of woe had already been opened when she realized that it would be their first Christmas without Matthew, and she couldn't handle if anything were piled on top of that.
"Marilla," she sighed happily, squeezing her tightly to emphasize her affection and relishing Marilla's worn hand patting her hair affectionately. She didn't care that she wasn't the same little girl she had once been; motherly embraces would never get old. It was everything she had lacked as a child. Some claimed it to be embarrassing or humiliating, but Anne knew first hand that once it was gone, you would give your life to have it once more. She would give her life to hear Matthew's gruff and kindly laugh just one more time.
Marilla pulled away and held her at an arm's length, giving Anne's body a once over with her sky blue eyes. Anne found the idea that her, Matthew, and Marilla had eyes an almost similar shade of blue absolute felicity, even if they really looked nothing like each other. It was as if the universe had affirmed to her that they were meant to be her parents in spirit.
"My word! You've grown even thinner! Is that old Blackmore woman even feeding you?" she exclaimed with a disapproving tsk. Anne didn't have the heart to tell her that it was her own decision to poke around her dinner instead of eating it the past couple of weeks. The depths of despair never really provided much of an appetite.
"Yes, Marilla," she laughed, trying to summon a fragment of happiness. "I've just been... hard at work."
"That won't do. I'll have Jerry come in from the barn and we'll go to the Lacroixs' together for lunch. We have some news for the both of you." A jolt of comfort went through Anne at the thought. If anything, maybe some comfort food could help her stress eat her way out of this predicament, especially if she wasn't to see the Lacroixs for the rest of break for fear of running into Gilbert.
"Sounds wonderful."
They rode the eight miles back to Bright River, and Anne filled Marilla in about all the goings-on.
"I hear Ruby and the Spurgeon boy are particularly close. I heard Mrs. Gillis talking about some additions to Ruby's trousseau as she's positively sure that by the time the year closes out, she'll be sewing a wedding dress instead."
"Oh, Ruby isn't sure about that. She said that she'd like to, and Moody would like to, but you know how the two are. They need a little nudge."
"And what about you?" Marilla asked abruptly, noticing Anne stiffening. "It has been almost five months, and though I don't expect anything less than at least eighteen for marriage, you two must have at least broached the topic."
"Perhaps we did," she said curtly. "Either ways, it isn't going to happen any time soon.''
"Oh...Um, speaking of, Delphine's been asking for you," Marilla said with a smile, knowing the girl didn't want to approach the topic of Gilbert for some reason. She hoped they weren't having any troubles, but all couples did at some point. It was bound to happen. Any relationship going smoothly with no rough patches or inconsequential squabbles in the middle was almost impossible, but real love would get out of it stronger than before.
Anne melted at that, a small smile cracking her exterior. "How is my little Dellie?"
"She's learning quickly for a nine month old. She can stand independently, but falls when she tries to walk. She understands a couple words, but she repeats your name quite often whenever I'm around. She's come to form an association, and I suppose she misses your presence every day."
And Gilbert's, Marilla wanted to add, but she chose not to prod the sleeping dragon.
When she got to Green Gables, she sighed, breathing in the familiar air. Her blue eyes lightened with excitement when she saw a tall, dark-haired fellow come in from the barn. She grinned from ear to ear and waved at him.
"Jerry!" she squealed excitedly, hitching up her skirts in her hands and running as fast as she could to greet him, the brother figure in her unconventional Cuthbert-Lacroix-Baynard family.
"Look what le chat dragged in," Jerry ribbed, poking her in the shoulder lightly. "Is it just me or have you gotten even knobbier?"
"Excuse me for trying to be nice to you. Obviously, Jerry Baynard doesn't take kindly to that," she said with a roll of her eyes. She still beamed all the way.
"Welcome home, Anne," he finally greeted with a happy little smile. "If you repeat it, I will deny it, but I missed you. Only a little bit."
Her pearl blue eyes lit up she played cool, responding to him with a proud "Good. You'd better get your fill of me these two weeks then!"
___________________________
Marilla, Anne, and Jerry burst into the Lacroix home with bright smiles. Anne couldn't wait to see the familiar faces. Gilbert wouldn't arrive in town until tomorrow, and Josie was as giddy as a schoolgirl because her beau would be accompanying him for the holidays, but Anne had no interest in speaking about Gilbert. She resolved to just enjoy the wonderful family the Lacroixs were before Gilbert could seal her fate in being able to visit unannounced over the holidays. Even Elijah had become family to her as she had guided him to channel his skill in making liquor into making the purest of extracts, to the point where even the Barrys sought his vanilla.
Selfishly, if that happened, she would be glad he was all the way in Toronto, and she could keep up school year visits with them (or at least, that's what she told herself to distract from the depths of despair she would be in).'
The two groups were practically family now, so they didn't even knock. Anne burst through the door and flashed a smile like a ray of sunshine at everyone.
"Queen Anne!" Sebastian exclaimed jovially, standing up just in time for her to barrel into him for a hug, light yellow skirts swishing behind her. She pulled away excitedly and looked around.
"If you're wondering about Delphine, she's in the nursery," Bash chuckled, jerking his head in the direction of the room.
Anne looked at Marilla pleadingly, and Marilla rolled her eyes with an amused smile. "Go bring her out. I'll help get lunch ready."
Anne squealed quietly and scampered inside the nursery, beaming at the angelic little girl swatting at a hanging crib toy.
"Dellie," she cooed sweetly, leaning over the crib. She giggled as the black curled baby reached for her, babbling innocently.
Anne reached down and scooped Delphine up in her arms, swaddling her in a soft down blanket. Rocking her gently, she walked back out to the kitchen area.
"You're so good with her," Bash commented as she came back out. Marilla was setting down a batch of cheese tartlets she had baked that morning and freshly warmed, heaping them on a huge plate. It would have been enough to feed an army if Jerry hadn't been around. Jerry snagged some from the plate immediately, one in each hand.
"Maybe with obedient babies. Anne has never had to deal with the likes of Sandie," Jerry grumbled from the other side of the table. He reached for a third and fourth tart, one in each hand, and Marilla lightly swatted his hand with a wooden spoon.
"Save some room for lunch!" she rebuked Jerry, who darkened as he slowly drew his hand away.
"I figured I should spend as much time as I can until I go away for school again. There's only so many weeks I can enjoy her youth," Anne sighed dismally. Delphine seemed to grow in leaps and bounds. She was taller for her age, with long fingers and toes that touched everything her eyes landed on with curiosity.
"She looks more like Mary every day," Marilla replied, sighing in memory of the vivacious young woman. She was stirring a gargantuan pot of potato and oyster soup, Mary's recipe she had perfected even down to the paprika as a small present of a gesture so Hazel could know the woman her son had loved in small ways.
"She would have been overjoyed to see you and Delphine getting along so well. She and Elijah have been getting closer also. He and my mother are in town picking up groceries. She insists on making a big affair out of Gilbert's return, lots of Trinidadian delicacies and the like," Bash agreed, stirring some deep orange curry that smelled heavenly above the wood stove.
Marilla and Sebastian exchanged a look and the matriarch smiled in encouragement.
Anne noticed the exchange, and her brows furrowed. "What is it?"
"We know this is long overdue," Bash started nervously. "And Marilla thinks it's a right good idea, but we wanted to get your approval."
"Yes, of course. Go on," she encourage with a sweet dimpled smile.
"When Delphine was born, Mary and I didn't think to give her a godparent. We thought that we'd be around and if we weren't, Gilbert would be going to Queens and would be an hour away from the town she's grown up with. Clearly, your beau is much further away than an hour," he joked, making light of the situation.
Anne tensed quickly at the mention of Gilbert, but she hid it with a stiff smile and a deep breath. "Indeed, my... beau is much further away...? Your point is, Sebastian?"
"If, God forbid, something happens to me in the next couple of years, a freak accident or something like what happened to my beautiful Mary, we want Delphine to have a legal guardian close to home. Gilbert is there, and he will always have claim to Dellie as her favorite uncle, but he is far away and the people of Avonlea -- or half of them at least -- have gotten used to colored folk using their facilities. I don't know how people abroad will take it. They might disrespect him for even associating with us, and I don't want that. You, on the other hand, are a mere hour away from Avonlea and have good friends in Charlottetown who accept Dellie. We would've asked you before she was born..."
"Asked me what?" she questioned, though the growing light in her blue eyes made it clear she knew what they were talking about, trying not to let the hope get the best of her before she had even been asked anything.
"This is up to you, but I would be honored if you would be Delphine's godmother, Anne. Not just godmother, but aunt. I consider you a sister already."
Despite knowing what was coming, Anne was stunned into a deafening silence, a smile forming at the edges of her mouth.
"Uh, Anne?" Jerry asked awkwardly, waving his hands in front of her face to alert her in her silence.
Finally, Anne grinned from ear to ear, her blue eyes crinkling at the edges with true joy. "You don't even have to ask! Of course I'll be Dellie's godmother!"
"Thank you so much, Anne. Dellie is in good hands."
"On to another matter," Marilla interrupted with a pointed look. "As you know, Matthew's will reading was two weeks ago."
A hush fell over the room in remembrance of Anne's late father.
"There was quite a few things bequeathed to people in this room," she began with a feeble smile. "Green Gables was in his name, first of all, as was any money in the bank. As his closest living relatives, the bank allocated half to me and half to Anne. However, Anne and I have agreed that neither of us will make much use out of a farm, but you, you may have a future of prosperity. So half of Green Gables will be going to you as soon as Anne graduates and starts making an income, Jerry." She smiled a rare kind smile towards the boy, who had dropped the tart he had started to eat in secret on the floor.
"I... me?" he asked in disbelief. "But I am just the farm hand!"
"No, Jerry," Anne refuted, giving Delphine to Sebastian and wrapping an arm around the taller boy. "Green Gables is a family business. You're family."
__________________
It was the morning of December twenty third, one of those days that was chilly and sunny all at once.
"Anne!" Marilla called out as she walked briskly into the kitchen. Anne was at the counter, lightly kneading some pie crust for her latest experiment: wildberry custard tarts, made with a drop from the fresh bottle of lavender extract Elijah had made for her special.
"Hmm?" the younger woman hummed, dusting her flour coated hands on her apron. Her red hair was loosely braided down her back, a few strands escaping the ribbon and falling over her face. She brushed it back, a smidgen of flour streaking her cheek.
"We're going with Sebastian to pick up Gilbert and his friend at the station," Marilla announced with a look on her face that made it clear that she thought it was obvious.
"We?" Anne scowled, shaking her head fervently. "I'll stay behind."
"You will do no such thing! It is only polite!"
"You need more space on the carriage anyways, I'll just hinder you."
"Anne Shirley-Cuthbert! I don't know what silly little squabble is going on between you and Gilbert, but I know as well as anyone that ignoring each other will not solve it! I learned that much in my limited time with love. It's what happened with... John. I couldn't talk to him about how I was feeling and that was the end of it. I will not permit the same thing to happen to you. So stop this nonsense and come with me!"
Anne groaned and she threw off her apron, flinging it on the counter. She washed her hands (taking an excruciatingly long time) and rolled down the sleeves of her white topped dress down. She fiddled with her flowing dark green skirt.
"Anne, aren't you going to get washed up?" asked Marilla, horrified at her less than put together state. Her skirt had been sprinkled with sugar and flour was still smudged across her cheek.
"It's enough that I'm going, I'm not going to make the effort to look splendid for one who can't even respond with a simple 'ok'," she grumbled, rolling her eyes. "If he even wants me at my best, he'll have to cope with me at my worst."
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Earlier...
"Gil? Mate, you there?" Alex knocked on his friend's bedroom door. He had done his best to look spiffed up for the train ride, using more hair gel than usual and the sharpest suit he could wear without looking like he cared too much. It was sixteen hours, and he figured he would look absolutely horrible after it, but Josie was coming to see him right from Bright River, and he wanted to look a little less like a street peddler who had been sleeping in the train station.
"Yes," he groaned from inside his room.
"You alright in there?" Alexander questioned from outside the room, his brow furrowing in concern.
"Yes, just a little... tired. I'll be right ou-" His sentence was interrupted by a string of violent coughs.
"That sounds bad, are you sure maybe we shouldn't wait until tomorrow to-"
"No, no," Gilbert interjected wearily, his voice mustering up all its strength to object. "I want to see Anne."
"Right then. Train arrives at eight, be ready in fifteen minutes."
Ten minutes later, Gilbert came out of his room, face red and eyes tired.
"Whoa, you look terrible," Alex commented, snorting comically while looking up from his book.
"I'm aware," Gilbert deadpanned, rubbing his eyes. "Just a... cold."
"It's not like we're both medical students or anything, but that looks worse than just a cold. Some kind of influenza at the very least."
"I'll be fine... let's just go." He grabbed his bag, almost falling over from the imbalance of it but glaring at Alex when he shot Gilbert a dubious look.
"If you say so."
Fourteen hours later...
"Is it just me or is it freezing?" Gilbert asked through shivers, teeth chattering as he pulled his coat around himself tighter.
Alex shot him a strange look, raising an eyebrow from behind his newspaper. "This place has steam heating. You sure you're good?"
"I'm fine, I think I just need to get my blood flowing a little bit. I'll take a walk along the aisle." Gilbert got up, using the arm rest as support. His body trembled like a sapling in the wind. As he walked down, Alex looked at him with concern in his blue eyes for his best friend.
"Don't exert yourself too mu-" He was sharply cut off by a thud on the floor.
Gilbert Blythe had fainted, a heap in the middle of the aisle.